


The only medicine

by garden_of_stars



Series: A Garden of Stars [4]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Food Kink, M/M, Repressed Memories, Sex Toys, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Temperature Play, finally saeran gets fucked in the ass, it only took 120k words in this series for that to happen LOL, saeran swallows a big load - of memories - but also cum - the motion picture, the twins get sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-14 11:02:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14768348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garden_of_stars/pseuds/garden_of_stars
Summary: The twins catch a cold, most likely thanks to attending the group date with Yoosung earlier in the week. Saeyoung tries to care for Saeran, though at first his twin resists... but then when it's Saeyoung's turn... it brings out Saeran's caring, soft side, too.Then, as they recover from illness, they entertain themselves with a kink sorter and things escalate - and it also forces them to explore some old trauma from their past as agent and cultist.This whole story continues directly on from the previous fics in this series. Read those to find out how the twins wound up dating!Chapters with actual pornographic scenes will be flagged in the chapter's description. If you're only after the porn, that starts at the end of Chapter 2, the first half of Chapter 3, the middle of Chapter 4, most of Chapter 8 and Chapter 10.If incest ships in fiction make you uncomfortable, please, do not read this fic. The fic is based on RP transcripts written by two people!





	1. I'm fine

**Saeyoung**

The first time he hears Saeran sneeze, he doesn't think too much about it.

Everyone sneezes time to time. Maybe it just got dusty. No big deal.

Then, in the kitchen making something with a lot of garlic, Saeran keeps... fumbling things more than usual. (Is he just tired...?)

It's been nearly a week since the group date, but they've kept relatively normal sleeping hours since then. Before, they'd had their own weird sleep schedules, but now...

They both wanted to share as much time awake with each other as possible.

(But he does seem...)

"Hey, handsome..." Saeyoung croons, wrapping his arms around Saeran's waist from behind. "What are you..."

(His body is... _really_ warm.)

He also seems a little unsteady in his twin's arms. "Are you... okay?"

Saeran turns to face him, loosely holding a celery stick in one hand.

His face is pink... and his eyes look...

Saeyoung presses the back of one hand against his twin's forehead, the other still on his waist.

"Oh... oh no. I think you have a fever."

**Saeran**

Used to working through sickness when required, Saeran doesn't even notice he's getting sick until Saeyoung starts making a big deal out of it. If it wasn’t for Saeyoung’s worrying, Saeran’s tempted to just forget about dinner and melt into his brother's arms...

Actually, that’s feeling more and more likely. The hand against his forehead is soft, and every passing moment Saeran feels threatened by sleep... even though lately he’s been getting the best sleep of his life.

Shaking himself out of it, Saeran pulls back and puts the celery down.

"I'm fine." Saeran manages to inform Saeyoung shortly after, in the least convincing way ever - his voice is scratchy and thick, in a way where he has to swallow mucus down after.

Huh.

**Saeyoung**

"That's... that's not fine, Saeran!"

Saeyoung... has basic medical training... although it's more focused around injury than illness... he has been sick himself... but the last time he ever looked after a sick person was...

... when Saeran was a child.

And he hadn't really been able to help much then at all.

Okay. Breathe...

First of all...

"You need to rest up. Come on, let's take you to bed. Oh. Although. Maybe the couch is better? Then you can watch something... I can get you something to help your breathing..."

His twin responds, swaying slightly despite himself. "You don't need to worry so much..."

But Saeran doesn't resist when Saeyoung takes his hand and leads him to the couch.

"Just rest for a bit. I'll make you something to eat. If you take it easy, your body will heal faster..."

He squats down to eye level with his brother, and sweeps his hand over his twin's forehead, smoothing his already-sweaty hair back and out of his face.

Then Saeyoung kisses his forehead lightly. "I'll look after you, so..."

**Saeran**

The care taken doesn't just remind Saeran of his childhood, but of Rika and the way she looked after him... all the while cramming more "medicine" down his throat.

Saeran shudders. He doesn't want to feel that weak and helpless again.

"It's just losing my voice...*cough*"

He knows Saeyoung is just concerned over him, and won't ever hurt him the way their mother or Rika did while he was sick... but...

"Sorry. I don't want you to worry."

He can be good. He can keep going.

Saeyoung doesn’t have to… do… this…

**Saeyoung**

The next half hour is spent with Saeyoung ferrying a ton of items to the table in the living room next to the couch. Extra pillows and blankets, tissues, cough medicine, painkillers, a jug of water...

He also is apparently consulting someone else on the phone for advice. Saeran only catches small snatches of conversation.

"That's what your mum always does? Okay... but what kind of vegetables... I have, uh..."

"Yeah, of course!! Saeran uses it so often we just keep it out now..."

"Uhm... yeah? I'll Noogle that part. You don't have to..."

Another half hour or so passes after that, with Saeyoung doing something in the kitchen...

He sticks his head in regularly to check on his twin as he does.

Finally, he brings out a bowl of something warm. Rice porridge, with a few vegetables and stock for light flavor.

"I've got more back there," he says, nodding towards the kitchen. "If you want it. Better to eat something easy to digest when your body is fighting... And you don't want to take any painkillers on an empty stomach..."

Then, he just. Plonks himself down on the floor near Saeran's head.

"Can I get you anything else? Or... do anything else?" He looks at his brother's feverish face with concern. "I... could stroke your hair... if it won't make you feel even warmer... or I could pour you some cough medicine..."

**Saeran**

"No medicine." Saeran says somewhat abruptly. Even now the pain killers Saeyoung has left him are untouched.

Honestly, he doesn't know what to do with this attention... it's so different from any other care he's received before. Even the nurses at the hospital didn't do this.

Even though he told Saeyoung not to worry...

But Saeran doesn't have the strength to protest further, and he does appreciate the pillows and blankets at least. It was getting cold, and his head was beginning to hurt too. If Saeyoung was going to insist... It's nice, despite the way Saeran feels restless.

And Saeyoung doesn't deserve to be snapped at for it.

"...I'm sorry... I know it's probably fine, but... I don't want to feel my head getting all fuzzy."

At least, not fuzzier than the sickness would make it. He's about to continue, when a cough forces him to stop - completely wracking his body.

When it's over, the expression on Saeyoung's face is...

It squeezes his lungs painfully.

Sarean forces a sigh, and looks to the porridge.

(He made it for me...) Saeyoung is right about him needing to eat. It might just give him some strength back, and it looks warm and filling and most of all - easy to swallow.

That thought cheers Saeran up a little.  Saeyoung's offer to stoke his hair is also welcome, and gives Saeran another idea. "If you want to play nurse..." He starts, voice soft from the cold and his own shyness, "Why don't you feed me a bit?"

It's an incredibly self-indulgent request. But it's the best possible way for Saeran to feel better right now, so... surely it was fine? As long as Saeyoung was by his side, talking to him and tending to him like this, he's sure that he'll forget about any pain. And eventually the illness will subside, as it always does.

**Saeyoung**

"O-okay..." Saeyoung replies, mind immediately going to all those couples-feeding-each-other scenes in movies and dramas.

(We'll have to do this again when you're well, too... if I can do it for more than one mouthful before just tackling you to the ground... haha...) Saeran sits up straighter, having made quite a nest for himself in all the pillows. Saeyoung makes a place for himself amongst them next to his twin.

(If Saeran wasn't sick, this could make for quite a fun...)

...focus.

(He needs me.)

Saeyoung leans over the warm bowl and scoops up a modest amount of food.

It's still steaming.

Definitely too hot for eating right away.

"Fffff...fff...ffffff..." he blows on the spoon a few times, then tests it himself to be sure.

It's... actually pretty nice. Almost  comfort food tier. Maybe slightly more salt-- in the next batch.

"Okay, then..."

(Wow, now that I look at him... and think about feeding him like this... I feel kinda nervous)

It really is an intimate gesture. There are different sorts of intimacy, of course, but, when it's Saeran, he...

"See what you think," he offers, holding up the spoon to his twin's mouth, his own face looking a little pink too.

Saeran takes it into his mouth gently, although the angle is a little off.

Saeyoung withdraws the spoon... he got some on the corner of Saeran's mouth...

He places the spoon back in the bowl.

"Sorry... my aim was a little off..."

He can't... not...

...lean into Saeran, and...

...gently kiss away the extra porridge...

**Saeran**

It's all strangely domestic, and Saeran... Saeran finds he likes it, a lot, though he had never imagined his brother being like this.

The porridge is warm and comforting, but not as much as Saeyoung's kiss.

"That's okay..." He whispers, voice still weak, "It's nice..."

...he's sick. He can be a little demanding, can't he?

Saeran leans towards Saeyoung, cheeks flushed for more reasons than just a fever.

"Feed me more?"

**Saeyoung**

(When he looks at me like that, I... want to do a lot more than just feed him...)

Saeyoung smiles indulgently. His twin letting him fuss like this… feels good. Normally Saeran is so keen to demonstrate his ability to look out for himself... demonstrate that even if he's the younger one... the slightly smaller one... that he's just as capable as Saeyoung.

(And, of course you are... in some areas, more capable than me...)

(But it's okay to take turns being strong. It's nice... to let someone else care for you...)

(Just like it's nice... to care for someone...)

He takes another spoonful, cooling it again. He can feel Saeran's eyes on him. Saeyoung tries to chase away the giddiness that causes by talking, in between puffs of air on the spoon.

"I... it's a little nice, having you ask for me to do it... haha..." He tests the spoon's contents again. Satisfactory.

"Ask me for as much as you want... be selfish with me, okay?" He raises the spoon to Saeran's mouth. "It's very important to be as selfish as you can when you're sick, you know... it'll make you heal faster, haha..."

He's talking nonsense, he knows, he just... doesn't want to stop. Looking after him like this is just... he feels so warm... Another mouthful, and again, he leaves traces on Saeran's mouth.

"Oh... again... sorry about that..."

But he's not sorry at all. And apparently, neither is Saeran, because as he leans in to kiss away the scrap of porridge, his twin's lips part in a soft, partial kiss in return. "H-hmmm..." Saeyoung's heart lifts at that light sensation at the corner of his mouth.

"Maybe there's an easier way to feed you..."

It's... a little odd... but... it feels like Saeran might enjoy it...

Saeyoung takes another spoonful and cools it just like before. But then, instead of just sampling it, he takes the whole spoonful into his mouth.

Then he puts the spoon down and leans into Saeran. His brother gives him a dizzy smile as he...

...presses his lips against Saeran's... which part naturally at his touch. He offers the food into his brother's mouth with the kiss, and a lazy caress of his tongue.

(Ah...)

His face must look nearly as flushed as Saeran's by this point...

**Saeran**

"Haa..." Saeran sighs open mouthed, breath labored once their lips part. Being fed like that... makes breathing a little difficult, to the point he almost feels like choking.

But it's incredibly delicious too. The smooth texture of his brother's tongue mixed with the creamy porridge...

Saeran licks the side of his mouth, where some of the porridge has dribbled out.

He's hungry for more.

It almost makes being sick worth it.

"Do… do it again...?" Saeran prompts, letting himself be selfish for this. Just as Saeyoung asked.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung feels a little dizzy himself after that kiss. He’s almost tempted to check his own forehead for a fever, but honestly. That’s just normal when it comes to kissing Saeran… especially when he looks so needy like this… so open to being spoiled for once. Saeyoung feels so much more alive when he’s giving to his brother… kisses, hugs, treats, massages, blowjobs… nothing else feels this rewarding...

But to get to be so domestic with so little resistance…

He’d rather his twin wasn’t sick, but it certainly had a silver lining. “Of course,” he affirms softly, wiping a tiny bit of porridge from his own lip.

He kisses Saeran again and again, each time with just a tiny mouthful of the comfort food, so that he didn’t cover his brother’s mouth for too long. It didn’t seem like his lung capacity was too great right now. Saeyoung has no desire to push him.

His twin might be weakened, but as the kisses continue, his hands seek Saeyoung out needily, keeping hold on part of Saeyoung every time he turns away.

It’s enough to make Saeyoung’s heart burst with affection. If he wasn’t so sick, he’d…

He clears his head, and kisses Saeran again.

...if he has to feed him like this for the rest of his illness, Saeyoung’s honestly not going to complain a bit.


	2. Saeran's top 50 greatest hits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran gives Saeyoung the opportunity to fuss him, and Saeyoung is just [radio noises] I'M IN!!! ENGAGE MAXIMUM FUSS ENGINES!!!!!
> 
> Lots of cute loving fluff. And then uh -
> 
>  
> 
> **\- smut starts to happen at the very end of this chapter, you have been warned.**

**Saeran**

The more they kiss like this, the more feverish Saeran feels. His body burns, and his mind feels muddled... but none of it is related to the illness.

Hadn't Saeyoung said something about healing faster the greedier he was?

Yet it did feel that his twin was holding back...

(... he wants me to say it.) Saeran realizes. Saeyoung had more or less told him as much earlier... and Saeyoung's provider kink is obvious.

Right now, that suited Saeran just fine. For once, he was starting to feel comfortable being pampered. In fact... he kind of wanted it. To allow himself to let go of all pride and issues, to just trust his lover enough to spoil him.

But their meal is almost done.

"Hyung..." Saeran's hand tightens around Saeyoung's own, not about to let him go. "Kiss me more... hold me..." His expression is loose and open and needy, all usual composure gone in the face of his sickness and Saeyoung's ministrations.

"I need it... to make me feel better."

For Saeyoung's sake, they should stop kissing. Stronger twin or no, there was only so much exposure to a contagion that his immune system could handle.

Then again, it may already be too late...

Saeran promises himself he'll nurse Saeyoung just as well if he gets sick too.

**Saeyoung**

There's no way Saeyoung could ever say no to such a request from his twin. Not that he'd want to.

(His face is so honest right now... I feel like _I'm_ being spoiled...)

"You..." he beams, charmed and giddy, "...have my full attention." He shifts a couple pillows around so that he can wedge himself into the soft pile completely with his twin, restacking the extras so they hang slightly over their heads, like a tiny roof.

"You've built yourself a nest made out of clouds somehow, Saeran..." he laughs, pulling his sweaty twin into his arms. "Or maybe marshmallows..."

He kisses his brother on the cheek. "I'm more than happy to heal you with my body... if you won't take painkillers, then every kiss can take it away instead..." He continues a pattern of kisses along Saeran's chin and neck, pausing every couple to kiss him lightly on the lips - ever cognizant of his twin's shallow breaths.

"I'll hold you as long as you want... I'll be your nurse and your doctor today, okay? As long as you need..." His hands rise to lightly rub at Saeran's scalp. "Do you have a headache? I could massage there, you know... it might ease it a little... and it won't stop you getting kisses, don't worry..."

**Saeran**

Eyes fluttering closed, Saeran lets himself sink back into the pillows, only huffing slightly at how Saeyoung describes them.

The coughs have subsided, but the meal has done nothing to resolve his headache. Saeyoung rubbing his scalp sounds perfect. And the pillows _are_ soft...

Full and happy, Saeran is happy to lie back and enjoy his twin's affection, almost all his energy sapped out of him at this point.

(... didn't he say something about patting my hair...?)

That could be nice too... "Mmmn... yes, please... and... "

He takes a deep breath, struggling, "If it's not too much, comb my hair as well?"

But even knowing that Saeyoung would be happy enough to, Saeran still can't help but feel like a burden.

**Saeyoung**

"You say it like touching your hair isn't in my Top 50 Things To Do With Saeran list... which... it is..." Saeyoung ruffles his hair fondly. "Be right back."

It's much harder to leave the pillow nest than enter it, but he manages it with a little momentum from a swing of his arms. He retrieves Saeran's comb from the bathroom and returns to his twin... worrying a little at the sound of his breathing, but... if he won't take the medicine...

Saeran hasn't ever discussed in huge detail the elements of his brainwashing, although Saeyoung knows it involved a drink made from the wild mushrooms that grew in the areas around Mint Eye... amongst other things.

(I hope I don't have to do anything that will make you hate me again...)

He tries to shake the thought free before re-entering the pillow nest. (It's just a cold... it's just a cold... there's no reason to be afraid... he's going to be fine... even without medicine...)

He takes Saeran into his arms again, feeling a small amount of relief at how his brother melts into him trustingly.

(I'll look after you... so get better for me...)

"Just let me know if you want some water," he offers, "you must have sweated out a lot of it already..." Saeran's hair is certainly sticky with perspiration. But it becomes more manageable, and a little nicer, as Saeyoung gently glides the comb through his hair.

Your hair is so soft, Saeran..." he whispers, bending his head briefly to kiss his brother's ear before continuing to brush. "Just as lovely as the rest of you... we should do this when you're well, too..."

**Saeran**

It might not be making him physically well, but Saeran's mood is vastly improved by Saeyoung's doting. He hums lightly at Saeyoung's suggestion. Water can wait... right now it feels like he can breathe easier just with his hair being freshened up.

Saeyoung's voice too... it soothes him, even if he can't completely pay attention to it in the state he's in.

Though he did catch something very interesting his twin said that he'd like to hear more about.

"You made a list of top 50s...?" No matter how soft, there's no mistaking Saeran's tone is stuck somewhere between amused and touched and astounded. "What's in it...?"

There was a good chance he could guess most of them, but that's not the point. He wants Saeyoung to talk to him, and hearing what he liked... Saeran yearned for that validation. And now was a time he could let himself indulge.

For a moment Saeyoung pauses, likely collecting his thoughts. But it makes Saeran a little self-conscious, and very aware of how his clothes stick to his skin. Squirming, Saeran sits himself up before Saeyoung has a chance to respond.

"Hold on... taking clothes off," he informs his twin. The results of sweating out his fever is getting uncomfortable.

... but if he was honest with himself...

Saeran was already addicted to the sensation of pressing his skin against Saeyoung's. A visceral connection for Saeran to draw on for strength and reassurance.

**Saeyoung**

"Maybe I should add something new to the list: frequently winds up sweaty and naked in my arms" Saeyoung chuckles.

It is a little difficult not to respond to his twin... the love of his life... pressing up against him like this... naked and warm... when, that kind of thing tended to accompany Other Things... which are definitely not on the table right now when his brother is fighting off a virus.

But he too takes comfort in pressing up as much of his exposed skin (bless singlets) against his twin, the muscle of his arms holding Saeran, clammy and so warm, against his chest.

"You wanna know my list?" Saeyoung considers, in a slightly playful tone. "I used to make up fairytales for you, and now I'm just gonna read off dot points... truly a symptom of the modern world, Saeran... what has journalism come to."

Saeyoung continues. "I gotta warn you though... this is not a PG-13 list... maybe I should hover censor bars over some of my words..."

He strokes Saeran's brushed hair softly, grinning.

**Saeran**

The playfulness makes Saeran laugh, then cough - just a bit! Not enough to get water, but... Saeran knows it'll worry his brother anyway. By way of reassurance, he tilts his head to brush a kiss against Saeyoung's shoulder.

"You can tell a fairytale if you want..." He murmurs, "But whether you can keep that G-rated too is another matter... so..."

Glancing up, Saeran's eyes shine with an impish curiosity. He's not so sick as to lose his sense of humor, or libido.

"You might as well tell me the list. It's not as if I'm censored right now either..." Far from it. His words are calculated to get a rise out of Saeyoung, reminding him of just how much Saeran wants this too, never mind if it didn't go further than cuddles and kisses.

(I don't get naked and let myself be taken care of by just anybody...)

**Saeyoung**

The way Saeran looks at him from under his eyelashes like that...

(GAH!!! I love him!!!)

(…c-calm down. Can’t… just gawk… at the adorableness…)

"Okay... but the problem with this list is it's constantly in flux... and the thing at the top... is always whatever I'm doing with you at that moment." He expects a groan for that, but maybe Saeran's too exhausted to pretend to hate it right now.

"So instead of a 'top 50' let's think of it as a '50 of my favorite things', okay?"

"Mmm-hmm," his twin replies easily, watching Saeyoung's lips as much as he is listening to the words.

"Hmmmm... yes. I like your voice. Thank you for reminding me," Saeyoung begins smoothly, stroking Saeran's cheek. "Your voice is so expressive... I love to just listen to you talk. And I love that lately, it's usually the last thing I hear before I sleep... and one of the first things I hear waking up."

He strokes down Saeran's neck, enjoying how his brother, even like this, naturally tilts his head to allow his fingers to touch such a sensitive place.

"I love how clever you are... so quick to learn, so insightful once you discover an interest and research a subject." With one finger, he traces a line from just behind Saeran's ear down to his shoulder.

"Like the flowers... our little garage garden has blossomed under your touch, you know each and every thing they need. But it's not just that, is it? It's not just because you're clever... they're responding to you, too. Reflecting your care..." He leans down to kiss the ear his finger had just traced. "Because you do everything thoughtfully. There's always care behind your actions... always a reason..."

Saeyoung lets the kiss become a nibble, grazing his twin's ear lightly. "Also," he whispers, pulling away just a little, "you're really fucking hot and I love sucking your dick."

The small wriggle at the nibble and the little chuckle Saeran releases at Saeyoung's mood whiplash is just what he'd hoped for. "That's right... I also love how you enjoy my leaping from subject to subject... you can always keep up with me... and I love when I can surprise you... although, maybe you always know what's coming. It's you, after all." Saeyoung gives Saeran a light squeeze with the arm he still has around his waist.

"I love when you lean against me... especially if our skin is touching... I feel like I can do anything when you touch me... and... I want to do everything... kiss you... stroke you... I feel... so warm... so in love..."

Saeran turns his head away slightly to cough again, before looking back at him. Saeyoung can't help but knit his brow, but tries to keep his voice light. "I can always kiss you some water..."

**Saeran**

Saeran clears his throat a little at the suggestion. It was starting to feel scratchy again, but the way Saeyoung was saying things... _what_ he was saying...

He needed to swallow down his desire.

"Okay." He manages, clearly to Saeyoung's relief. He did need the water too, though he denied it just so he could relax against Saeyoung instead.

But if it meant more kisses, it was more than a good enough compromise, even though it interrupted Saeyoung's monologue.

(He was saying something very interesting though...) Apart from the praise, which had made Saeran somewhat dizzy, or even the bit about being in love...

The mere fact of their skin-to-skin contact working Saeyoung up, combined with the need to take care of his twin, gives Saeran pause.

"You're much better at taking care of people than others give you credit for..."

That was a fact, observed not just in how Saeyoung was putting so much effort into nursing him, but how he treated his friends in small ways too. Just enough to keep them happy but not overwhelm them.

Just as he’s doing now. But Saeyoung was still holding back for his sake, putting Saeran's health as a priority.

(It can't be helped...)

(Except... I have another need too.)

Maybe if he phrased it that way...? There's no way Saeyoung could deny him if he did, no matter his other concerns.

"I'm happy you're here to look after me..." Saeran admits, knowing how weak Saeyoung is to such acknowledgement. "I don't... have many good memories of that..."

The mood dips low for a moment. Saeran, briefly, lost in the reminder of his childhood...

"Mother..."

And the cult...

"Savior..."

It makes his head muddled, pulling him briefly off track until Saeyoung squeezes him again - protective - and he can simply blink and shake those ghosts away. "That's why... this is healing."

On levels beyond the physical. Even if Saeran has some very physical demands.

It's all linked to his emotions. His past.

His need to be vulnerable and loved.

To cure his pain.

"Please..."

"Do everything you can... For me..."

**Saeyoung**

"I'm here for you... and I'll do everything I can for you..."

He presses his face into the top of his twin's head. "Saeran..."

To have him so close... to have him talk about this... "Thank you... for letting me do this for you... thank you for trusting me..." He kisses the top of Saeran's head, again and again. "Thank you for letting me be with you like this..."

He wants to hold his brother like this longer, but also... the water... He loosens his grip. "Okay... I'll get you some water, next."

Saeran seems just as reluctant to let Saeyoung go, but he really can't get dehydrated. Saeyoung pours a half glass of water, and takes some into his mouth.

It's still cold. Turning back to Saeran, his twin is looking at him steadily, despite the way his head must be feeling right now.

Saeyoung kind of wants to ask what he's thinking, but. Mouth busy. No talk.

His twin tilts his face up readily for the kiss. Saeyoung leans in…

The mix of cold water and his brother's lips...

(Why do I keep discovering more and more things I want to do with him... but when he's well?)

His tongue is even more sensitive as he... pushes it a little deeper...

(W-wait! No, he can't go on too long! Saeran's lung capacity!!)

He pulls away despite himself. His lips are cool... but his face is warm.

"S-sorry... that was a little long..." His twin is fine, and in fact he already looks a little perkier just for having that one mouthful.

"You should have a couple more... the porridge by itself won't be enough..." He'll have to keep the fact that these must be short kisses at the front of his mind. No matter how nice it feels...

**Saeyoung**

It's ludicrous how Saeyoung hasn't gotten the message yet, but Saeran guesses he only has himself to blame. He did get off track...

But he certainly noticed the way Saeyoung almost slipped up and just let himself kiss Saeran. Then there was the look on his face...

(... a few more kisses ought to do it.) Saeran decides, not at all discouraged. If all else fails, he'll just have to be blunt. Though that still had a risk of failing, if Saeyoung was too preoccupied with Saeran's health.

Either way, Saeran wanted more... water...

"Yeah... I'm thirsty..."

**Saeyoung**

Remember. You're his nurse for today.

Although generally nurses didn't kiss their patients at all, except in _some_ videos...

He even has that outfit that-

(...you're getting distracted again.)

Water. Mouth. Saeran. Focus.

But with each kiss, it just gets harder and harder to pull away.

In fact, it's almost like _Saeran_ is prolonging the kiss just as much.

(I'm just imagining things... I'm not gonna take advantage like this when he's putting his trust in me...)

But once those other kisses are done, and Saeran's eyes... actually do look a little clearer... he snuggles close, and -

(...uh?)

Oh.

He.

Is he...?

He looks down at Saeran's face, and it's clear Saeran's noticed he's noticed.

"Ah... uhm. I..."

Saeyoung is experiencing his _own_ mood whiplash.

"You want... me?"

It's not at all an articulate question, but Saeyoung honestly feels like this development is making him dizzier than his twin.

**Saeran**

"Hyung..." Saeran sighs, but it comes out as a petulant whine. It's embarrassing, even though Saeyoung had told him to be greedy.

"What did you think I was saying..."

Was he really that bad at seduction?

Or was it that Saeyoung's mind had taken a totally different track? Possibly both. Saeran's mind still was feeling a little foggy, not entirely connecting the dots on Saeyoung's thought process either.

Frustrated, Saeran nuzzles his face into Saeyoung's chest. Sniffles a bit, in spite of himself.

...being sick made him needy...

And Saeyoung was so warm, and smelled so nice (when Saeran could smell him.)

And he just... felt good.

"Only you... can make me feel this way..." he murmurs.

"Even when we were children..." Saeyoung had been the only one who truly cared.

There were even times Saeran had cried just so he could get his twin's attention.

And now...

"Maybe I should be sick more often..." he wonders aloud. Fever allowing his mind to wander places usually forbidden.

**Saeyoung**

He kisses the top of his twin's head again. "You don't have to be in pain for me to hold you like this, Saeran..." Letting one hand begin to run down his brother's side... definitely more than just a nurturing touch.

"I always... would give you my care... you don't need to have a reason like being sick, or hurting... I love holding you... caring for you... finding new ways to kiss you, haha..."

The hand reaches Saeran's thigh, and he strokes it teasingly, with the tips of his fingers.

"I love it when you want my attention... I love it when you ask me for things... it feels so good... because my body and soul want to share themselves with you, all the time, Saeran... my heart."

Now he creeps the hand along the inside of his twin's thigh, reaching the erection Saeran has been sitting with for who knows how long.

(Saeran, presumably…)

He brings his other hand to Saeran's face, under his chin, tilting it up so her can see his twin's needy expression - though only for a moment, before he captures it with a kiss.

"Saeran... I'll give you everything you want from me. Because I want it, too." He enjoys the whimper a few gentle strokes of Saeran's cock produce, and the weak squirming against his body.

"Okay, then..." he says, and lowers Saeran into the pillows, helping him shift around until he's fully comfortable.

"Let me nurse you, my love..."

And he bends down, giving Saeran's cock one long, loving lick, before taking the head into his mouth, stroking the moisture down the shaft with one hand, the other seeking Saeran's fingers.

(I'll always hold you close.)


	3. A tale of two kittens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Smut continues for half the chapter, then it's allll fluff, baby~**
> 
> Saeyoung comforts his brother until he falls asleep, but Saeran's dreams are restless...

**Saeran**

Of course, Saeran now knows that Saeyoung would always give him what he needed, rain or shine.

But when he feels like this… when he’s being provided for during a storm. There’s something special about that. He feels so much more _wanted_. That someone would care about him like this, even when he was weak…

Saeran... never really let himself want it during those times after Saeyoung had left. No matter how he'd needed someone with him when he was feeling his worst. He’d told himself he had to be strong. Wishing for someone to care for him this way was not something he could allow himself.

(That's part of why it's so alluring, now...)

Putting aside the comfort of Saeyoung’s care, maybe the taboo element factored into the chemistry he felt with his brother too. Taking what he desired in the face of society's expectations...

Yes...

It certainly played a part, one Saeran hadn't fully recognized until now.

Distantly, Saeran can't help but be amused at the twists and turns his fevered brain takes. Because at the heart of the matter... was Saeyoung.

(I want to share... everything with you, too... this flesh... these thoughts... all my emotions and the entirety of my soul...)

Whether it’s his body or his heart that is ill, reaching out to Saeyoung – and having Saeyoung hold him in return. It’s the best medicine.

(Always, always completing each other.)

But either the cold has finally robbed him of his voice completely, or he's become so weak that he can only handle one thing at a time, because he fails to find the words to express that as Saeyoung's hands work magic along his skin.

And then, there’s his tongue...

(Ohh...) He’s heard the phrase ‘silver tongue’ before. And surely, that must be what Saeyoung has, with the smooth way it weaves words and delights his every nerve.

Even now, Saeyoung’s tongue somehow tells a story even as he takes Saeran's cock into his mouth.

Saeran loves it, already panting for more. Though the heaviness in his lungs might have something to do with it, too. It's almost enough to send his consciousness adrift, and the grasp Saeyoung has on his hand is welcome, keeping Saeran anchored.

Then there was the heat...

The illness had chilled Saeran, only blankets and his brother's body enough to keep him warm. So to feel how hot Saeyoung's mouth was around his dick...

It’s like a furnace had been lit, and is blazing its way up his veins and along his stomach. It woukd be uncomfortable, if it didn't also make Saeran feel so blissfully _carnal_.

He groans, melting into the couch.

**Saeyoung**

He's wishing he'd put on the nurse outfit after all this. (Maybe next time.)

Saeyoung has never had an opportunity to just enjoy being a little unwell. No matter how he felt, he always had to work. But if being sick could be like this... maybe next time he caught something, it wouldn’t be so bad.

He circles his tongue against Saeran’s cock. (…Saeran's pretty hard, for an invalid.)

Saeyoung wonders if being ill is going to impact how his orgasm feels...

It's a very different experience, giving head when Saeran is like this. Saeran has accepted Saeyoung showering him with affection, more or less, and he's also thrust into his brother, letting himself fill his twin with urgent desire...

But he's never quite been like this. So openly needy. So willing to let himself be pampered...

To have his twin yearn for him so weakly... Saeyoung feels warm, that he can do this for his twin. That Saeran will accept it.

He uses his free hand like an extension of his mouth, gripping and pulling and making the entry to his lips just that little more difficult, enjoying each shallow intake of breath from his twin as he lifts all the way off of his cock only to plunge back down, feeling the small shudder it sends through Saeran's body, even if he's too weak to push upwards against him.

Saeyoung has complete control of the pace. So he pauses. It takes a moment before Saeran responds to the cease in stimulation, propped up against the pillows, head tilted back. His brother slowly opens his eyes, lowering his chin to his throat to look at Saeyoung holding him, waiting, watching.

And as Saeran's shaky gaze meets his, Saeyoung smiles, and pushes his mouth over his twin's dick again, eyes on Saeran’s face the whole time.

He's rewarded with some renewed vigour from his brother, as Saeran moans in response to the sight of his other half taking his cock down his throat so deliberately.

Saeyoung pauses again, this time struck with another idea.

(It'd been nice with our kisses, before... so…)

He stops to take a mouthful of water, but this time not for a kiss. Instead he returns to Saeran's rigid, trembling penis and takes it into his mouth along with the water, feeling his twin squirm at the mixture of warm and cold, and the increased resistance from the water as it rapidly warms around him.

And as Saeyoung slowly swallows the water around his brother’s cock, the sensations _that_ causes can't be ignored.

So he teases, and warms, and cools, as his twin slowly winds up more and more inside, building up pressure that has him weakly moaning for release, lost in the sensation of Saeyoung's mouth and his hands.

**Saeran**

Saeran's chest and throat start to feel like they're on fire too, if only from how he's been moaning. It's worse when Saeyoung brings the water into it, the chill of the water making him gasp.

Yet... it's also a relief, keeping Saeran from utterly burning out. Then Saeyoung swallows, and the heat rushes back.

"Ah...!"

The duality makes the sensations all the more intense, and Saeran struggles not to be overwhelmed entirely. His body becoming slick with sweat, face flushed too red, and mouth hanging open - tongue jutting out and wet with saliva built up from being unable to fully swallow. Especially not like this, when every brush of Saeyoung's tongue makes him dizzy.

He's weak. So weak, and it's too easy to let it all consume him, and he _needs_ it to so badly. Completely lost to both the malady of illness and sex, Saeran's unable to warn Saeyoung when he's about to cum - just jerking abruptly with a harsh cry, throat rasping from the power of it.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung feels his twin's muscles tense, then the cry...

Only when Saeran goes completely still does Saeyoung raise himself back up, still holding Saeran's hand, to look down lovingly at his twin, exhausted, naked and sweaty in his pillow haven. Now _he_ really needs that glass of water... he drains it and fills it from the jug again, looking back at his brother. Saeyoung shuffles closer so he can stroke his twin's hair some more.

"Anything you need, I'll be here, okay? Just take it easy and I'll watch over you."

**Saeran**

"Mm..." Saeran acknowledges, feeling completely boneless and worn out. Eyelids heavy.

Worth it, though. His body might ache, but there's a flutter of pleasure that accompanies it.

Most of all, seeing his brother look at him with such adoration... petting his hair...

"Love you..." He manages to croak, as oblivion creeps at the edges of his mind. He blinks once. Twice. Not wanting to stop looking at Saeyoung... his love.

But finally, Saeran lets eyelids rest.

For possibly the first time, he falls asleep quickly.

**Saeyoung**

Watching Saeran fall asleep so fast...

(He really is totally wiped...)

Saeyoung strokes his hair for a while longer anyway, just looking at Saeran's face.

(I... love him... so much...)

It's not actually a bad time to sleep, anyway. Maybe a little early... He drags some of the spare pillows and cushions to the ground by the couch, from the stack he'd brought in earlier.

Then he lies down next to Saeran, phone in his hands, to browse idly while he waits to grow tired himself. He also briefly leaves a short monologue in the messenger letting everyone know how Saeran was doing, and thanking Yoosung for his earlier advice on the phone.

> 707: if anyone has other good comfort foods for sick people,
> 
> 707: post them here!
> 
> 707: I'll try all the ones that aren't too scary >_<

Finally, he feels his own eyelids start to grow heavy, and drops the phone to his side.

**Saeran**

It's been a while since Saeran's had a bad dream. They used to be frequent, but far less so the longer he was out of hospital and in a stable environment. And not even once in the time he and Saeyoung became lovers.

But being sick brought back old memories. He's back in their old home, but it's... smaller somehow, and it's like every time Saeran looks around the walls just keep closing in... and in... and it gets harder to breathe, and he's suffocating, and he needs to get out and then - then the room is gone but... He's still choking, and it's Mother, then Rika, and then _Saeyoung_ with hands around his throat and Saeran wants to cry from the pain, but just as much, to give himself into it, because he deserves all of it, doesn't he? This is what happens when he's weak, he becomes a burden -

Chest heaving, Saeran wakes up in a fit of coughing, wheezing as if his life depended on it. In a way it does: He refuses to let the nightmare take advantage of his frailty and rob him of his agency. Even if it is just a product of his subconscious.

( _Especially_ because it is.) Before Saeran recovers enough to look for Saeyoung, needing to see and feel for himself the fact of his other half's existence, his twin is already there rubbing his back.

Saeran slumps against him in relief, and lets himself draw on Saeyoung's strength.

**Saeyoung**

Something woke Saeyoung up. Some sudden, creeping fear.

For a second, he's disoriented, feeling the carpet under his body and the couch to one side.

Oh, yeah. Saeran.

_Saeran._

It's quiet. _Too quiet._ He can't hear his twin breathing. He's… he’s not-!

He sits bolt upright, turning to look at his twin, praying that the worst hasn't -

\- as Saeran begins to cough and wheeze, sitting bolt upright, arms pushing back against his blankets.

Saeyoung joins him in seconds, rubbing his back and murmuring, "I'm here... it's okay..." Saeran leans back into him, shaking, his heartrate echoing in Saeyoung's ears, matching Saeyoung's own, frantic at the thought that his twin had -

"It's okay..." he says, as much for himself as for his twin, stroking Saeran's hair.

**Saeran**

Saeran coughs a few more times, working out the last of the knot deep in his chest. His head pounds, and somehow he feels worse than he did before... but also better, the fever having broken.

His thoughts are somewhat scrambled, but it helps having Saeyoung there. Slowly, his heart calms down... and there's a sense that his brother's does too, and Saeran wonders what might have disturbed him that much. Unless he gave Saeyoung a scare...?

"I'm okay..." He whispers, as his shudders subside and he can simply cuddle up to his twin. There's a chill in the air, signalling how late it must have gotten. It gives Saeran's skin goosebumps, and wakes him up more. Very aware of not just how naked he is, but how disgusting he feels.

"... shower, maybe..."

If only moving wasn't so hard.

**Saeyoung**

It's not a bad idea. Especially given the chill that's settling on their skin right now... plus, the sheets are damp with sweat. He'll need to change them. Maybe he could take Saeran to bed properly afterwards.

"I can help you wash off the sweat," Saeyoung offers, continuing to stroke his brother's hair. "You can lean on me... or, I could carry you there... you should save your energy."

Of course, it's no secret how much Saeyoung enjoys the feeling of having his twin in his arms, but right now he's thinking of the practicalities more than the perks.

His twin nods. "Sure..." his willingness to surrender himself to Saeyoung making his twin's heart flutter.

He is so grateful to have earned back this trust, once abused - but never again.

"Okay... I'm going to pick you up... then I'll help you wash off. Then we can go to bed together..."

He's a little dizzy himself from waking mid-nap like this, but shakes it off in the cold air, scooping Saeran up from the couch.

He's getting pretty good at it.

Saeyoung doesn't bother turning on any lights - it feels like they'd be too harsh anyway, and there's enough LEDs and other small light sources around the place that he can make do.

He lowers Saeran to a standing position in the bathroom, so he can take off his own clothing and start the shower. His twin sways a little, and Saeyoung keeps a close, worried eye on him.

Finally, the water is ready.

"Here..." Saeyoung says, drawing his twin to him and stepping into the water.

**Saeran**

The drum of the water against Saeran's skin feels good, and Saeyoung's arms even better. This time there's nothing sexual about the shower or being tended to. Simply the reassurance of his twin's presence, and the support offered.

In more ways than one. Saeran's wobbly.

As the warm water washes over it, though, it improves Saeran's condition, and breathing is a lot easier - the steam clearing all his airways.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung runs some shampoo through his twin's hair quickly, so that it won't be so unpleasant to wake up with the next morning.

He's so glad Saeran doesn't have to do all this on his own.

The shower doesn't take too long, and he towels them both off, planting kisses on Saeran as he does so, just little punctuation marks as he progresses throughout the process.

It still surprises him, though, when once they're done, Saeran reaches out his arms for his twin again. The message is clear.

Saeyoung doesn't need to be asked twice. He scoops up Saeran, nuzzling into him, and carrying him to bed.

His twin curls up under the blankets with a somewhat raspy sigh, clearly pleased to be surrounded by fresh linen again, and able to spread out as much as he liked.

The couch nest was nice, but...

Besides, this means Saeyoung can hold him in bed, too.

Saeran's skin is warm from the shower, and he smells faintly of shampoo.

Saeyoung holds him loosely, not wanting to restrict his breathing or movements.

(Maybe I should just stay awake... what if Saeran has breathing problems again...)

At least for a little while...

He'll watch...

His twin...

Breathe...

**Saeran**

Saeran's thoughts parallel Saeyoung's somewhat. He's so glad not to be isolated and miserable in this condition.

He’s amazed at how easy it is for him to now ask for affection, and receive it.

And so soon, too... though, this is _Saeyoung_ , after all. It's not unexpected that they fell into this arrangement so easily. It took some peeling away of layers, but...

(Under the surface, this is all we wanted from the start.)

But he shouldn’t fool himself into thinking that it's enough to chase away the other things lurking under the surface. He had found some sort of peace with his brother, but...

There were some things he'll never be able to escape. And left without his usual defences, it meant building up a new way to shield himself from them, and to heal what hurt they managed to leave behind.

Taking all Saeyoung had to give, letting himself be tucked into bed like a child...

(For now... This will do.) Anything else would have to wait for him to recover.

Which is easier said than done when he can't sleep, and his thoughts hound him.

Sighing, Saeran presses his face into Saeyoung's shoulder and tries to breathe steady. Listens to the beat of his twin's heart... It's still not enough, like Saeran's mind is actively working against him falling back to sleep. An understandable measure against bad dreams, likely a habit left over after years of avoiding rest for that very reason.

If only he didn't need sleep to recover. (... come to think of it... didn't Saeyoung used to do something to help me sleep?)

(Of course. That just might work.)

"Ah... can you... sing something? Or count some sheep for me?"

**Saeyoung**

His brother's restlessness hadn't gone unnoticed, so it's no surprise when he hears Saeran speak.

"I'll sing," he confirms softly, working himself upright so that he's sitting against the bedhead.

Saeran snuggles closer, arm around Saeyoung's legs.

Saeyoung still knows all the words to the nursery rhymes, hymns and other bits and pieces he'd managed to find as a child, because he'd still sing them to himself sometimes going to sleep, even after he'd left Saeran behind...

...even the songs he'd made up for his twin.

It's one of these that he picks - a song about two young kittens leaving on an adventure together, finding a forest filled with a hidden village of other wandering animals. Saeran had liked it a lot as a child.

It'll be the first time he's sung it for his brother in many years...

Saeyoung begins, his voice just a little shaky, but with growing quiet confidence as he moves through the first verse.

**Saeran**

It takes a moment for Saeran to recognize it - he never had much of a head for songs, and when it was something Saeyoung had made up... of course he struggled remembering it.

But when he does, he lifts his head slightly. Rapt with attention.

Which defeats the point somewhat. (Well… I wasn't sleeping anyway.)

Once Saeyoung hits the second verse, Saeran settles back down a little, simply watching the way his brother's mouth moves around the words, and letting himself get lost in the story of the song.

How long had he tried to find that lullaby...? How much longer had he blocked it out?

It made listening to it all the more precious, though Saeran could listen to Saeyoung sing all night.

Thankfully, it doesn't quite take that long for Saeran to begin to nod off. The soothing repetitiveness lulling him back to sleep.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung keeps on singing softly a few minutes after he feels Saeran nod off. Just in case.

Just like he used to.

And sitting up like this is good...it'll be easier to monitor his brother like this... any uncomfortable movement, any breathing problems, he'll know about it fast. But other than small adjustments as Saeran's body tries to regulate his temperature, his brother makes it through the next couple hours without anything alarming, and as Saeyoung slowly relaxes, he fights sleep less and less, until...

... he's dreaming of two kittens.


	4. Spin cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well whaddya know? It's Saeyoung's turn to get sick! But in his weakened state, as he allows himself to ask more from his twin than he's dared to ask before, something else shakes lose in his mind... 
> 
> A memory he'd repressed for many, many years.
> 
> **Heads up - the middle third of this chapter is smut!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we'd been sneakily dropping hints since the first fic of the thing Saeyoung remembers in this chapter, but finally, it's revealed :3

**Saeran**

For the rest of the night Saeran dreams of kittens too. And this time, he wakes naturally, no further nightmares disrupting his peace.

When he awakes, hours later… many, many hours later… he feels much better than he did yesterday. He's still tired of course, with that kind of post-sick fatigue one gets when your body has been battling against a virus hard. But his body feels refreshed, and he can breathe and think much easier. All that's left now is a small itch in his throat.  Oddly enough though, Saeyoung still seems to be sleeping.

(Maybe looking after me took it out of him...? How long did he stay up?)

Feeling guilty, and in need of water, Saeran decides to get up and go fetch them both a jug and glasses. It's the least he can do.

**Saeyoung**

(Urgh...)

(URGH...)

(BLUURRRRRRRRRGH)

(Why is my head made out of bricks)

(Who authorised this)

(Vanderwood............. clean up my head........... please..........)

Saeyoung wakes only due to an unsettling feeling that slowly builds as the side of the bed Saeran had occupied grows cold.

"Saeran...?"

But he's not there.

(It's okay... he probably just had to use the bathroom... or...)

(...)

(...)

(...)

(Ugh....ughHHHH my heAD)

Movement out of the corner of his eye catches his attention.

"...Saeran...?" he asks, surprising himself by how his voice cracks when he tries to raise the volume.

**Saeran**

"I'm here." Saeran responds, carefully juggling the water and glasses with it as he re-enters the bedroom. It figures that Saeyoung would wake up when he left - his twin had an uncanny sense for Saeran's presence.

(... to be fair, I do too.)

The crack in his brother's voice doesn't register, Saeran a little preoccupied with making space for the glasses on the mess that was Saeyoung's side-table.

(He needs to clean up more.) Saeran notes to himself. There's an attempt at organization, but.... It's obvious there isn't enough space for all of Saeyoung's toys and gadgets. Not to mention the stuff that migrated from Saeran's room into here now that they were sleeping together again.

(It'd be nice if we had a home with more open space... windows...) His mind drifts as he pours himself and Saeyoung a glass of water, before settling to sit at the side of the bed and hold the cup out to Saeyoung.

"Here. You must be thirsty too."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung reaches out for the cup, somehow nearly fumbling it. "Haha... guess I'm still half-asleep... whoops..."

It's been a while since he’s had so little sleep, since leaving the Agency. "Thank you... Oh, how are you feeling...? Do you want breakfast?"

He blinks, then rubs his eyes.

"Oh yeah... I asked the others to post easy recipes to make for sick people on the messenger... maybe I can make you one of those..."

He leans in to kiss Saeran's back, spilling a tiny bit of water in the process. "Oh, there I go again, haha..."

He dabs up the spilt water with and edge of the sheet and shuffles closer to where Saeran sits on the side of the bed.

**Saeran**

Sometimes Saeyoung could be clumsy if his mind was somewhere, but this feels different. Saeran twists a little to watch his twin carefully.

(... he does look worn out...)

"Did you sleep enough?" He asks, ignoring Saeyoung's questions. 

Then Saeyoung fumbles again, and Saeran frowns before taking his twin's hands. Cupping them around the glass, steadying his grip.

"...don't sacrifice your health for me."

**Saeyoung**

On the one hand, Saeyoung feels bad that he’s worried his twin, but on the other hand...

(It feels nice… his fingers over mine…)

"Oh, your hands..." he smiles. "I… like your hands..."

Wait, Saeran was talking about something else. His health.

"I could probably sleep more, but it's okay... we've had plenty of sleep lately... one late night isn't going to hurt me. But. What about you? You're sick... I hope you're not pushing yourself too hard, Saeran..."

He leans in to kiss his twin lightly on the lips. "But I'm not gonna complain if you hold my hands a little... hehe..."

**Saeran**

(C... cute...)

Blushing, Saeran glances down to their hands. His weren't precisely pretty, all knobbly and thin, with nails bitten down too low.

(...he’s definitely still dreaming.)

"I'm fine... I feel a lot better. And I think I slept a lot." He tells Saeyoung begrudgingly, just to take the focus off that subject.

There probably wasn't much point in insisting Saeyoung sleep either. Saeran knew how stubborn his other half could get - getting particularly obstinate if he knew Saeran was up and doing things without him.

After all, he was the same way.

Sighing, Saeran yields and lifts the glass of water to Saeyoung's lips.

"You should drink at least."

**Saeyoung**

He takes a sip from the glass his brother holds steady for him, trying not to dribble it, which proves difficult given the broad smile that keeps fighting its way onto his face.

Maybe when Saeran's well he can pester him to do that couple feeding thing with him, too.

"Thank you..."

Yeah, he just can't keep that smile off his face.

(Although my head... ugh... maybe I should take a painkiller with breakfast)

"We should eat soon…"

**Saeran**

They might not get sun in the bunker, but Saeyoung's smile is bright enough that it doesn't really matter.

Saeran can't help but mirror the smile with a softer one of his own, taking the glass back and setting it aside before returning his hands to Saeyoung's. What can he say, he likes holding hands too. And Saeyoung's are soft and warm, and Saeran wants to kiss them.

So he does, leaning down to press his mouth briefly to Saeyoung's knuckles.

"Breakfast sounds good... I can make it."

**Saeyoung**

His heart warms at Saeran's small kiss. When he does things like that...

"Saaaaaaeeeeran..." he drawls, "you're my aaaangelllllll..." Saeyoung nuzzles into his twin and gives him a brief squeeze.

"Let's.............. do the things."

**Saeran**

"You're loopier than usual." Saeran remarks dryly, standing. He tugs at Saeyoung’s arm, then takes his hand again, to lead him to the lounge.

Once there, Saeran locates his phone, lying next to a pile of medical supplies Saeyoung piled there the day before. It's on low charge, but alive. Kind of like how he feels.

"I'll catch-up on the chats and see if there's something we can eat."

(I should let them know I'm back on my feet too...) No doubt Saeyoung had given the RFA plenty to worry about.

With some regret, Saeran releases his brother's hand to fetch a charger, so he can chat and power up his phone's battery at the same time.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung feels the absence of his twin's hands straight away. He wanders over to the abandoned sheets on the couch and briefly, tries holding his own hand.

Nope. That's just weird.

Oh well. He starts dragging the sheets from the couch. He can at least tidy up the place while Saeran cooks.

He tries piling the sheets around his shoulders, then, staggering slightly, wanders down the corridor towards the laundry area.

"Woooooooooooo~" he moans, a pillow case draped over his head.

"I'm the ghost of sickness paaaaaast"

**Saeran**

Scrolling through the chats is heart-warming. Saeran's never felt quite so cared for in his life... though it makes him feel awkward. Responding to the consideration of his lover and brother was one thing. It was another to be so exposed to friends, no matter how close they were.

Nevertheless, he's thankful for the well-wishes and recipes from the RFA members.

No one else seems to be online right now, so Saeran leaves a brief update and a grateful message before logging off to check just what they've got stocked in the pantry.

Distantly, he hears his twin stomping and bumping into things in the hallway. What...?

"Be careful...!"

**Saeyoung**

"Oookaaaay~" he attempts to call back, although his voice kinda snags again.

Maybe he _should_ nap more.

But he doesn't want to sleep while his brother is still recovering. And besides, he'd miss out on whatever Saeran is going to make.

Plus, he really needs those painkillers. His head is… and his body…

(God, I'm not...)

He can't get sick yet. Saeran isn't fully recovered.

Once Saeran is 100% better, then he can get sick. (Let’s hold out until then, okay, body?)

He stumbles into their small laundry room, a mass of sheets and pillowcases, and spends a couple minutes just. Trying to extricate himself from them.

(Why is it always so much harder to untangle than to tangle?)

There’s more than one load of washing to do, so he puts the washing machine on Fast Wash mode and sits down on the tiled floor, dizzily.

(It's cool on the tiles... kinda nice.)

And the thrumming of the washing machine is… nice, too... and the spinning of the clothes is… nice...

Maybe he'll just chill and regain his strength a little...

That'd be... nice...

**Saeran**

Oblivious, Saeran fusses in the kitchen.

(Looks like there's still leftover rice porridge...)

Saeyoung seems to have prepared a large pot of it, probably for Saeran in case his cold dragged on. Taking a small taste to check the flavor (bland, not too salty) Saeran spoons some out into bowls before adding honey, ginger and pears. MC had suggested it as a variation on the original recipe, in case he felt like something sweet. Plus, honey is anti-bacterial…

Rice porridge warmed, and new ingredients added, Saeran takes the bowls out into the living area. But Saeyoung is nowhere to be seen.

"Hyung...?"

(Is... is he okay?)

There's an unsettled feeling boiling in his stomach, which has nothing to do with the illness.

Placing the bowls down, Saeran wanders down the hallway in search for his brother.

And what he finds... Is a ghost in the laundry, sitting on the tiles in a daze.

"What are you doing?"

It's rhetorical. Saeran shuffles over to Saeyoung, kneeling and tugging the stray sheet off of him, likely destined for a second load.

He... looks as pale as a ghost without the sheet too.

The nasty little voice deep in Saeran’s mind pipes up. (You knew this would happen. Airhead.)

Saeran ignores it, pressing a hand to Saeyoung's forehead and frowning at how warm it is.

"I gave you my cold, didn't I... we shouldn't have kissed."

**Saeyoung**

Saeran’s hand feels so cool.

(Gahh...) He should have realised resting like this would worry his brother.

"Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh............" he drags out, using the sound to think, "the incubation period... would be longer than this... if I'm getting sick... I would have already had it for a few days... I would already have had it since you went down..."

He tries to shake off the sheet, then looks up at his twin, helpless. Heart sinking when he sees the look of concern on Saeran’s face. "I'm sorry... could you... help me with this?"

The sheet is somehow tangled around his arm tightly...

(It really is so easy to get tangled... without doing anything at all...)

**Saeran**

Seeing his twin try and act strong even when he was obviously not makes Saeran feel a little complicated. There's the usual bitterness stirring in his heart, but there's just as much worry and desire to nurture him too.

The least he could do was help Saeyoung with the blanket. It doesn't take much work to untangle Saeyoung, and once he's free Saeran clasps his hand again. Gazes at his face meaningfully.

"Don't be a hypocrite, and let me look after you."

...that might be too harsh.

Saeran tries again.

"It makes me happy if you rely on me too..." How they caught the cold is irrelevant at this point, though Saeran suspects the group date probably had something to do with it. If Yoosung or Zen caught something too, it'd practically be certain.

"...I made us a healthy breakfast, so at least come eat that..."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung squeezes his hand, "No way I'll miss out on your cooking. That... would really make me suffer."

He allows Saeran to help him up, but before his twin can go far Saeyoung wraps him in a hug.

"Got ya... whole body..." he smirks, nuzzling into Saeran's shoulder. "Only fair... because you got my heart..."

**Saeran**

The food will get cold.

The food _will_ get cold.

...

The food can be reheated.

Saeran twists around in Saeyoung's arms, wrapping his own back around his waist and stepping him back against the washing machine.

"Who would've thought being sick would make you so cute..." Sick or not, that gets a kiss.

"I've got your tongue too..." Saeran murmurs into it, very much like a cat that got the cream.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung hums happily in response, returning the kiss with dopey enthusiasm.

"Cute... I got called cute without even asking this time... heeee..." He luxuriates in Saeran’s arms, the gentle hum of the washing machine resonating in his chest. "You can have my tongue... yours is so sweet..."

Saeran’s affection makes his heart pound, but his head throbs even harder, now that he’s standing again. "Wh-...aa-a-"

His drawn out awkward sound of dizzy confusion is broken up by every little thump of the washing machine against his body, like he’s speaking into the blades of a rotating fan.

Saeyoung can't help but chuckle dizzily at how he sounds.

"Ga-a-a-ah," he adds, seeing Saeran smirk.

Saeyoung exaggerates a pout. "I'm... 'm still cute... no take backs... you said it on your own this time."

**Saeran**

"Right... you’re the 'king of cute'."

He punctuates his words with another kiss... Then another...

There hadn't been much point in dressing, the bunker heated well enough already. Over the last week there's been a lot of abrupt nudity, especially in bed. It had felt natural to still be without clothing, at least first thing in the morning.

And now Saeran is extra-grateful for their nakedness, given it makes it easy for him to start slowly kissing down Saeyoung’s slightly vibrate-y chest.

"I bow to your cuteness," he proclaims between kisses. (His silliness is just as contagious as the fever…)

Though Saeran's own affection and desire was just as much to blame.

**Saeyoung**

"Aaaaa-aaaahhh..." It still takes so little of Saeran to provoke so _much_ of Saeyoung, even through his pounding headache, which seems to be blurring together in a daze with the vibration of the washing machine.

Despite the dizziness, the bricks in his head, he can already feel his body responding to his twin, can feel his dick hardening against Saeran's thigh, as he arches against the kisses his brother trails down his chest.

Being cute... Saeran thinking he's cute...

Saeran has shown him many kinds of affection in the time they've been together, but to be treated... like he's cute...

He's powerless against it.

He wants more... more kisses... more touches, more Saeran, more...

And he's too exhausted to play it cool. Although "cool" wasn’t something he could be around his brother in general, anyway.

But normally he'd not beg like this... normally he wouldn't demand things like this... afraid of rejection…

But he's not feeling normal today.

"S-saeraa-aannn-nnn... tell me again... kiss me more... ...say I'm cute mo-ore... tell me-e... you ado-ore me... Saeran... pl-lease..."

**Saeran**

"I adore you."

Admitting it is easy. So is kissing Saeyoung, now with renewed vigour, hands pressing up against the washing machine and pushing Saeyoung up against it - up on _top_ of it.

Having his twin so at his mercy, so desperate for his approval... There's no way it wouldn't turn Saeran on, energize him more than he thought possible when he had felt so fatigued.

"You're so, so cute..."

He means every word, though his mouth is busy chasing the vibrations of Saeyoung's voice, licking and kissing down to his Adam's apple. Pressed together like this, the rocking of the machine starts to get to him too, making his skin jump at every careless brush and intentional caress.

There was no way this wasn't ending in sex. Again.

(Oh well...)

Not that Saeran minds, smiling into each kiss he makes.

**Saeyoung**

The easy way Saeran responds fills Saeyoung's body with dizzy tingling... Although part of that might also be the washing machine.

(God, I wanna play those words back in my head over and over for the rest of my life)

And being pushed back like this... then his twin’s mouth at his throat like this... He groans, his voice faltering a little from his weakened state, and the sensation of Saeran's touches.

"Aaaa-aaahhh... S-saer-an... Saeran..."

He reaches out, running his hands down Saeran's back, feeling the shape of his shoulder blades shift under his skin as he touches Saeyoung in turn, every muscle in his body working towards a single goal: showering affection on his twin.

Bliss... is an understatement.

Saeyoung lets his hands touch their way down to Saeran's waist, which is about as far as he can go from this far back on the machine "Saeraaaan," he moans, never getting tired of the way his brother's name sounds on his lips.

Which reminds him of another deep desire, that Saeran has answered before, but... he's greedy... he wants it... he wants to hear it again...

After all, for Saeyoung, words are as much a part of his lovemaking as his touches.

"Would you..." the shyness grasps him, but he's too tired, too needy to let it hold him back, "...would you... call me by my name... again... kiss me and... say my name...?"

**Saeran**

It never occurred to Saeran that would be something his twin would want to hear.

The surprise makes Saeran lean back, looking at Saeyoung in a new way.

"...Saeyoung." He says deliberately, testing it on his tongue.

Perhaps... to Saeyoung, being called anything else could feel alienating, at least in a moment like this. And it makes sense for his twin to want Saeran, at least, to acknowledge him by his true name.  

Saeran is the only person to truly know all of his brother.

"Saeyoung." Saeran says again, with a warmth usually reserved for flowers.

And as requested, he follows that up with a kiss.

**Saeyoung**

He's weak. With illness, with tiredness, with a day of worrying for his brother's health, with the sensation of his twin's lips on his own, with the way he'd spoken his name still hanging in the air...

His eyes water. Just a few. Just a few happy tears, that are shortly shaken from his eyes by the vibration of the machine below him.

As Saeran pulls back a little, Saeyoung murmurs, dreamily, "...it sounds so lovely when you say it... when you say it... it feels..."

He stops just to _feel_ , as Saeran kisses away the small tears. "...it feels like a good name... when it's on your lips..."

He kisses those lips again, as Saeran straightens up. Saeyoung shuffles forwards, so when that as they part he can lean in to kiss and nuzzle Saeran's neck, vibrating the whole time.

"You gave me ev-verything I a-asked for... and you're everythi-ing I want... this virus wi-ill never take me down when I-I have you..."

He presses into Saeran, letting the vibration stimulate him against his twin... letting Saeran's arms treasure him, hold him, and... also stop him from falling.

(Th-is mu-ust be-e the-e spi-in c-cycle)

(Why-y are my thoughts-s ge-etting bounced arou-und as m-much as my v-voice?!)

**Saeran**

(…still cute).

It's cute how Saeyoung cries over being called by his name. How his voice vibrates along with the machine.

But the words he says are the cutest thing of all.

Saeran kisses the top of Saeyoung's head, tender.

But then he pulls back. Kissing lower...

And lower...

Hands firm on Saeyoung's hips to keep him from falling off.

"I want to give you so much more than just what you ask for..." Saeran mutters, mouthing along his twin's stomach, "Saeyoung..."

It's a bit dangerous, but if he's careful... Saeran presses his mouth to the side of Saeyoung's cock gently, relishing the whole of it. The smell, the taste... The vibration, too.

Never had he imagined he'd enjoy giving head so much.

**Saeyoung**

It's the oppa thing all over again. Saeyoung has bared another weakness, and Saeran explores it...

(No one else but you could do this to me so well... could make me feel this so well...)

(I want you to know how I work... I want to know you inside and out, too…)

There's no feeling like having your own twin run their tongue up your dick like this.

There's no feeling like having someone understand the pieces of your heart like an extension of themselves.

He may be tired and dizzy and sore, but the only thing he can think about is the shiver of sensations along his cock, Saeran's mouth saying such sweet words and doing such things...

"I..." he attempts, but a shudder pulses through him as Saeran teases more, touches more.

"I'm... th-this might be a big one... s-sorry..."

They seem to be making a habit somehow, of this. Of working Saeyoung up and letting him boil.

Not that he minds. He's been having the sex of his life this last week. And he isn't a stranger to edging. Orgasms are only a small part of the fun, anyway. (Just a punctuation mark in the sentence, haha).

But he feels like it's worth warning his twin anyway.

Saeran doesn't seem to care, just making it even harder for Saeyoung to hold on... literally.

**Saeran**

Unlike his twin, Saeran hesitated to call himself a genius. Very few things came easily to him, and often required hard work.

Except for this.

His mouth moves intuitively, up along a vein and to the cock's head. Licking and circling it in the way he knows Saeyoung likes. Which isn't to say he hasn't learned anything new.

(On the contrary... there's so many things I've learned... about him... about me...)

Only that it came naturally to him, every piece fitting together perfectly into place.

It makes Saeran feel good, and makes him... want more. Whether it be a new adventure, uncovering a mystery, or just revisiting things they loved - and even things they didn't... Saeran wants to explore it all, always.

And sucking his feverish twin's dick while on top of a washing machine is certainly fun to explore. Saeyoung's warning does little to dissuade him. It even encourages Saeran, very aware of just how erotic it could be to swallow a big hot load... or having it spill onto his skin...

Saeran pushes his mouth further along Saeyoung's cock, almost to the point of gagging. All that matters is the way Saeyoung is helpless, craving his touch.

**Saeyoung**

Receiving head always makes for a really... clear view of what was happening.

His twin's mouth taking the length of his cock...

...his brother...

...he knows it's fucked up.

(I… just…)

He knows.

Saeran nearly gags taking his length and it feels like an impossible sensation, too extreme to exist, too strong to register in his brain, driving his headache into the background, merging with it into painful, pleasured throbbing.

(I left you behind... and now you'll call me like you used to... and you even... want to do this with me).

He imagines what he would have thought, leaving that house for the last time, to go to his meeting place with V. After saying goodnight to Saeran like it was any other night. What would he have thought, at that young age just only starting to explore his sexuality, that nearly ten years later, his little brother, his other half, the one who thought he'd been betrayed. Who wasn't kept safe like they'd promised...

...that Saeran would be sucking his cock like this. Calling his name like this. That they'd reunite to become lovers.

"...hhaaaaa...f-fuuuuck..."

He nearly comes just at the thought of telling himself that. What would that have _done_ to him?

Would he have turned back? Returned to Saeran? Told him…

(Told him… what?)

In the back of his head, the memories… that have been threatening to return all this time… ever since he laid by his twin on the couch…

They’re almost, almost…

(Did I… did I always…?)

_Yes. Yes. Remember…_

All the while, Saeran plays him beautifully, sensing how close he'd already come...

(God, if he knew what I was thinking about…)

(About…)

_That’s right. There you go. Here they are._

_The things you’ve kept locked away for so long. To protect him._

He remembers.

(Oh…)

He'd... thought about fucking Saeran... before he'd even left.

When had it started? At fourteen? It’s hard to put his finger on it exactly, the days at home blurring together for the most part. He’d definitely started to attend church by then…

(I’d…)

He remembers…

Sometimes he’d get so intense, thinking about what he wanted to do… how much he wanted to touch his brother in ways he knew he shouldn’t… he’d hide, to Saeran’s obvious distress. Guiltily find some privacy to just... think of his twin's mouth... let his dick get hard... pump with his hand while thinking about his cute little brother... the only one he loved... putting his lips over his cock and -

"Saaaaaeran... Saaeran...!!!"

And he comes, hard. HARD. Maybe hearing Saeran call his name like that... maybe that had brought this shameful memory closer to the forefront of his mind.

Of course... it'd been another reason he'd thought they were better off separate. Why he’d thought Saeran would be better off without him…

That guilty pleasure... that shameful memory... Saeran saying his name...

The shaking of the washing machine makes it hard to count just how many times he pumps cum into his twin's mouth... because again and again, through dizzy pain, he feels the wave, the tension, as his balls tense and release.

This had started out so sweet, but Saeyoung's thoughts... had brought him somewhere shameful.

And so pleasurable.

As he gasps shallow breaths inwards, he wonders if he'll ever really be able to explain just how shameful he is to his twin.

But he's not afraid...

(We're both... This is us...)

(It was... inside me from the start.)

He pants, weakly, finally, finally spent.

A ghost, barely corporeal.

**Saeran**

As expected, the amount of cum is too much to handle, especially when Saeran already has a sore throat.

By the second swallow, he gives up, and lets it just flood out the sides of his mouth and down his chin.

By the fourth, he pulls back and gets his face and chest splattered. Perhaps he should feel bad for the amount of pleasure he takes in being so clearly debased by his own twin's cock. Or for being depraved enough to delight in how sexy it makes him feel.

Saeran's... never really felt _sexy_ before. Not even when Saeyoung said it.

Another first.

"Saeyoung," he coos again, not bothering to wipe the cum away and instead standing up to reach for his brother, and pull him into a loose hug.

This entire time, it felt like his brother had been only partly present. Likely the sickness causing his mind to wander in bizarre ways. Which is fine. Saeyoung had been available for what mattered.

But it did make Saeran dreadfully curious.

Pressing a kiss to his twin's mouth, cum lingering on lips, Saeran allows Saeyoung a moment to recover before he asks for more.

"What was on your mind...?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung licks the corner of his lip, tasting what Saeran left behind, taking in the sight of Saeran dripping with _him_. And his twin looks _happy_ about it.

He already decided. Back when they started this.

He'd be honest with Saeran.

Although...

"You really are connected to me..." he smiles, through the pounding headache already returning.

"You could tell, huh... I was remembering..." He rubs at his left temple with one hand, reaching out to Saeran with the other. Gently wiping at the cum on his cheek... the mess he's made of his brother. "I think hearing my name like that... being sick like this... it reminded me... I remembered... really remembered..."

He looks up at his twin, eyes a little feverish. But not just from the fever... smile a little shaky...

"I... I told you that I was fucked up... right? That I've wanted you for a long time, right?"

He barely notices the washing machine come to the end of its quick mode cycle, clicking off quietly to itself, as he holds his twin's gaze.

(I hope I don't make you hate me... with just how messed up I am... but I can't lie.)

(I can't ever lie to you again. I can't ever leave you again. My heart couldn't survive a second time.)

"I really... remembered... how messed up... how far I'd already gone... Saeran..."

He wipes the stickiness onto his thigh and returns his hand to his brother's face... those lips. Those lips... his twin's lips... that had just...

"Your lips..." he strokes them with one thumb. "God, Saeran. Even before... everything happened... before... I left you... I'd already..."

He pauses, eyes glazed with fever and memory. "Do you remember how sometimes, before I left… in that last year or two... I’d shut myself in the bathroom, or disappear for a short time without telling you where I went...?"

Saeran clearly wasn't expecting something heavy. But he doesn't let go, or look away...

"Saeran, I... think I tried to forget just how much I... how far I went... I didn't want to hurt you, I knew it was shameful, so I... I touched myself those times... I thought of you... I wanted you... wanted to do... this... even then... I..."

His voice cracks, and he's not sure if it's the memory or the fever. "I'd think about you. Those times. And masturbate. And. Sometimes I'd lie awake at night... you were sleeping... I breathed in your smell...  in agony... I'd try to wake before you did, so I could jerk off before you woke up... I did it in the same room... being close to you... made it so much better..."

He's moved his gaze to his hand on Saeran's cheek, but he turns his focus back to those eyes again.

(Judge me. It's your right. I won't pretend to be something I'm not...)

"That's what I remembered, just now. Wanting you so badly. And. Never, ever allowing myself to have you."

His gaze is steady. "Saeran... I remembered, and I looked down and saw your mouth on my cock, and... it drove me crazy. I came... and I loved it... I don't just... love you despite the rules of our society. I... _love_... that I'm breaking them... I _love_ that my fucked up 13, 14 year-old self is getting what he fantasised about... it gets me off knowing... I'm like this."

He drops the other hand from his temple to take Saeran's. "I love you. And I'm really... I've been fucked up from the start. I never cared that it wasn't right. The only reason I hid it was because I knew... if anyone found out... you'd be hurt. Mother would have..."

He shudders. "That's me. That's who I am. I've been this depraved since we were young. And thinking of me... thinking of you...even then... made me cum so hard I... well... you were there... haaah..."

He squeezes Saeran's hand. "Sorry... I'm... I'm taking a lot... and my head... I don't even know if I'm making sense.”

**Saeran**

Saeyoung is rambling and out of sorts, but Saeran finds himself enraptured by it. There's a rawness to his admission that somehow makes his twin all the more accessible. Bringing him down to Earth and making him just as dirty as Saeran.

Because Saeran _is_ filth. He might not have had his sexual awakening as early as Saeyoung...

But he was corrupted. Knowingly indulging in taboo, not once trying to deny himself it except at the very start – and only then, because he was afraid of being hurt. Not because it was wrong.

Selfish. Disgusting. ...at least, according to society. A place of arbitrary rules and fake intentions.

For Saeran, nothing felt as pure as living his own truth. Treasuring what he good could in the world. Like the RFA.

Like Saeyoung.

If that meant celebrating their supposed villainy, so be it. He presses his face into the palm of Saeyoung's hand, finding all the reason he needs to keep going there.

"... I used to think you were just crying." He admits, because that was the truth. Saeran had eavesdropped once or twice, and that was all that made sense to him then. "I wanted to comfort you so badly, but you got upset too..."

"Maybe if you were honest then, we could have both been happy."

Unlikely, considering their mother still lurked like a bogeyman around every corner. But Saeran... Saeran knows that if Saeyoung had shown him... It's an impossible thought, which would require a time machine to make reality. But it still makes him smile shyly.

"There's a good chance I would have been glad to share something new with you...and thankful that you taught me such a wonderful thing, that only made us closer."

(Admittedly I would have needed him to hold my hand through it.)

Unconsciously, Saeran raises his own hand to cover the one Saeyoung has on his cheek.

(And would've needed plenty of reassurance...)

Strangely... or maybe not so strangely at all, the conversation reminds Saeran of Rika. Of the philosophy of Mint Eye.

"... I'm glad you don't regret it. Or try to comfort yourself. That you cherish that memory, and that it made you cum..."

The reminder makes Saeran ache. He hasn't come yet, nor does he intend to while Saeyoung is this sick. It's an agony that makes him relate strongly to the younger Saeyoung, who had tormented himself with the one person he could look at but couldn't touch...

(Ah, no, don't think about that...) It'll just make his arousal worse.

Right.

Rika.

(As effective as cold water.)

...

He sighs.

"I don't want to say... society is completely wrong. That we aren't degenerates. I don't want to fall into the pattern... of resenting it, because it can't accept us." There's good reason for incest to be reviled. Glorifying their relationship would be repeating a mistake that Mint Eye believers often made.

Saeran knows this. Is very aware that there's a truth to him being seen as a sinner. That it was just as wrong to pretend it was right. He would be a fool otherwise.

That said, Saeran doesn't think it's punishable either. That this was a weakness, or something to be denied. Controlled.

This was meant to be.

"... I love being with you. It feels like I can finally be free, my true self, when you're with me. So if the world can't accept that?"

There's only one thing to say: "Fuck that."

Saeran grins, a smile that's a little too wide and wild.

He already knew how good it felt to break the rules, but it was even better expressing it.

Plus...

Rika didn't like swearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebellious Saeran is so cute~
> 
> Honestly, Saeyoung uses such romantic language to talk about his twin in the game, it really did feel like he's repressing something to a degree;;;
> 
> Was gonna break this into two chapters initially but I kinda liked keeping it all together ^^;
> 
> Thank you as always for reading! - Saeyoung's writer!


	5. What's a katamari?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [the fic opening theme music plays, the subtitle card comes up]: "Saeyoung Gets High On Cough Medicine"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOI BOYS! Had to be sure the next lot of transcripts were edited by today so we could celebrate their birthday with an update!

**Saeyoung**

"Oh!" Hearing his twin swear like that, Saeyoung can't help but grin feverishly back at Saeran’s wild smile. Saeyoung wasn’t against throwing out profanity out from time to time, but he'd never heard his brother say more than maybe ‘hell’ up till now.

"I got to learn something new about you... I'm happy... haha…" The look on his twin's face right now connects to something deep in Saeyoung. Something that makes him shiver.

Defiance. But a different kind than Saeyoung has consciously allowed himself before.

He wants more of it. He wants to learn that kind of defiance from his twin. Not his own, sulky, driving-Vanderwood-crazy laziness he’d taken up in the Agency, his only form of rebellion.

No. This kind of defiance was far more compelling…

He knows Saeran’s inner self is far more complex than it had been when they were children.

But seeing a glimpse of that smile, that rebellious side…

…he wants to see it more.

But, as well as that…

"I know, now, another truth, about both of us. Hiding anything from you is the worst sin I could possibly commit. You're right. Even if it had made life more difficult for us both, I should have always been honest with you."

His headache is making stringing sentences together increasingly difficult. But with both his hands in contact with Saeran, with his twin's hands on his own, he's anchored all the same. "Hiding things to protect you. No matter how depraved or shameful they might be. It separates us in ways that only ache... only hurt us.”

He raises his chin. “So yeah. Fuck that." And his lips curve to mirror his twin's own fierce defiance, and his devilish delight in it. But he can't hold it long before -

(I want him, I want him, I want him)

\- he's seizing Saeran's mouth in another kiss, channelling all the boldness of his words, and the aching hunger as his younger self felt, yearning for his brother... never allowing himself to act...

...but then he overbalances and nearly falls off the machine entirely, having to shift his grip on Saeran to stop from pushing them both to the tiles.

"W-w... sorry... haha... your brother really is imbalanced today..."

**Saeran**

Briefly, as Saeyoung kisses him, the arousal returns as strong as ever and makes Saeran dizzy. His body warning him that he's still sick enough to be overwhelmed by much more of this.

It seems Saeyoung's body has the same idea, but in typical Saeyoung fashion... (He always exaggerates.)

Saeran allows himself a moment of gazing at his brother's face. Those lips... that kissed him with such longing just seconds ago...

His mind wanders.

(We could role play out that fantasy of his.)

It wouldn’t be the first time, on reflection. Back at Mint Eye, he’d even projected Saeyoung onto previous partners. Saw his brother's face perpetually at 15 as he fucked out their brains...

…he’d taken great pleasure in it.

Thinking about that more deeply makes Saeran cold, though. Yes, those fantasies had involved unrequited love too...

But it wasn't as sweet as Saeyoung's childhood yearnings.

At some point, he’ll suggest it to Saeyoung. But now isn’t the time.

Saeran carefully pulls back and helps Saeyoung down from the machine.

"It's because you're sick. Obviously."

And Saeran had promised himself he'd take care of Saeyoung if this would happen, so that's just what he'll do. "Listen... Let's change the laundry loads, then go get dressed and eat, okay?"

As if he wasn't already picking up the sheets on the ground to clean himself up.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's right, and Saeyoung's in no position to convince him otherwise, despite the recovered memories playing merry havoc with his heartrate...

...or maybe that's the illness, too.

...he idly wonders what other memories he's written a brief mental summary of, placed in a box with an obscure label on top and forgotten the rest. That was the nature of living, right? You couldn't hold all of that inside you all the time. But he does wonder what else is still inside him, what else he's considered a problem and just stored away.

Particularly when it came to things that had happened to him while he was in the Agency. He’s avoided thinking about many of those events, too. Just how much has he locked away?

Though…

If he stays by Saeran's side... it feels like eventually all the things he has hidden away will be brought into the light. Unpacking boxes stored in a cellar for a decade, filled with mould and memory.

And rather than wrinkle his nose in disgust, his twin had treated the opening of this one like a gift.

He can only aim to do the same for his twin, should he need to do the same.

Saeyoung realises he's been staring into the distance absently again as Saeran touches his arm. His brother has already started the washing machine again while he was hazily reflecting.

"Ah..." He takes Saeran's hand and walks back to the lounge room. He separates only to drop himself onto the couch in front of a bowl of something interesting that smells faintly of ginger. Now... now that he's sitting... he's not sure how he's going to get back up again. Now that he's let his body rest, it...

He feels so heavy.

"Ooof..." he says, forcing himself to sit upright. His head resists the movement, as if the brain inside was lagging behind the rest of his body by a few seconds. “The food… looks nice…” he offers, staring at it as if he’s not sure what to do with it.

**Saeran**

Forget 'out of it', Saeyoung was far far away and not able to go any further without passing out. The lethargic way he moved was evidence of that.

"I'll reheat it." Saeran reassures him, picking up the bowls. "Don't feel like you have to move... I'll get us more blankets, at least."

He's serious about doting on Saeyoung, and the bunker isn't so naturally warm that they can go without cover constantly.

After pressing a kiss to his twin's forehead (h-hot…) Saeran leaves.

**Saeyoung**

"Ooookaaayy..." Saeyoung drawls dizzily, letting himself flop back down on the couch.

Ugh. His brain is still lagging. And the impact just made the headache worse.

He stares vacantly at the ceiling for a minute. (Need those painkillers.)

(Wait.)

He could just take some of the cough medicine... that also had some painkilling effects.

He pulls himself back upright, wincing, and leans over one of the water glasses.

(I think it's about... 20mL? One dose? I can just estimate it...) The glass would be about 200mL... so he just needs to pour maybe 10% of the way up.

(There we go...)

His hand-eye coordination is... not the greatest right now.

(Wh-whoops. That's... more than 10%)

(Eh... it's fine... a tiny bit extra won't hurt me.)

It all seems very sensible to him. He picks up the glass and starts to drain it, his lip curling a little at the sickly-sweet flavour.

**Saeran**

Meanwhile, Saeran has put the bowls in the microwave and has gone to get more blankets, and yes, some clothing. Though pyjamas didn't really count as getting dressed.

(Who cares?)

The only person around to impress was Saeyoung, who... could talk, excessively, but pointlessly. It's with this bounty he returns to his twin, only to find him chugging down medicine.

Saeran's stomach churns at the sight of it.

"What... _what are you doing_?"

How did he think it was a good idea?!

Did he even think??

In all likelihood: no.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung registers his twin's presence more than his words or tone, and the thing he's most excited about when turning to look at him is -

"Saeran... you made a katamari...!"

His brother is, indeed, holding a large ball of blankets and clothing. Saeyoung leans back into the couch and grins happily, attempting to hum the theme song to himself. "Nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah... no wait that was off-key, uh... nah... nope... nah? Yeah! Nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah nahhhhh..."

**Saeran**

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Saeran deadpans, dumping the blankets and clothes on Saeyoung before very quickly confiscating the medicine.

Worry seeps into his voice, "You can overdose on this too, you know..."

And then the expiration date catches his eye. It's over a year old.

Saeran has no idea what that might mean, but he's very afraid it's something no good.

(What do I do?)

(What if it turns out badly?)

Distressed, those thoughts circle in his head at high speed, before-

The microwave dings from the kitchen.

(Food...)

Yeah, that could help. It'll probably dilute the worst of it... water too, he should fetch the jug from the bedroom.

With renewed purpose, Saeran goes to fetch both items. Leaving Saeyoung to get comfortable, and maybe put some pants on.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung looks at the piles of blankets and clothes.

The pile of blankets and clothes look back.

(Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...)

But Saeran _did_ bring him pyjamas... and he generally sleeps naked so... isn't being sick the prime time to actually enjoy owning some? And they _are_ cute.

And for some reason, Saeran seemed worried...?

So, he slides his brick-like limbs into his pair of dark grey pyjama pants that turn into vertical rainbow stripes starting at the knee, with their matching grey shirt with a nyan cat running across the chest.

His friends in the RFA might accuse him of being erratic, but Saeyoung is nothing but consistent. He has a theme, and he sticks to it. Besides, nyan cat always makes him smile. It's old meme, but... good meme.

He flops back onto the couch, exhausted just from dressing alone. And. Okay, the orgasm too. A few things. All of which add up to: tired messy redhead in goofy pyjamas. (I wonder when the medicine is gonna kick in... hurry uuuuuup... hit my bloodstream alreadyyyyy)

**Saeran**

Saeran's relieved seeing Saeyoung all bundled up in his PJs and blankets on the couch when he returns, once again placing the bowls and water on the nearby table.

Much better than the nightmarish scenario his brain was going through: vomit, pain, passing out... logically he knows that not all medications are the same, and even if expired the ones Saeyoung took are probably safe.

That doesn't stop his worrying.

Does Saeyoung even know the drugs were expired? (I better ask...)

But first, he settles next to Saeyoung and tugs lightly at his shoulders. Beckoning.

"Lie your head in my lap... I'll feed you."

**Saeyoung**

"o m g" Saeyoung says the acronym aloud "I don't know if I can handle being that happy but I'll try to survive it."

The transition to his brother's lap is a little dizzying, but once he's there -

"Hi... this is my home now. Sorry. I like it here."

**Saeran**

"I invited you." Saeran retorts back, unable to keep himself from smiling despite all other concerns. This was one of those things he had dreamed about, but thought was impossible for him... and it's just as sublime as he imagined. Briefly distracted by the novelty, he brushes back Saeyoung's hair.

"... this was something I always thought would be nice to do, when I was feeling bad."

Which of course meant that a part of him, in those times, had wanted Saeyoung to fill that position… Saeran placing his own head in his brother’s lap… except his twin hadn’t been there. No one had ever offered Saeran their lap.

Still, being able to do it _for_ Saeyoung now, after all the pain they've gone through... it feels pretty good.

Too bad Saeyoung had to be sick to remind him of it. Possibly sicker, shortly, if the medicine... "The stuff you took was out of date."

Leaning over Saeyoung slightly, Saeran grabs one of the bowls and a spoon. Scooping up the porridge and blowing on it lightly, as Saeyoung did for him.

"You should eat in case...  anyway, you should eat."

**Saeyoung**

"Oh, it was? Huuuuh... yeahhh... I guess the last time I took any was a couple years ago now... I got the flu on a mission... it was the wooooooorsssssssst uuuuughhhhhhhh..." he reminisces moodily, wincing at the memory. "I'd had to sleep under a traffic bridge for daaaaayys and it raiiiined and I haaaaateeed it..."

Even though his skin is warm, he shivers a little. Monitoring that communications tap and slowly working through the on-site tasks to get into that LAN had been a nightmare... that's a memory he'd happily put away in a box.

"Then when I had to report in to the boss, I lost my voice... haha............"

He shakes his head, which only makes the headache worse... although it does seem to be throbbing a little less now. "It should be fine... maybe a little less effective than it would have been before... that stuff lasts forever though... very useful in case of zombie apocalypse..."

**Saeran**

"Is... is that so?"

Saeran can't help his relief, but he does pause holding the spoon rather than feeding it to Saeyoung right away.

Saeyoung had gotten sick too... with no one to look after him... and had worked in miserable conditions...

So preoccupied with his own misery, he had easily overlooked Saeyoung's. That was understandable when he'd been convinced his brother had deserved what he'd got, and could only blame himself for the sadness he was so clearly covering up.

Now it left Saeran feeling unsettled. Yes, he had a lot of baggage to work through... but he shouldn't turn a blind eye to Saeyoung's either. No matter how easy it was to do so, if only due to Saeyoung's habit of putting Saeran first.

More cognizant of that than ever, Saeran slowly and gently spoon-feeds Saeyoung. There was nothing he could do about the past, except recognize it and move forward.

Which is easier said than done.

"...I'm sorry you went through that." Saeran remarks quietly. Because he has to say something, or he'll end up obsessing over his guilt.

**Saeyoung**

"Hmmmm..." Saeyoung drags out the sound dreamily in between tiny mouthfuls of food. "I brought it on myself... by accepting V's offer... should just have kissed you and gotten thrown out..." He smiles up at Saeran, eyes a little glazed. "Yeah... should have kissed you... the first time I wanted to... definitely brought it on myself... I'm sorry too... I messed up so bad..."

**Saeran**

... this is probably another thing best talked about when Saeyoung was less sick.

"That isn't fair." Saeran says instead, "You... we... were both young, and there was a lot we didn't know how to handle."

There's so much more to say around it, but that's the most that subject deserves for now. Working Saeyoung up was not part of the plan. He feeds Saeyoung another spoonful, before he gets a chance to get agitated over Saeran's apparent forgiveness.

"And... I'm still sad to think of you living like that. I love you... I wanted you to be happy..."

It was so long ago he'd forgotten. Memories of anguish had replaced that innocence. Rediscovering it is like finding an old photo long thought to be destroyed.

"It was short, and I missed you every day, but I wished you were okay... and cheerful... it didn't matter that you weren't with me. As long as you weren't dead or in pain."

Those days, alone, before Mint Eye… without a doubt, all that kept him going was a feeling that Saeyoung wasn't dead. A hunch Saeran chose to believe and live with. There had been a part of him that knew Saeyoung felt the same way about him too. Whether or not his twin had been the one to run away.

So he had tried so hard to live well, until...

...

He still has the spoon in Saeyoung's mouth.

**Saeyoung**

Still looking dreamy, Saeyoung hardly seems to notice. "Ah alphays thought abouf you, thoo..."

He looks faintly confused as the words that hit his ears don't match what he thought was coming out of his mouth. He continues as Saeran removes the spoon at last. "I wish you'd been able to get my Christmas present I tried to send to you..." He shifts, turning his head briefly to kiss Saeran on the stomach through the shirt he now wears. "Your smile kept me alive... no one smiles like you Saeran... I always tried to imagine it...precious things list... it goes uh…

1) saeran

2) saeran's smile

3) cats

4) cat smiles

5) mixing salty and sweet

6) uh................ I forget...... OH SPACE wait that should be 5) oh no…"

**Saeran**

Saeran's stomach flutters at the kiss, and more at the list. Nonsensical ramblings of a sick man it may be, but it made Saeran blush nonetheless.

"You're... spacing out..." he teases. Buying himself some time to regain his composure. "And… you really have a lot of lists."

Hadn't he mentioned a top 50 while Saeran had been in his position? Or was that a delusion brought up by a sick mind?

Though at least Saeran wasn't high off expired drugs at the time. (Or is that just still Saeyoung being Saeyoung?)

It isn't clear if his brother is naturally this lively yet befuddled while sick. Certainly, Saeran can't clearly remember a time when Saeyoung was sick before.

(... is it weird I want to treasure this too...)

Who knows when Saeyoung would be sick again? There wasn't much Saeran could do about that more than he already was though.

Besides, Saeyoung had said something very interesting and it was best to move in on that while he can.

(Taking advantage of vulnerable people... I haven't changed much at all.) Once again, Saeran shoves that thought aside. It's getting easier and easier every time. All he had to do was remind himself of things. Like... Saeyoung wouldn't mind. He knows his brother's heart. And he promised to be honest.

His twin apparently no longer interested in eating, Saeran takes the next spoonful meant for Saeyoung and swallows it instead before he asks his next question.

(The combination of ingredients is really good...)

(I'll definitely finish this off later.)

"You said something about Christmas?"

Mint Eye celebrated it too, it being a bastardized cult based on Christianity. But it wasn't something Saeran had really been able to enjoy, there. And the Church school... he wasn't around for it.

Saeran only had one good memory of the holiday.

And certainly never got a present.

**Saeyoung**

(Oooooooo... that's the stuff… cough medicine finally coming through for me…)

He’s resting on a cloud, the pain and deeper levels of thought gently floating beneath him for later.

"I wish they gave it to you... I dodged the tracking satellite an, an... the... everything... it was such a nervous flight hahaha... I wanted to read it to you so much... I imagined reading it to you... I think we were 18 then... or 17.... or 19... huh..."

Saeyoung rambles, not focusing on anything, clearly lost in a mix of memories and the present. "So many short stories... but I could imagine your face when the plots came together... I wanted to hear what you thought... so much... he said he'd try to give it to you..."

His arms, which had been splayed by his sides, reach up to somewhat awkwardly give his twin a waist level hug, before dropping down again like they're filled with sand.

"...the one I loved... the kind one... who didn't want to use me... you, you, only you..."

**Saeran**

... yeah. There was something going on with the medication now. This was precisely why Saeran didn't want to take any.

Saeran couldn't guarantee what his own reaction would be under such an influence. At least Saeyoung was adorable... although heart-wrenching.

"I wish..."

Saeran wishes for a lot of things. Most of them futile.

It was better to wish for something he could feasibly achieve.

The way he pauses to rephrase his sentence is almost a physical shift.

"I wish we could find it again and share it... if we can't, there's always other stuff you can share with me now too."

There were the millions of references Saeyoung made every day which Saeran didn't always get, for a start.

What was important is that their desire wouldn't be controlled by anything or anyone else anymore. Saeran can recognize the importance of Saeyoung working so hard to get that gift to him though, against all odds. Hates that he never knew about it until now...

If he did, so many things could have been different.

"It's... the thought that counts."

He means it.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung, laboriously, raises one arm, a single finger extended, as if he's some public speaker about to make a critical point in his arguments.

"Also............. calculators.......... they count………….."

He leaves his hand raised another second before dropping it once more.

Only to lift it up again.

"And.... computers... although they're just fancy calculators anyway." He rests the hand down on his chest. "Sorry... not very funny... but... I'll look for it... I'll read it to you one day, okay? I will..."

Oh yeah.

"That was really tasty... as always."

**Saeran**

"Thank MC. It was her recipe."

It felt good to hear Saeyoung enjoyed it though.

Computers and calculators… reminds him of a gift he did receive from Saeyoung, sort of. After he’d left.

"You were the one who taught me about programming... I scoured all your notebooks. Trying to feel closer to you." Of course, it had been a part of Rika's long con, and too difficult for Saeran to truly appreciate. In Mint Eye he had hated it too, only the accomplishment and recognition truly making it worthwhile.

But Saeran still appreciated learning just for that one connection.

**Saeyoung**

"Thanks MC..." Saeyoung says dutifully, like a child greeting their school teacher.

Then he blinks. "My notebooks..."

Wait.

He means.

THOSE NOTEBOOKS?

HE STUDIED THOSE?

(But those notebooks… that’s where… I wrote about him!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN. Next chapter yet another of teen Saeyoung's awkward secrets is revealed!
> 
> Saeran: Oh. _Oh._ Wait. That was about ME?!


	6. What I wrote for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some embarrassing reveals about Saeyoung's notebooks, and lots of cuddling. A very fluffy chapter. Next one'll be kinkier, haha.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran has… all the notebooks Saeyoung used during his initial hacking studies… he’d been so successful with them that it had lead V and Rika to suggest he join the Agency.

(Those notebooks…)

If Saeran has read his notebooks, surely he saw...

"You... did you ever notice ...the code in the little pictures I drew in the margins... those numbers..."

It had been well-hidden. He'd done his best to make it look like gibberish, so that anyone who looked at the pages would just see mindless doodles in between notes about firewalls and network tokens, patterns made by an idle mind unable to focus on their work.

To make it look like nothing, so no one would ever even try to decode it...

…it would have been safer to never write the thoughts down in the first place.

...but he couldn’t help it. He had to write them somewhere.

To think he'd left them out for his twin to read when he left... maybe part of him had hoped Saeran would see the code... know Saeyoung’s true, selfish feelings.

"...'member the page that was just covered in flowers and numbers? It was in the BISCO networking stuff..."

**Saeran**

"Of course, I studied them. Where else did you think I learned how to code?"

Once he had access to the internet, sure, he had been able to learn a lot more...

But there was a reason why Saeran had been able to infiltrate the RFA messenger so easily, He was intimately familiar with Saeyoung's programming. Naturally, he'd also decoded everything that caught his attention.

That included the doodles.

"I saw those, but I never understood what exactly you meant when writing that stuff... it was pretty, uh. Metaphorical, I guess? Were you using code words?"

His younger self had wondered at the messages, but he'd figured it was something which required context he just didn’t have. Saeyoung's reaction only confirms that, and he's starting to get a suspicion of what it might have meant.

"... are you going to tell me, or will I start guessing?"

It was a little fun watching Saeyoung panic about it.

**Saeyoung**

God, he wonders if Saeran still has any of them.

It'd be like... if someone found your old Hivejournal... except... way more incriminating.

"Hahaha... uh. Embarrassing... they were my wishes... my daydreams..."

**Saeran**

"...your kink list." Saeran finishes.

Given what he remembers… it’s probably _not_ that, but it’s worth it for how much the suggestion makes his twin wheeze.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung is giggling... and wheezing... like an asthmatic school child who just heard someone say "butts".

"Saeran!" he protests weakly. "I didn't know about most of that stuff then!! I did my kink lists... later... like a civilised person... with a sorter!!”

He flails a hand in the air. “I... I even had to look some of the kinks up!! Just because I'm..." he's still giggling, and coughing too, "an aesthete of horny now... and, look, okay, a masturbation fiend as a teen...” He can _feel_ Saeran’s smirk without even seeing it. “LOOK... GOD... SAERAN..."

He turns his head, pressing it into Saeran's stomach, and just winds up giggling more.

"I mean... some of it was definitely horny... you have me there... raindrops... were not raindrops... I'm sorry to tell you... you experienced some rain before, just now... h-hah..."

**Saeran**

"There's a sorter for kinks?"

News to Saeran. He’d learned a lot about them online, and certainly engaged in some with other Believers in the cult, but… unlike a certain somebody, he was not an expert.

Said expert is caught up in giggling though, and the sensation against Saeran's stomach makes him squirm. Good to know his guess was close.

(Raindrops... honestly...)

It is a little funny though, and his tone reflects his amusement.

"I thought it was some weird poetry... maybe about someone at church you crushed on."

Now he knew enough to make a very different conclusion.

**Saeyoung**

He looks up at his twin, flustered in a very specific way. Still wheezing, he gets his questions out.

"You... you get that page... that complex page... you get it was a love poem now, right...? You know… it was about you... right...?"

**Saeran**

"...yeah." Saeran admits, voice wavering a bit weakly. Being flustered seems to be contagious too.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung recovers his breath a little more, still smirking. "So… if you post in the messenger that you don't think we're gonna go out any more... coz there's a chance of rain... you know you're gonna hear me laughing... no matter where I am... from now on..."

**Saeran**

Never mind Saeyoung laughing. _Saeran_ is laughing now.

(Hell... my throat...)

It hurts, but he can't stop.

"Haha... you never cease to amaze me."

(Can I even think of weather the same way now?)

If he ever went back to programming too... he'll probably think of those notes involuntarily. Speaking of which.

"... actually, there were some other things you wrote too... like in the python notepad..."

If he’s interpreting it correctly, now, that was very lewd. Saeran shakes his head slightly, chasing away the flush rising on his cheeks. Now was not the time to get caught up in that, especially since it was stirring Saeyoung up when he really needed to rest.

"Never mind. We can talk about it later. You should try to sleep..."

**Saeyoung**

The python notepad, the python notepad... hmmm... there'd been the stuff about the dream house he wanted to live in with his twin... he'd spent a lot of time thinking about that... and...

...o-oh.

...as a teen he might not have known a _lot_ about sex... but he'd certainly had a vivid imagination... and a lot of pent up thoughts he couldn't share even with the one person he would normally have told everything.

(God… that one was _filthy_.)

...how is he gonna sleep now that... they talked about THAT...

...or so he thinks, but his body has other ideas. He can feel his eyelids getting heavier even now.

"But what are you going to do?"

**Saeran**

Saeran reflects for a moment. "Maybe I'll watch some TV like you suggested... learn about some of the things you keep bringing up... like..." He looks down at Saeyoung. "...’what is a katamari’, for example."

**Saeyoung**

"Oh, you'll need MeTube for that... if you get really interested, then I have an emulator with..."

Soon, Saeran has set them up with a fresh jug of water, and he's got the wireless keyboard and mouse on the couch arm while he surfs MeTube videos, gaining an education in What is A Katamari.

Saeran snorts, and says "what" a few times, but conversation dies off, and Saeyoung finds himself lulled to light napping, his head now just resting slightly on top of his twin's nearest thigh like a pillow. Eventually, he rolls over onto his side facing the couch, wrapping one arm around his brother's waist like he's an extra-large teddy bear.

At first, Saeyoung’s breathing is fairly loud and raspy, but over time it grows softer and softer until you wouldn't be able to tell he was breathing at all.

**Saeran**

Let's be honest, Saeran has all he needs right where he is. Food, water, blankets, entertainment, his phone, his brother...

He checks into the messenger again. There he has a brief chat with a relatively panicked Jumin - looks like MC has fallen ill too. They both agree the party was to blame, and Jumin makes vague threats about shutting the bar down for health code violations.

Watching the corporate heir lose his usual cool entertains Saeran for quite a few minutes. Eventually Jaehee logs into the chat too, and offers condolences for the twins and MC, while trying to drag her boss to work and forget unnecessary law suits.

Both Jumin and Jaehee are intelligent conversation partners. Saeran never expected to enjoy discussing things like litigation and business matters with them. It’s like when discussing musicals with Zen would suddenly grow surprisingly deep.

Maybe he should watch one...

He loads one up onto the TV, when he notices how quiet and still Saeyoung is.

Irrational fear grips him.

It wasn't natural for his brother to be like that.

(Did the drugs...) Was there something bad about them after all? If it was the illness, Saeran would at least expect Saeyoung to be coughing or struggling.

Thoughtlessly, he grips Saeyoung's shoulder almost painfully, shaking him.

“Saeyoung?!”

**Saeyoung**

"Y-yo... five more minutes... the script isn't done running y-yet..." Saeyoung whines under his breath. "My arm's... still... mending... why you gotta make me work while it’s broken…"

His eyes open blearily, and he rolls over to look up at Saeran in confusion.

"S...Saeran...? But..."

He shudders.

"Saeran!" Pushing himself up to wrap both arms around his twin. He takes a minute to inhale deeply, face pressed into Saeran’s body.

"I love you... I love you, Saeran..." he says, muffled by the fabric of his twin's shirt.

Hard to know if it's the illness, medicine or the dream that's spurred him on, but he holds Saeran a little longer before sitting up, rubbing at his eyes.

"Whatchya doing? Are ya winning?"

**Saeran**

Making sense of Saeyoung is as difficult as usual, but Saeran is too relieved to worry about that.

And it's nice to be the recipient of such energetic affection.

"I'm a winner with you with me." Saeran replies without a thought, merely expressing his genuine emotions. Then he realizes what he said and blushes at how mushy it sounds. They've both said far worse, and probably still will... That doesn't make any less awful when you truly hear yourself saying such lines.

He clears his throat.

"You had a bad dream...?" It sure sounded like a nightmare from the snippet Saeyoung had mumbled.

It also gives Saeran the perfect excuse, which just happens to be the truth.

"I needed to check you were okay."

**Saeyoung**

Probably to Saeran's relief, Saeyoung seems to take the winning comment as intended, with not even a hint of teasing. "Me too..."

But when Saeran brings up the dream... "Hmmm..." he responds, a cloud going across his face. "It's already fading... you weren't there, though... it was lonely… anyway. It was just a dream."

He leans into Saeran, clinging onto his arm. "How are you feeling? Are you getting better?"

**Saeran**

Saeran pets his twin's hair automatically, as if his brother is a cat seeking attention.

"My throat is just a little sore," he admits easily. It might take another day or two for that to go away. "The worst is behind me... I think..."

He curls a finger around one of Saeyoung’s slightly sweaty locks, gently. "I was about to put on one of Zen's musicals, if you feel up to watching it with me?"

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah… I wanna be awake with you..." Saeyoung cuddles up to Saeran even more, nuzzling his face into his twin's arm. "I don't want any other dreams right now..."

He pauses, a little awkwardly. He's not sure why he suddenly feels so shy about this, but... “Uhm. Before we do that... could you... kiss me a little...? I just... I just want to know you're real... and here... and... that this isn't the dream any more..."

**Saeran**

"Are you saying we've never kissed in your dreams?" Saeran murmurs, warm and coy. Bullying Saeyoung just enough to make him loosen up. "I dream about kissing you a lot."

A simple admission that shouldn't work as well as it does. He can feel how it makes an electric charge run through Saeyoung, shocking his system ever so slightly.

That's the moment to kiss him.

So Saeran does. Saeyoung's mouth is already pliable, half open from something he's about to say and an inherent need for Saeran's lips.

Saeran's own are intent and affectionate.

**Saeyoung**

He's entirely unprepared for such a smooth onslaught from his twin. A strange sensation courses through his body. It feels he's suspended in something other than air, a bubble that formed around Saeyoung at the moment Saeran pressed his lips against his.

Everything else around him becomes just water and soap film and reflections of light. Only his twin's lips, and hands... only the kiss is real. It's kind of what an inexperienced romantic might imagine a first kiss would be like, only to be rudely disappointed by their future actual experience.

But it’s real. And it envelops him. So captivated, he doesn't even make a sound, just responding with touch and eyes half-closed in bliss.

Saeran, at some point, breaks the connection.

"Gosh..." is all Saeyoung has in response.

**Saeran**

In an effort not to laugh, Saeran nips Saeyoung's lips.

"Is that all you have to say?"

(Who would've thought kissing him could shut him up so easily.)

After all, Saeyoung tended to be chatty. Somehow getting even more talkative while sick.

(Good to know.)

**Saeyoung**

When he’s nipped like that, Saeyoung just wants to roll over with his paws in the air... hands... paw-hands... hand-paws.

Instead he attempts to remember how to language.

"That was... have I mentioned... you're a really good kisser... because... you're... really good at it."

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's adorable when he's flustered. Saeran had been contemplating showing mercy, but that plan is swiftly forgotten in the face of Saeyoung fumbling over being kissed.

So kisses the side of Saeyoung's mouth, and then his cheek, before replying.

"No. That's the first time." Hearing it makes Saeran want to do it more, until Saeyoung was completely overcome.

And it didn't hurt to rib Saeyoung about it. Not when he behaved like this as a result.

He puts on a mock-humble tone. "I'm not very experienced so I thought you were keeping quiet for my sake..."

(...)

Okay, maybe there was a little truth in there. He might… be a little insecure. That thought didn't come from nowhere.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung raises his arms straight into the air like an excessively enthused praying mantis. "Saaaaaeeeeraaaan noooooooooooo"

He brings his arms down around his twin's shoulders and throws half his weight forward, pushing Saeran back against the couch, with a little puff of air exhaled from the cushions around him.

"Nooooooooooo" he adds, nuzzling into his brother's chest, "nononononono".

He's clearly still dopey and out of it, but apparently this is enough to push him into action... momentarily. "You're a good kisser..." he mumbles into Saeran's chest, "the best..."

Then he twists to nestle his head between Saeran's arm and torso, facing Saeran's centre, and goes somewhat dormant again, holding his twin lightly.

"I'll kiss you every day... every night..."

**Saeran**

Literally taken aback, Saeran lies dazed for a moment.

He really brought this on himself... 'this' being Saeyoung.

Saeran's fine with that. The enthusiasm his twin managed to muster was as charming as the rest of him.

And since they were talking about kisses... Saeran bends a little awkwardly, just so he can peck the top of Saeyoung's head without disturbing him too much.

"I'll hold you to that."

**Saeyoung**

"Mmmhmmm..." Saeyoung agrees easily, melting into Saeran like he's turned to dopey jelly. "I like it when you hold me... to anything..."

He tries to reach up to pat Saeran's head, but it doesn't really work from that position, so he gives up and goes back to lightly clinging. "Okay..." he announces, somewhat slurred, but very much awake. " I'm ready..."

**Saeran**

Mind blank yet busy imagining various things, Saeran doesn't realize just what Saeyoung means by 'ready' right away.

(Oh. The musical... probably?)

Whether or not he can concentrate on it with Saeyoung on him like this was debatable...

But Saeyoung's health came first. Saeran concentrates on that fact. They can… do the other things he’s thinking about later.

After some shuffling, eventually Saeran manages to put on the movie without displacing Saeyoung too much. Settling in for a peaceful afternoon.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't catch every word of the show. Mostly, he enjoys the feeling of clinging to Saeran.

Zen looks good. Like always. For some reason the camera always films him at a low angle, which, rarely flatters normal humans. But of course, it's Zen. So he's fine.

Very fine.

Saeyoung has zero romantic interest in anyone other than his twin, but...

"How does he make those dumb pants look good still, haha... they're so bad..."

**Saeran**

Said pants cling to Zen's ass in a very flattering way. That's why.

"He's the type of person that makes anything look good." Saeran agrees, because there's simply no denying it.

**Saeyoung**

They finish the musical in relative silence after that, and Saeyoung yawns, widely. Time for another nap. This time, rather than snoozing on the couch, the two retire to Saeyoung’s bed.

“Sweet dreams…” murmurs Saeyoung, eyes already closing.

**Saeran**

"Sweet dreams...” Saeran echoes. “I'll be with you in them soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, they're going to try out a kink sorter and uh, things get heated. I'll try to get that one online tomorrow - been busy with a lot of other writing tasks this week T_T


	7. The twins use a kink sorter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly steamy fluff, although this chapter does get kinda heavy at one point, as they go into some kinks that... trigger a little angst. 
> 
> You can kind of interpret what Saeran discusses of his sexual experience at Mint Eye as consensual or dub-con, he doesn't go into huge detail. He just mentions hurting people, briefly... so, heads up for that, if that's a problem for you. Even if it was consensual, knowing Unknown, the Believers he fucked were possibly not quite as keen on going as hard as he pushed them while he imagined punishing Saeyoung;;;;

**Saeran**

Saeran murmurs to himself, half asleep. Familiar fingers gently stroke his hair, and their touch slowly eases him into consciousness. He makes a small pleased sound at the sensation, finally opening his eyes to see Saeyoung lying next to him, smiling.

(Ah... He looks better.)

Seems like the fever his twin had the day before has reduced. Maybe it’s even gone?

Saeran feels much better, too.

**Saeyoung**

"Awwwww..." Saeyoung comments, continuing to stroke his twin's hair. "When you make little sounds like that, my heart goes into overdrive… it’s cute. I’m sorry, I know you’re tired of me using that word, but. It just is."

**Saeran**

"I don't mind now and then."

If he had to be cute, he was glad Saeyoung liked it. The issue was being too cute all the time. Who was he, Yoosung?

...it doesn’t stop him from bumping his head into Saeyoung's hand like a cat.

"Morning to you too..."

**Saeyoung**

"Y-yeah..." Saeyoung replies, suddenly realising he has absolutely no idea what time it is, or even what day.

But he can't check his phone right now when...

...his brother is this cute.

Instead he leans over to kiss the top of his ear, then his cheek, then his neck, then - ah, no, that's as far as he can reach.

"You look better," he smiles, enjoying the feel of Saeran's hair in his fingers. "My headache's gone, too."

**Saeran**

"If we're both feeling fine, we should... catch up on things." Saeran suggests, tangling his legs around Saeyoung's. "There was a lot we put aside, right?"

**Saeyoung**

"Something on your mind...?" Saeyoung teases, rubbing his legs against Saeran's with a pleased wriggle, letting the hand on his brother's head trail down lightly to his ear, tracing the shape of it softly with one finger. He leans down to kiss the top of the ear, then moves down to the earlobe with tiny, tiny nibbles, his hand now trailing down to Saeran's neck.

"I'm always ready to listen."

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's voice so close to his ear makes Saeran shudder, and he tilts his neck like he always does when his twin touches it - almost conditioned at this point.

"A few ideas..." He sighs, unable to help it when Saeyoung nips at his ear, "I don't know if I'll remember it all. You should say something if there's anything you thought of too..."

"You got me curious about what you used to dream about. I want to hear more... and learn more about what you wanted to do."

Especially the things he thought about Saeran. The things Saeyoung wanted to do with Saeran, but could never voice aloud. He wants to hear it all.

Actually. Speaking of things to do together.

"You said something about a kink sorter?"

**Saeyoung**

The idea of talking about his dreams with his brother, many of which included his adolescent yearnings _for_ Saeran… it sends a delighted shiver through his body. In some places more than others.

As for the kink sorter...

"Oh my god... I'm so curious to find out which ones you'd have to Noogle... just how many kinks do you know about... and have..."

He ruffles Saeran's hair. "You're a genius. Such good ideas so early in the uh. Time that it is."

**Saeran**

Saeran's mouth has curved into a smile both shy and wicked. Pleased at being praised, and what he's being praised _for_. "I've got more."

Never mind the time. Saeran has no clue either.

"Kissing with the food was nice..."

**Saeyoung**

"O-oh... really... Saeran... guess we found one of your kinks already... hehe..."

But that makes it sound like it was only Saeran, when really - "I enjoyed that a lot, too... oh, and I have so many other toys we could play with other than that vibrator you used before."

He shifts, feeling a little hot already at his next thought and unable to blame a virus this time. "...I liked confessing my dirty thoughts to you, too..."

**Saeran**

Saeyoung is not the only one starting to feel a little warm.

And not just that. There was... another thing, that had occurred to Saeran before.

Saeran ducks his head, shy and unsure at how Saeyoung might receive his next suggestion.

"... and maybe... we could roleplay a little, some of those… memories of yours." It was very possible that would be going too far for his brother. Roleplaying the time just before their split, making it into a reconciliation...

It might be asking too much of Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

"You mean, the memories I told you about in the laundry...? The things I remembered when you... sucked my cock like my cum was oxygen?"

He blinks, even surprising himself with that one. He’s… definitely feeling a lot better than he was yesterday.

He sucks in a breath to calm down a little.

"Sorry, that was a bit much so soon, right, haha... it... it was really good... even though I was sick... I..."

He can see why Saeran would be shy bringing it up. It was... an emotionally charged thing. To put it lightly.

"I... I mean, I can't deny how much remembering my pining for you turned me on... you saw that for yourself."

"We might not be able to change the past, but revisiting that time... and doing what I wish I'd done... it might offer some healing? But also..."

His voice is steady. "I... love sharing that side of me with you. I love exploring my shameful thoughts... I wouldn't have felt like that a week ago, but now, it's... freeing."

**Saeran**

Freedom...

Tastes like ice cream on a warm day. Smells like the perfume of flowers in spring. Sounds like the sea. Looks like the sky.

Feels like his brother's skin under his hands.

Saeran understands, and he smiles up at Saeyoung. Immersing himself in the gold of his eyes and the shape of this jaw, and loving everything he sees. No exceptions.

"If you're up for it..." Whenever that may be.

"Just let me know."

**Saeyoung**

"I will, then," Saeyoung responds with a warm smile. "With you, it feels like every day we step out further into a bigger world."

He places a hand on Saeran's chest. "And so much of it has come just from not holding back... I never would have guessed... but I'm happy." He pauses. "It... it kinda feels like we need to make an actual list, huh... there's so much I want to do together..."

**Saeran**

Heart thudding under Saeyoung's hand, Saeran moves his hand over it and gives it a squeeze. Pressing it more firmly, making Saeyoung feel just what he did to Saeran.

"Maybe we should keep diaries again..." Once upon a time, he enjoyed scribbling and doodling whatever he could.

"But… I'll leave what we do now up to you... Saeyoung."

**Saeran**

'Saeyoung'

It still sends a strange, pleasant feeling straight to his heart to hear his name spoken aloud by his twin.

"First come up here so I can kiss you properly," he replies, playfully.

**Saeran**

"Why not come down here?" Saeran certainly makes a good point, limbs wrapping around Saeyoung in a way that was both adorable and seductive.

**Saeyoung**

"If I come down there I'm not going to be able to stop," Saeyoung responds, "and before you tell me that's fine, I have an idea, so hear me out." He taps the side of his head.

"If we're gonna make a list, then you should definitely do the kink sorter, and -" he leans in, drawing Saeran into him, tasting him, kissing his lips, mouth, tongue, and - he draws back, sooner than he'd like, because already it’s getting too difficult to stop.

"Also I... want that slow suffering from watching you research kinks... wanting to pounce on you right away, but not allowing myself… think of this as just a little more foreplay...”

**Saeran**

It figures that the denial was a kink. Saeran doesn't know its precise name, but he's not sure he needs to.

If he was going to research his kinks though, did that mean...

"Did you want to watch porn together?"

(That could be interesting. Or… weird. We won’t know until we try.)

With that in mind, Saeran pulls away to lie back down.

"Go get a laptop and the phones, we can do it here." Saeyoung’s bedroom was the perfect location. They had all the necessary objects for what Saeran suspected might be a long fucking session.

It gives him a thrill that makes his toes curl.

Imagining Saeyoung worked up, pouncing on him... pounding into him...

He's already getting hard.

Saeyoung hadn't penetrated him yet for whatever reason, whether they came due to other play or he put it off for Saeran's sake...

And now he was looking forward to it.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's responses send Saeyoung's mind racing even more than it already was.

As he retrieves the various devices and their charging cables, he tries to think about something else... because now that his health is close to normal, the desire to pounce is already intense.

Digging up his shameful memories of his younger self... feels like all that longing, sexual frustration and desire curled up and pushed to the back of his mind as a teen has been summoned.

It's difficult to keep himself from turning around, sprinting back to Saeran empty handed, cancelling the plan and just taking him then and there.

But. They have a plan. It's a good plan. And Saeran seemed just as interested as Saeyoung in exploring things like this.

So he tries to calm his pounding heart, and not think too deeply about pounding anything else.

He's not terribly successful at either, especially not when he sees Saeran's smile on returning to the bedroom.

(God, he's gorgeous... and he looked so good with my cum on his face, too...)

(Breathe.) "I'm back~" His attempt at a light tone is a little throatier than he intended, his thoughts weighing heavy in his mouth.

(Stick to the plan. The very good, very sexy plan. You can do this.)

He plugs in the laptop and phone charger cables, then re-joins Saeran on the bed.

**Saeran**

Saeran considers their options. What porn there is can wait - the kink sorter will come first.

(Unless he does.) Saeran's mind suggests wickedly, forming a plan. It was difficult staying completely chaste when his brother sounded like he did and was right next to him in bed.

Saeran waits until Saeyoung is settled, then cuddles up between his brother’s legs resting his back against Saeyoung's chest. If it was any other situation, the move might be considered innocent and sweet.

It’s anything but.

Saeran takes the laptop and opening it up to Noogle.

The first results aren't too surprising. "Of course it's Rumblr that hosts that sort of thing..."

**Saeyoung**

Well, not like he was planning on hiding his arousal anyway, but now Saeran is going to have a very clear idea of just how turned on Saeyoung already is.

Also, in this position, neither of them are going to be able to do much about it.

(Probably for the best... and besides, having him between my legs like this is...)

Seems like he's already being tested.

He allows himself the luxury of gently kissing into the nape of Saeran's neck as his twin scrolls through the Rumblr links, ending with a small, gentle bite.

(Going to be difficult to keep my hands off him... but then, who says I have to?)

So he wraps his arms around Saeran's waist, fingers just slightly pressing into him with a possessive longing.

"Oh, that one," he comments abruptly, as Saeran's cursor hovers over a sorter name. "It's pretty thorough, and mostly actionable stuff."

Saeran clicks through, and the first prompt is certainly interesting.

'Public Sex/Risk of being seen' vs 'Voyeurism'

The options are to pick one, tie both, or express disinterest in either.

**Saeran**

His position is absolutely strategic. The stiff heat being pressed into the small of his back leaves Saeran feeling smug. The success of this mission depended on pushing Saeyoung almost past his endurance, and this is a strong start.

Saeran only hopes he'll be able to last too. There’s a real danger he'll ditch the plan and just push Saeyoung down himself.

(... don't think about that. Focus.) Clicking onto the recommended sorter, Saeran considers it for a long moment. The lay out and its programming was obviously simple, but if he wanted the best results then he should choose one over the other.

That made things more tricky... especially since he did like both. (Each of these kinks have been factored into our sex already.)

But if Saeran was being realistic...

He clicks voyeurism.

The risk of being caught in public was thrilling, but not an everyday thing. Voyeurism, though... he loved being able to keep track and watch others. It was even better when they least expected it.

And it paired perfectly with Saeyoung's constant need for attention too.

"Makes you think." He comments to Saeyoung, because it does. For the first time, Saeran's truly examining his preferences.

**Saeyoung**

"I wonder how many of these we'll have in common," Saeyoung responds, "because I'm with you on that one."

He looks at the next prompt.

Oh. Well.

Those two kinda work together, really.

'Begging' vs 'Bondage'

**Saeran**

Ah.

In this case both these choices were something Saeran was typically adverse to himself.

Typically.

Without hesitation, Saeran clicks 'begging'.

"... The idea of being restrained bothers me." It's a quiet admission, memories causing Saeran's voice to turn fragile. Any thoughts of sex gone temporarily.

The two kinks might usually go together, but in Saeran's mind there was also a very clear divide. His ‘training’ at Mint Eye had seen to that.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung loosens his grip on his twin and raises one hand to stroke his cheek. Sending as much love as he can through his touch.

There's still so much he has to learn about Saeran.

"That's good to know..." He kisses the back of Saeran's head. "This stuff can be a bit confronting... some things you'll probably actively dislike... but that's good, too. It's important to know those, too.

He leans forward to kiss the cheek he'd just been stroking, the hand dropping to cover Saeran's, lightly. "Above everything else, I always want you to feel safe when we're exploring things like this together... and loved. I love you so much... and I'll do everything in my power to only make you happy and sweaty when we're together."

**Saeran**

The comforting feels just as much for Saeyoung as it is for him. All the more reason to melt into his brother's hold, heart feeling full.

"Yeah... You always do."

Saeyoung was basically a saint like that. Saeran didn't deserve all his love and patience. Speaking of saints...

'Religion/blasphemy' vs. 'Roleplay'

That was going to be a lot to unpack.

"... I want to talk about this too."

"Religion is... you might think that I'd want to avoid it, but I like the idea of spirituality and God. And... blasphemy feels good too, when I do something that… I know I would have been punished for. It feels like I reclaim that..."

(And…)

"Most of all, it feels almost religious when I'm with you."

However, at the end of the day... "But I'm not sure if it's a kink, or just something that affects me, good or bad."

Roleplay it is. That Saeran knows for sure is a kink.

"I have a few hangs up with this too. I... I've actually done a lot of it. I..."

(Say it. He deserves to know.)

"I used to imagine you... when I was having sex… but not in good ways. I wanted…" His hands fall to his lap, digging into his thighs. “I wanted to hurt you… through them.”

Using sex as a tool to control was all he’d known in the cult. This… it was all connected. Another piece of himself reclaimed from a false prophet that abused it.

"That's why I want to... Explore that more with you. Roleplay, I mean. In a way that'd cleanse those times."

**Saeyoung**

He can extrapolate what kind of not-good roleplay Saeran might have done thinking about Saeyoung, when he...

...when Saeran hated him.

He inhales the scent of Saeran's hair, reminding himself that this is where they are now. Reaches past Saeran’s waist to gently stroke his clenched hands.

(Why do we mirror each other in so many ways?) Saeran’s experience reflecting Saeyoung's.

"Before you... before we slept together… it was all roleplay, for me. But it wasn’t the other person I changed out. Just… just me." He traces circles on the backs of Saeran’s hands. "I never wanted it to be me. I said before, I think, that I was always apologising to you inside, when I..."

His fingers tense, and stop tracing patterns. "I never wanted to lose the me that was yours. That would always, only be yours... so... It was never me. 707 has 707 names... none of them mine. I wanted the comfort, the feeling... but it would never be mine. It always had to be someone else there in bed with the other person. But I could watch."

(That time I ran away… when I was at my lowest point, my loneliest point, Vanderwood…)

(…I don’t want to think about him right now.)

He returns his hands to his brother’s waist, squeezing him. Reminding himself that this is real. "Don't get me wrong, though... I'd like to try roleplaying with you. It'd be different with you... fun... because it's you... in the end, with you... I know I'm me, inside... haha..." 

He smiles. "And you had some ideas... I definitely want to play with."

**Saeran**

Tilting his head back, Saeran kisses Saeyoung's chin a bit sloppily. Simply filled with the need to do so after that confession.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you either." It may have been warped and awful thoughts, but it doesn't change the facts.

"In my way, it had to be you..." Nothing else had satisfied Saeran quite the same way as thinking of his brother, of needing him then and now. Even if what he’d done to his ‘brother’ had been…

It hadn’t been pretty.

"Hate and love really is separated by such a thin line," he muses, turning back to the laptop. Heart lighter than it was before.

Though. Saeyoung's confession stirs up further memories.

"I was so angry with you when I found out about that 707 persona. It felt like a final betrayal... when I roleplayed before, I think I was punishing that side of you." Yet what really drove that act had been a very different feeling than rage.

"If I was honest with myself... what I really wanted was to pretend that by hurting you, I could… kill that part… kill 707… and you would go back to being yourself and recognize me..."

Hearing himself say it is... it's intense.

Saeran covers Saeyoung's hands. Linking their fingers together, trying to communicate as much love as he can through that gesture alone.

"Can you... forgive that? Is it really okay? You don't have to roleplay with me, now you know all of that."

The old-new fear that Saeyoung would be disgusted by him, of what he's done, has emerged again. "You were so much more loyal than me... you didn't doubt even once. You stayed as devoted as you could. You never wanted to…"

(He never wanted to hurt me like I wanted to hurt him. He stayed loyal… even when I didn’t realize it.)

Somehow, it's a quality that Saeran cherishes yet resents. Making him more aware of all his own faults. He failed to do the same for his twin, no matter how much he dresses it up otherwise.

**Saeyoung**

The tone of Saeran's voice is too much for Saeyoung to take lying down. Sitting up. That.

"Saeran, Saeran..." he croons, pulling his legs back so he can shuffle around to the side of his twin as he talks.

"I always had access to information you didn't," he says, pushing the laptop back a little so he can embrace Saeran more easily. "And the only brainwashing I ever faced was being trained to resist it."

He cups his brother's face in his hands and looks into those... green eyes... the color another reminder of how his twin had suffered differently to him.

He closes the distance between them, kissing Saeran softly but with no small amount of passion behind it. Stroking his face with his hands.

"I'm... that you thought of me so much, even after everything... You kept me in your heart all that time, too, no matter what was done to you... you never let go of me, even if you were forced to believe so many horrible things... we were always connected, even if you were forced to hate it. You never stopped caring... I'm grateful."

He gently rests his forehead against Saeran's. "I can't imagine anything more loyal than that. Or a lover that could make me feel more comfortable in exploring possibilities with them. It's you. Only you... and I'm looking forward to that exploration."

**Saeran**

Once again there's the temptation to forget their plan and just make love. No frills attached. The only thing stopping Saeran from acting on that urge was sharing Saeyoung's anticipation.

Closing his eyes, he breathes in Saeyoung's presence and lets it calm him. No small feat when it ignites every other part of him.

(How did I ever ignore his words before...)

Now Saeran's existence hung on each and every one of them. His brother’s take on events make Saeran out to be an ardent lover that suffered through trials to reunite with his true love. Not a faithless cry-baby. More magic spells, that only Saeyoung can cast.

(If I could tune his words out before... it's only because I had been trapped behind a wall someone else built around me.)

Except that very barrier had been riddled with holes, neglecting to account for the love Saeran had always felt.

And everyone knew true love broke curses.

He opens his eyes. Looking at Saeyoung, right through to his soul.

"Then... I hope you know that no matter what we do, or what we go through... I'll always see you. Not the person you pretend to be, or what others influence me to see. Just... you. Saeyoung." There's already proof of that too. Saeran knows he can do it.

"Like at the party... when you played being that girl. It felt good because I knew it was you under all that. And... when I played your girlfriend at the beach... it meant a lot being able to take that role. Us still being us, even as we played like that."

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah… it was fun," Saeyoung agrees, brushing a strand of hair from Saeran's face. "And that’s because it was you with me... no matter what, it was still you." He kisses Saeran's lips again, struggling not to turn it into something more.

He might as well own up to how much his twin is making him struggle. Saeran would probably enjoy hearing it.

"I just want to wrap you in my arms, push you back into these pillows and make you pant with pleasure... I hope you know... But it's not time yet... and we're learning so much, so... come sit with me again... my love..."

He and Saeran shift around, until Saeran is again sitting between his legs... it feels good.

"So... what's next?" Saeyoung asks, peering down at the laptop screen.

Saeran drags it closer so that they both can read.

'Phone sex' vs 'Pet play'.

(Oh, interesting) Two things neither of them have really explored together at all so far.

Unless having sex while _on_ the phone counted... (Sorry MC)

**Saeran**

What Saeyoung said about pushing him down... It's still echoing in his ears.

This choice is a relatively easy one. Pet play might be interesting, but Saeran is very aware that phone sex would really drive him wild.

"... I could listen to you saying those things to me until you're blue in the face. I love your voice, and the way you say things."

**Saeyoung**

"H-hmmm..." He could say more. A LOT more. Just thinking about it...

"Maybe I should distract myself a little... you're too tempting... and some of the words you might be looking at, also..."

He fumbles for his phone.

Yeah. He needs to vent some of this steam if they're gonna make it through this. Opening the messenger, the perfect person is waiting there.

Jaehee. (If anyone is going to keep it clean, it's going to be Jaehee.)

Though if Zen comes up in conversation, it might be a different matter.

> Jaehee: Luciel, welcome. How are the two of you doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Not much, Jaehee, Saeran and I are just discussing all the ways we want to fuck each other, lololol >_<"
> 
> ...or not, haha.
> 
> Wow, this was longer than I thought. Looks like we won't get to post the screenshots of their results until the next chapter;; Sorry about that! I forgot how deep they got into their own angst, which, I didn't want to cut out. I've occasionally cut a few lines here and there from the RP where it was a little filler-y, but for the most part this is just legit tidied up versions of our in-character conversations. And as you can tell we're both really into getting deep into their heads, heh. Anyway! I hope that was enjoyable to read too! And we can see what Saeran and Saeyoung get for their final kink sorter results in the next chapter;;
> 
> Also, what's that you ask? Did we just imply Vanderwood and 707 fucked at some point? Absolutely. Yes. And, is it going to come back later to bite the twins in the ass? Absolutely. Yes. Saeran is NOT going to be happy meeting Saeyoung's ex-lover...


	8. The results are in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twin's kink sorter results are in...
> 
> ...and then there's a lot of fucking. 
> 
> This should be obvious but uh **SMUT CHAPTER HEADS UP**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the order of their kinks isn't 100% our HCs, the sorter is part dark magic, but I'd happily say that all the kink results we agree with in terms of what's in there and the rough order? But the _exact_ numbers are a little [I make ehhhhh noises and wave my hands noncommittally] 
> 
> Aaaaanywaaaay! Sorry this chapter took a while! I've been busy being dead.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung keeps one hand on his brother’s waist, holding his phone with the other.

> 707: Hi Jaehee!
> 
> 707: Saeran is feeling much better
> 
> 707: thank u for asking~ ^^
> 
> 707:  I'm nearly all recovered, too!
> 
> Jaehee: That's a relief. I hope MC will recover just as rapidly.

They talk a while longer, as Saeran silently clicks through kink sorter options. Well, mostly silently. There's certainly a couple snorts, a few thoughtful noises, and at least one faintly disgusted sound, although Saeyoung doesn't catch what it was about.

> [Zen has entered the chatroom]
> 
> 707: Oh, Zen!
> 
> 707: Saeran and I watched a recording of 'Hearts and Houses' while we were sick yesterday!
> 
> Zen: lmao
> 
> Zen: really? Wow, that takes me back.
> 
> Zen: My outfits in that musical were so goofy. It worked for the character, but...
> 
> Jaehee: You looked fantastic in it, though.
> 
> 707: Yeah, u even made those weird pants look good lol
> 
> Jaehee: Yes... the pants...
> 
> Zen: ;;;;
> 
> Zen: I have to say, they were comfortable, even if they looked strange.
> 
> Zen: I'm happy you two watched something of mine, though! What, are you going to become my fans?
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: Zen, we're already your fans lol
> 
> 707: I'm a 360 degree rotating one lol
> 
> 707: Saeran is a traditional folding fan... portable and eco-friendly!!
> 
> Zen: ok, you really don’t sound sick any more lmao

They chat a little more, as Saeran continues to sort.

**Saeran**

At long last, Saeran finishes the sorter. It was a lot longer and a lot weirder than he anticipated. Also, some of the things were repetitive.

(So much focus on cum...)

Not that Saeran doesn't enjoy a little cum play, but... there were _so many kinds_. Also, his results seemed a little weird… some kinks up a few places for no discernible reason, possibly due to not appearing much in the sorting.

(Poor programming.)

Either way, Saeran's done. And he's even kept open the tabs for things he had to noogle. Just to sate Saeyoung's curiosity. (Ahegao... hotdogging... standcest... sounding...)

Half weren't so bad. The others, Saeran was either confused by or didn't want anything to do with.

Shifting, Saeran adjusts the screen for Saeyoung to see his results.

"That was weirdly thorough... you've taken this?"

[[Click here for larger version]](https://s8.postimg.cc/eip2rz6np/saeran_kink.png)

**Saeyoung**

"I've taken several," Saeyoung responds, quickly bidding Jaehee and Zen farewell.

He smirks, looking down at the laptop screen. "Oh, you had to noogle something you're a natural at, heh." He leans forward to nibble at his twin's ear again, playfully. "Saeran... that's a pretty good list you have there... it might not have everything you're interested in, but it's a good start."

He squeezes his twin’s waist, pressing up against him in multiple ways... "Wanna show me some ‘research material’, or…?

**Saeran**

Any more attention given to the kinks and Saeran might explode, in more ways than one. Exposing himself like this, even to Saeyoung... it makes his stomach twist.

So, he closes the tabs. "...Actually, I'm interested in knowing what you like, next." 

If he was going to expose himself like this, it’d feel better if Saeyoung reciprocated, too.

"You said that I was a natural at something?"

**Saeyoung**

"Well, you did show me yours, so I should show you mine...” he grins, navigating to a file directory on his internal servers through his phone. “I'll have some old kink sorter results saved somewhere around here..."

While Saeyoung flips through the files on his server, he smirks at the back of Saeran's head. He’d thrown the comment about Saeran being ‘a natural’ out there hoping his twin would bite, and he was not disappointed.

"Oh, the noogle searches? Well, it was just funny you had to look up ahegao, I mean... you pull some... really nice faces... very... sexy... faces..."

(Ah. There’s one.) He casts his eye over his older kink sorter results, confident they’re still pretty accurate. Then he kisses down the back of Saeran's neck. Is it just him, or is it a little pinker than it was a second ago?

"Ah, but it's only fair. Here's one I did." He hands Saeran his phone with the screenshot open on it.

"Of course, these things are more a finger in the wind than anything else. The programming is a bit off, and there's always stuff missing or worded weirdly. But. We have some things in common for sure...heh."

**Saeran**

It's gratifying to see their similarities, albeit ranked differently. More gratifying is how Saeyoung kisses up the back of his neck.

All of it makes Saeran blush. A little overcome with how in-depth they're getting and the underlying implications. What makes it worse is the praise about the ahegao, leaving Saeran embarrassed and giddy.

(Do I really...?)

Unconsciously, Saeran covers his face. "Sharing this with you is almost unbearable," he admits, voice rough, "Withstanding the temptation is tough... and confronting other things is tougher... and either way, I'm... exposing parts of myself I never thought I would. I never thought that deeply about any of this before now..."

(...I just... I wanted... to be with him.)

Finally pulling the hands back away from his face, Saeran breathes.

This was alright.

Finding all these things out about each other... was exactly what he liked. Hunting down and discovering all these private things about the person he loved the most... was exciting.

It just so happened that said person was playing that game too. Seeking out facts about him. And that… that was okay. Someone knowing him that intimately... that had its own thrill too.

Glancing at the phone, with all the kinks listed there, Saeran considers what to do with the information.

"Ah... why don't we try blindfolds?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung moves so that his chin is resting on Saeran's shoulder, looking at the two screens in front of them. "Mmm. Sounds fun."

Of course, he has to tease a little. "Is that why you were hiding your face before? Practicing?" But he gives Saeran a squeeze to soften it.

He turns his head to nuzzle into Saeran's neck, releasing the grip on his twin's waist so that he can run his hands along the outside of Saeran's thighs.

"I-" [kiss] "can think of some things" [nibble] "you might enjoy feeling" [rub].

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's teasing just makes Saeran impatient. (No more games… I can’t take much more… I want it already… if you don’t hurry up, I’ll just take _you_ instead…)

But Saeyoung’s touches are enough to keep him from turning around and making good on his thoughts.

"Ah... I'm listening."

And squirming, pushing the laptop and phone aside somewhat pointedly.

**Saeyoung**

"Yes. That's certainly one of the senses you'll need if you can't see what I'm doing."

He doesn't need any further encouragement as Saeran moves the various bits of tech out of their way.

But rather than extricate himself from his twin, he calls out: "Initiate prone tackle manoeuvre!!"

And wraps his arms around Saeran's waist once more, leaning backwards so that he falls back onto the bed, Saeran coming with him, still lying against his chest.

"Oh no..." Saeyoung says, with mock concern, "...but now _I_ can't see where _I’m_ touching..." He slides his hands up Saeran's shirt, tickling his sides. "What could this be, for example..."

Then, steadying his twin with one arm, he teases along the seam of the top of his pyjama pants, letting just one finger push a little underneath, drawing a playful line across the skin he comes into contact with there.

"And what could I find here, I wonder...?"

**Saeran**

Saeran involuntarily gasps in shock and delight, quickly replaced by pure resistance that only the ticklish can have.  All that strops him from squirming away is Saeyoung's firm grip on him, followed by that one finger...

The position they're in is a little uncomfortable, but after spending so long denying themselves, even a little bit of play makes it easy to ignore any discomfort.

"W...why don't you find out?" Saeran dares, lifting his hips.

**Saeyoung**

"Brave..." Saeyoung comments, kissing Saeran's shoulder.

He brings his legs up a little, to stop Saeran rolling off, then reaches down with both hands... sliding them underneath Saeran's waistband. It doesn't take long for his hands to find Saeran's growing erection, and he teases it, touching it lightly. Pleasurable, but not nearly enough to truly please…

"Well, this is interesting... fascinating... definitely worthy of further study."

He should probably offer Saeran some relief soon...

But Saeran will have to ask for it.

He likes it when Saeran asks. Just a reaffirmation that he wants this too.

"Want me to start my research project~?"

**Saeran**

After so long keeping himself in check, Saeran is sensitive to even the littlest touch on his penis. Already it's growing hard and throbbing in Saeyoung's hands, and his twin was barely trying.

Then he asks Saeran to start some research?

(Is this roleplay?) Or is it just Saeyoung’s normal silliness?

(…it doesn’t matter.) He's already high from the sudden rush of oxytocin to his brain, making him crazy enough to go along with it in the moment.

"Haha... permission granted."

The only issue is he can't exactly reciprocate. Saeyoung's body is trapped under him, and while that had been ideal before, now...

(Wait...)

(I can use this.)

Saeyoung was teasing him. Well, Saeran can play that game, too.

Pushing one of his hands up his shirt, Saeran starts caressing his own stomach slowly, gradually inching up to play with a nipple. Knowing how much it should turn Saeyoung on.

For so long, Saeyoung only allowed himself to look, and not touch, his brother. Well, now Saeran will give him the opposite problem.

**Saeyoung**

Trust his twin to turn the tables on him when Saeyoung thought he had control of the situation. He isn’t certain exactly what his twin is doing, only that he’s writhing under his own touches… (I want you to writhe under mine…)

"...doing things like that..."

He brings his feet even further up so that they're about level with Saeran's knees.

“…makes me want to…”

His twin's hips now held firmly between Saeyoung's thighs.

But he loses the rest of his sentence as Saeran uses the extra security of Saeyoung's legs around his hips to twist and grind directly into his erection.

He grinds back against Saeran, giving as good as he got... as well as kissing and biting along every part of his twin he can reach with his mouth.

Finally, he finds his words again.

"I want you..." he pants between kisses. "I want you, Saeran..."

**Saeran**

Being a thin and wiry guy, Saeran doesn't exactly have the most sumptuous ass. But there's enough of it to make Saeyoung's cock sink between the ass cheeks, even when clothed, and the pressure and heat makes Saeran moan in anticipation. Letting it build more and more.

Then Saeyoung says the magic words.

"Take me," Saeran begs, in no position to flip them over and do it himself. Saeyoung had all that power in this situation. Saeran's far past reaching his limit now. He wanted Saeyoung hours ago.

"Do you know... how long, I wanted you to just... push me back and _fuck_ me."

The animalistic way he growls out the profanity is evidence of Saeran's desperation.

**Saeyoung**

Rather than answer with words, Saeyoung releases his twin, and overturns them both. None of his movements are graceful, though he does pause to lift Saeran's shoulders gently, so that his head can rest against a pillow.

And now, re-arranged, he has his brother on his back against the mattress, Saeyoung's hands and knees either side of his body, his face level with his twin's.

"Years..." he groans into Saeran's already parted lips, "I've wanted to fuck you for _years_..."

There's still the matter of clothing, but Saeyoung first brings his mouth to his twin's neck, shifting a knee between his legs, pressing against his ass and balls as he leaves one mark, then another closer to Saeran's collarbone.

"I've wanted you in so many ways, all this time..." he whispers roughly, in between lighter kisses up to his twin's ear. His hands move to the hem of Saeran's shirt, lifting it as Saeran raises his arms and waist in response, but after pulling it over his twin’s head and dropping it to one side, Saeyoung takes Saeran's hands in his own. He presses them into the pillow either side of Saeran’s head, as he captures his lover’s lips in a fierce kiss.

When it ends, Saeyoung sinks onto his haunches, to strip off his own shirt.

The outline of his body in the dim lighting the bedroom is beautiful. Like a renaissance sculpture capturing a single moment of thought and passion, lovingly crafted with every detail the stone could hold.

But unlike stone, he's warm, glistening with sweat, and tensing with barely restrained desire.

He drops his hands to Saeran's waist, sliding to the band of his pants.

**Saeran**

Given how forceful Saeyoung has become, clearly Saeran has flipped some sort of switch. It's almost scary, but the intensity of it makes him feel desired and sexy in a way he's getting more and more addicted to.

(I need those eyes to always look at me... every part of me...) Was sex this overwhelming and all-consuming for other people? Did it feel like the world both began and ended with them, each mark made on the other a flag?

'This is mine. I've claimed this.'

(...)

It's pointless to muse about, with his brother right here in front of his eyes. What other people did hardly mattered. Not when Saeran can reach up to touch that beautiful golden skin, feel that agonizing press of a knee against his balls - a pain that was sweet, keeping him from coming too soon and letting him enjoy his twin a little longer. "My Saeyoung..." He breathes, thankful to be lucky enough to have such a stunning creature as his other half. Mystified that he _could_ , in all his ugliness and cruelty, be allowed this.

Then again, right now Saeyoung was as much a beast as he was a beauty.

...that's what Zen might say, anyway.

(Right now, Saeyoung would give Zen a run for his money.)

Both in looks and libido.

The thought makes Saeran laugh.

"I was just thinking you're no match for Zen," he confides.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung pauses at his tugging on Saeran's pants, tilting his head slightly, a half-smirk on his lips. "Zen? That noisy wolf? How could I compare to him, when I'm such a gentle, pure, soul...?"

He nudges Saeran again with his knee, though not roughly. Just enough to expose the inaccuracy of his own words.

Then he shifts, placing each knee to Saeran's sides again, and leaning down close to his brother's face.

"Would you like Zen to ravish you instead of me? I'm sure if he saw you like this he'd find you just as difficult to resist as I do... how could anyone not want to take you when you look... and smell..." he presses his nose into the corner of Saeran's neck, inhaling deeply "and taste -" he nips at Saeran, prompting a small intake of breath - "and _sound_ so sexy...?"

He knows he twin wants him.

But he also can't resist the urge to provoke him more, when he's in a mood like this.

And he brought up the actor, after all.

**Saeran**

"Who?"

The question, in all its dry bluntness, works on multiple levels.

Who was gentle and pure?

Who was Zen and why did he matter?

Who exactly was so sexy?

Curling his arms around Saeyoung shoulders, Saeran runs a hand along Saeyoung's shoulder blade as another digs its way up into Saeyoung's hair.

"Only you matter," he says, pressing his mouth into his brother's curls. He means every word of it.

Only Saeyoung, the true beautiful and devoted person that he was, could occupy all of Saeran's attention so thoroughly. Only he _deserved_ to.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's hand in his hair and on his shoulders...

...makes him just want to push _harder_. Make Saeran grip him _more_.

"You'll need to hold on tighter than that once I'm inside you," he warns gruffly, enjoying the soft feel of his brother's fingers against his skin. "When I fuck you, hold onto me and don't let go, okay?"

(Never... never let go of me... I'll never take my arms from around you, either...)

"But first, let me see all of you..."

Saeran reluctantly releases him, his hand lingering in Saeyoung's hair till finally his fingers are no longer in contact with his twin.

Saeyoung sits up, returning one hand to his brother's waist, stroking himself through his clothes with the other.

"Show me... my love... Saeran... my other half..."

He pulls at the pants, Saeran helping as best he can, till finally he's free. Saeyoung looks down at him, still touching himself, golden eyes glinting at the sight of his twin naked, underneath him.

"You're everything to me..." he moans, as a shiver goes through his body from his own touch and the sight of his twin. "Wait there a minute, and I'll show you." He slips off Saeran, erection straining against his pants, and goes to grab lube and... something else Saeran can't see from where he sits on the bed.

And a box of tissues, which he drops next to himself along with whatever else he just grabbed.

He straddles Saeran again, freeing his own erection from his pants at last, but not taking them completely off.

Then he drips lube onto his hands, and slowly slides his hand down Saeran's cock from head to base. Far too slowly.

**Saeran**

Left spread on the bed, Saeran is literally a vision that's almost ethereal by design, with how his pale skin practically glows in the dark, and with eyes have turned vibrant green with yearning.

On occasion Saeyoung called him an angel, and right now he would be right. Of course, Saeran isn't aware of any of that. It would never occur to him to think of himself that way... All he knows is the gleam in his brother's golden eyes makes him feel both self-conscious and aroused.

Whatever Saeyoung's gotten his hands on is a cause for curiosity too. But the sight of his twin's penis so erect and swollen is distracting. For a moment the sight makes Saeran salivate with a need to lick it...

A moment quickly gone when Saeyoung strokes his own cock ever so tantalizingly and much too slow.

Saeran moans, lifting his hips.

**Saeyoung**

"You..." he croons, "are so difficult to look away from..." He’s practically purring. "An angel from heaven fell straight into my bed...” He teases the tip of Saeran’s engorged and more-than-ready cock. “Letting my mortal hands touch something this beautiful... is surely a sin..." He drops his other hand to Saeran's ass, beginning to finger him gently.

As far as he knows, Saeran's never taken anything larger than the small vibrator he wore on their group date... so as much as he wants to just... take him now...

...he'll make sure his twin is relaxed and ready before he delivers what he's promised.

Saeran pushes back against him, more eager than Saeyoung would have expected, so he obliges, pushing in that little bit deeper, matched with another slow, agonising stroke of his brother's cock.

As he pushes deeper still, he presses Saeran's dick against his stomach and leans forward to lick at a nipple.

"The body of an angel really is something else..." he adds, in between licks and teases. "I love every part... your skin is so soft... the line of your jaw so perfect... your eyes so bright..."

Saeran groans and pushes back, taking the rest of the length of his finger in response.

So Saeyoung begins to tease him with a second, while curling the first up in a "come here" gesture, looking for the spot always sends him panting, and surely his twin will feel the same...

...certainly, that face he's pulling...

With his hands occupied like this, Saeyoung can't cover his twin's lips with another kiss, so instead he moves to the other nipple, circling and teasing it with his tongue, then ending with a gentle, but firm nip.

Saeran arches, and the second finger is accepted smoothly.

"Not long now, beautiful angel..." Saeyoung promises throatily. "Soon there won't be a single part of you left that I haven't touched... that I haven't taken as mine..."

He leans back enough to briefly, frustratingly, lick a tiny drop of pre-cum from Saeran's yearning, stiff penis before returning his mouth to his brother’s chest.

It must be agony.

**Saeran**

Saeran balls fists into the bedding, tortured enough to tug and twist at the sheets roughly when it all gets too much to bear. He can't even make a retort, so overcome by his brother's expert touch.

Which is a pity, because a remark on the religion and blasphemy kink is on the very tip of his tongue... But all that comes out is a moan instead.

Saeran needed more. His dick quivering with how much he did, precum starting to drip down and pool on his stomach.

But strongest of all is that aching inside… Saeyoung’s fingers are one thing, but he wants his brother's cock now - before anything else made him cum.

Breathing in deeply, he manages one word:

"P-please..."

**Saeyoung**

"...I can't deny any request from you when I hear you ask in such a sweet voice... plus, like I said..."

He leans down once more, one more teasing with his tongue, because he loves it so, so much "...I've been wanting to fuck you like this a long, long time... my angel..."

He straightens up and withdraws his fingers, bringing the thing he took from the drawer close to his thigh so he can get it as soon as it's needed.

But first:

"I'm going to go slow initially, okay...? A little at a time, until you get used to it. Then we can go wild."

He lines himself up with Saeran, shuddering at how sensitive his own cock has become already. Then pushes forward, testing Saeran’s readiness.

Saeran accepts him with only a little pressure... though Saeyoung only lets himself press in just past the tip of his head.

"More...?" he asks, softly. "Just tell me if you need to pause to get used to it."

**Saeran**

The change from rough to gentle requires a little adjusting - as much adjusting as taking in Saeyoung's length for the first time. Saeran breathes in, flexes his fingers and focuses on slowing down his heart rate.

Thump-thump... thump... thump......

It's only so effective. Saeran is still incredibly worked up, and no change in tone was going to make that any less true. All it did was fill his heart with gratitude and affection.

Similarly, the stretch of his ass around Saeyoung's cock is a little uncomfortable. Not painful, due to how Saeyoung had prepared... but it's a good thing that he's taking it easy.

Thankfully, it allows for Saeran to clear his head and check his passion. Giving him opportunity to fully reciprocate rather than get lost in the heat of the moment. (He wanted me to hold him...)

Lifting his arms, Saeran clutches his hands to Saeyoung's shoulders. Gives him a smile.

"More... I want to make up for all the time we've lost."

Saeran hasn't missed how fulfilling this is for Saeyoung. He'd mentioned how long he coveted Saeran enough times... and as much as it might have been for his benefit, Saeran suspects there's more to it for his brother. That this is over and above mere fucking.

His heart senses the awe Saeyoung feels that this is actually happening. Though sex was never just fucking for either of them. Something else was always in play.

Saeran wants to make all of Saeyoung's young dreams come true. Carefully, he pushes further down onto Saeyoung's cock. Not letting his twin be the only one to set the pace.

"I want you..."

He doesn't want to mess around more than necessary.

"I need you now."

**Saeyoung**

"Hhhhaa..."

His brother's arms on his shoulders... smiling up at him the way only Saeran can... pushing himself further down Saeyoung's cock...

He's hit by so many feelings at once.

(It never felt like the right time, before, to try this with him...)

(Was I waiting until he could say my name... the way he's been saying it... this last hour...?)

But hearing his name spoken by the one person who knew him best... knew the core of who he was... and could say the name with love...

He bends his elbows, allowing himself to come closer, let Saeran grasp more of him.

"You have me..."

He pushes further... (The lube is lasting pretty well...) If it starts to feel even a little rough, he'll touch it up and -

\- Saeran pushes that last little bit and Saeyoung is completely buried in his twin, balls pressed up against Saeran's ass.

Saeran is right. There _is_ something a little sacred-feeling about what they're doing. Something holy. A kind of worship all of their own.

"ᶠᵘᶜᵏ" he whispers, feeling like he's channelling a lot more than just his lust.

And he lets himself close the space between the two of them, so that his arms are wrapped around Saeran, and Saeran around him, and just stays that way a minute, Saeran, too, apparently content for the moment to just feel.

"Saeran..." he moans, then, pulling himself out just a little.

**Saeran**

"...Saeyoung." Comes the reply, the only two words they need in their scripture. The call, and the response.

Forever and ever. Amen.

**Saeyoung**

He pushes back all the way, and his twin gasps and clings to him, but it isn't pain... he's still adjusting, but the pleasure is clearly there in his voice as well...

... so Saeyoung repeats the movement, pulling out a little further. And again, and again, until he's nearly all the way out... now increasing in speed... listening to his brother's breaths and moans, letting them guide him...

"Okay..."

Time to bring out that favourite toy of his. And a re-lube.

"I have something else for you, too." He sits up, still completely inside his twin, and enjoys looking down at him for a second, sweaty and so beautiful.

Then he grabs the toy, lubing it up, then dripping some along his dick, pulling out most of the way to do so.

He doesn't want to need to stop again after this.

He looks Saeran in the eye as he slides himself fully in again, gratified at the way his twin's lips part as he feels Saeyoung penetrate him.

Then, Saeyoung presses something transparent and soft over the top of Saeran's throbbing dick.

"Don't come yet," Saeyoung instructs, as Saeran groans, mouth open wide at the touch. A reflection of their sex after the group date, even though a few important details have switched around.

Saeyoung pushes the transparent cocksleeve, open at both ends, all the way down Saeran's dick, until the tip of his head just barely presses out from the other side.

A much more stimulating way for his twin to jerk off as Saeyoung fucks him.

He takes Saeran's hands one at a time and places them on his hips.

"Hold on, and don't let go."

Then he _really_ starts to fuck Saeran, repeating his earlier motions but stepping up the speed and the depth, faster, much faster, revelling at the grip Saeran has on his cock. He covers one of Saeran's hands with his own, the other keeping hold of the cock sleeve, letting the moment of his own body pull it up and down rather than controlling it directly.

Every thrust into his twin sends fangs of pleasure sinking into him, pushing him closer and closer to the edge.

He's fantasised about this so many times... he'd craved becoming one with his brother like this so many times...

Not for the first time, he thinks... (mine).

And the thought sends so much pleasure through him he can't help but speak it, as he pounds into his twin writhing underneath him with pleasure.

"Mine... you’re mine… I love you and I want you and you’re mine... Saeran…!"

**Saeran**

(It's a lot to take in.)

The laugh Saeran makes at his own private joke is lost as a gasp, the force of every thrust Saeyoung presses into him too overpowering.

Being taken by Saeyoung is everything he had imagined, and more. They fit together so perfectly that it has to be by design, and each time Saeyoung speaks feels so sensual that it makes Saeran dizzy. Moreso, when he says Saeran's name with such hunger...

Saeran doesn't want to belong to anyone else. "I... I'll give you every... thing... Saeyoung..."

Speaking leaves Saeran panting more than he was already, and he screws his eyes closed just to focus on regaining his breath - leaving him with an expression that's rather helpless.

And he is. Saeyoung leaves him so defenseless. The force of Saeyoung's love and desire has torn down all walls, and now Saeran's weakness has been exposed: him. It was always him. His other half. The one he'd do anything for. Saeyoung...

And now he's begging for more. Dependent on the very thing he'd shielded against. It leaves Saeran desperate for Saeyoung to attack him beyond emotions - to pierce him down to his very core.

"Saeyounnng..." He moans again, as his twin rams impossibly deeper into his ass, as if he somehow read Saeran's mind. Coupled with the sleeve has around his cock too, along with Saeyoung's hand, it's almost too much to bear. Its restrictiveness keeps him from coming immediately, but he's close, so -

"Oh!"

He squirts a little - not enough to call it an orgasm, but more than just precum. It splatters high up on his chest thanks to the momentum and build up, and hardly affords Saeran any relief except to make him messy.

"Aah..."

Saeyoung thrusts again, more wildly as if the sight of it spurred him on. It leaves Saeran scrabbling to keep a grip, the tangle of legs and arms and all making it difficult. But Saeran wants to hold on tight, is frantic to - obsessed with how the press of each other's skin makes them feel almost whole.

Another thrust, and Saeran is coming undone. It's all too much. "Please...!" Sweat is pouring down his chest, his neck, his back, _everywhere_. Never in Saeran's life has he exerted so much effort, and it shows.

Then another thrust hits _the_ spot, the place Saeyoung has been hitting a while now and sends Saeran into convulsions.

**Saeyoung**

The sight of Saeran, sticky and still groaning, still pushing back on Saeyoung's cock, brings Saeyoung right to the edge.

He's never made someone do _that_ before. Saeyoung's read about ejaculation separate to orgasm but he's never experienced it. But with this closeness, their connection, and Saeran's continued pushing back against him, he recognises it...

...is driven crazy by the sight of his brother covered in his own fluids, still desperate for release, asking him, 'please' with such vulnerability...

...then the shudder begins and Saeyoung feels his twin clenching around his cock uncontrollably. And he can't bear any space between them now, so he lets go of the hand on Saeran's to instead steady him as he joins his twin, chest to chest, cheek to cheek, shudder to shudder... as Saeran convulses around him and under him and _clings_ , Saeyoung feels yet more spatter against his belly as he, too, pushed past his limit by his twin's orgasm...

He pumps again and again inside his twin, and it's better, the feeling is more than his younger self could ever have imagined.

It's beautiful. Just like Saeran... Saeran, who continues to shudder even after Saeyoung is spent, lost in the sensation. Gripping Saeyoung so hard it feels like he might bruise...

...and then he, too, finally comes to a halt, his grip loosening but still holding his twin close.

For a minute, neither of them move. For now, their bodies are one, and while operational matters will need to be addressed, for now they mutually drink up that feeling, no barrier between them of any kind, a single, trembling creature with two hearts.

Saeyoung feels an 'I love you,' in his heart, but doesn't speak it aloud, yet, because right now the concept of 'I' separate to 'you' seems so unfitting. But he feels an echo of it through his skin, feels Saeran echo his heart's words.

**Saeran**

Saeran soaks in every feeling he can, floating in the sense of he and his brother and _them_ and both love shared between them and raw physicality of Saeyoung still deep inside. Not quite soft just yet.

Saeran doesn't want to let go. Doesn't want it to end. But eventually they must.

Until then, Saeran will treasure the moment. Picking up the scattered pieces of his consciousness, just to kiss Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

Somehow, it's the sweetest kiss Saeyoung has ever felt in his life. Like a bolt of cloth unrolling or a flower slowly unfurling, starting at his lips and spreading to his brain, creeping through his chest, taking rooting his heart and then extending it to his limbs.

To pluck this flower would be the same as dying.

Because they're never going to be fully separate ever again. Even when they pull apart now.

He can't live without his twin. Not any more.

He never could, really.

But now it's deeper. And, as a result, deadlier. They've bared their darkness and their light. And to look away from the other after this would be like living as a shadow.

Any heartbeat felt would ring hollow.

Because one was always only half of the equation.

There's no meaning, no way to solve it without them both. He returns the kiss and the feeling as naturally as breathing.

Relishing every single taste and feel of his twin. His other half. His heart.

But physical concerns do need to addressed, too, so finally he pushes himself back enough that he can carefully slide the sleeve from Saeran, placing it in a few tissues, and then grabbing several more from the box to help avoid spilling too much of himself into the bed as he pulls out of his twin.

Then he wriggles the rest of the way out of the pants he never fully removed in his enthusiasm, and finally collapses to Saeran's side, arms and legs immediately reaching out to nestle against his brother's.

Now that they're apart, just a little...

"I love you..." he whispers, kissing Saeran's cheek with exhausted tenderness.

**Saeran**

Separating isn't as bad as Saeran would have thought. It's akin to loosening a knot, undoing all the tension between and finally allowing them to breathe and think on their own.

But, still connected. Always connected. Theirs was a bond that could never be fully undone. Cuddling up to Saeyoung once he's dealt with most of the mess, Saeran feels the kind of happy fatigue only post-coitus could give. Where it all makes him feel more energized and alive than ever, but his body aches and pangs after so much exertion.

(It feels good...) He can practically still feel Saeyoung inside him, a throbbing not-quite-empty sensation and a tingle that can only be all the cum splattered against his inner walls.

So when Saeyoung is tender and whispering heartfelt confessions, Saeran captures his lips in another kiss. Capturing a final moment of their physical completeness.

(I'll never get enough of this.)

Mercifully, Saeran doesn't drag it on. Picking up on Saeyoung's own exhaustion.

"...I love you too," he replies, because it’s the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they're not done yet... they're gonna wind up watching some really weird porn just for the lols and uh... then that's going to lead to more... smut... indulging in a fantasy they both share...


	9. At the space station

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins unwind, but then Saeran is reminded of something Saeyoung said to MC about being married in a space station, and prods him jealously for what exactly his brother was thinking about when he said it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU, Zen accompanied Saeyoung to Mint Eye when he met Saeran rather than Yoosung. Just felt like things might have played out slightly differently with Zen rather than Yoosung, so that's another of the little alternations to the Jumin Route canon in this AU!

**Saeyoung**

They snuggle together for what feels like hours, luxuriating in their mutual satisfaction and the afterglow brought with it.

But eventually Saeyoung stretches, squeaking slightly as he feels his shoulder pop, his body aching to stretch and move again. He sits up, then drags the laptop back over from the other half of the bed.

The Noogle search for kink sorters is still open, even if Saeran closed the other tabs...

(Oh…! How did I not see this before?)

**_PornSnob... Browse by kink..._ **

Could be interesting research material... why not?

He clicks on the link with one hand, the other stroking Saeran's hair softly.

**Saeran**

Sitting up, Saeran rests his head on his brother’s shoulder, and idly watches the laptop screen. Ready to relax and unwind with some entertainment.

Except...

"... _porn_? **_Now_**?"

Saeran _had_ been the one to suggest they check some of it out earlier, but that was then.

(Wouldn't something more low-key be better?)

(Unless...)

"Were you… wanting to… compare…?"

It's the only thing that makes sense. Saeran isn't against the idea exactly, though a small insecure part of him does wonder if that meant he wasn't good enough.

(Weren’t you happy with what we just did…?)

**Saeyoung**

"Huh? Oh..." Saeyoung feels like maybe his curiosity has bitten him in the ass once again, and not in a, uh, sexy way.

"It's just the search was still open, and then the site offered a browse by kink function, and I was... curious... there's some kinks I don't know much about too, you know. And, I want to be able to fulfil... ah…"

He realises he’s sounding defensive. He stops, and takes a moment, patting Saeran's hair. "…I’m sorry. I'm messing up TPO again, huh. We can do something else."

**Saeran**

Saeran sighs and butts his head slightly into the hand gently brushing his hair. Both as payback, and to demand more of it.

He has no reason to doubt Saeyoung on any of that. Even if it was a weird thing to do.

"Doesn't matter. Anyway, I don’t mind if you want to look."

It's intriguing how Saeyoung sounds like he needs to research kinks, though, when previously he'd easily incorporated so many of their top ones.

"Personally... I thought you were an expert. Considering all the sex we've had so far. You never seem like you don’t know what you’re doing…"

**Saeyoung**

"Hahaha...aaa... “ It’s a somewhat awkward thing to hear, not just from a lover but also his brother. He knows Saeran has thought poorly of him in the past for indulging in things like his cars… things which helped him avoid thinking about the rest of his life, as unhealthy a coping mechanism as that was.

Though he also did just really love cars.

His brother doesn’t sound mad, exactly, but there’s a little discomfort being placed as an expert in all this. Fear Saeran is going to think he could open up with others the way he can with his twin… which really isn’t true.

“I mean... I'm mostly just going with what feels good...”

He’s never been able to explore sex this way with other people. (Vanderwood, though…) No.

Even with Vanderwood… they might have slept together more than any of his other partners, but, it had seemed like an alternative for having a cigarette to the other agent… and to Saeyoung… it had been another way to block out his misery.

Which wasn’t how it felt with Saeran at all.

“I've had other partners but... never a relationship... you don't tend to explore that deep when it's just... a fling... I've spent far more time in fantasy... but that's not always applicable..."

The times with himself had been just as frequently about escaping, although at least he’d been able to get into the science of pleasuring himself… browsing catalogues for ideas, trying out new items, optimising his technique… but that, too, wasn’t like being with Saeran.

Hadn’t prepared him for what it would be like, being with someone he truly loved, who loved him in return.

Saeyoung scrolls around the PornSnob homepage, not really seeing it. "I guess what I'm saying is... your brother's libido is high... but his knowledge is still somewhat theoretical outside of the more common things..."

**Saeran**

... seeing Saeyoung get shy is cute. And relatable. It makes Saeran was to kiss him again, but he settles for nuzzling lightly against Saeyoung's neck instead.

"Still... it seemed like you were doing a few things on purpose... the praise, the worship... it was nice."

Still, though, his worry from earlier niggles at him. If this was new to Saeyoung, too, then…

"How was it for you...? Was it everything you’d dreamed of?"

The question might sound cocky, but. Saeran really wants to know.

**Saeyoung**

"Better," Saeyoung responds simply.

It's the truth.

"And I'm glad you enjoyed the things I said and did. But I didn't do those because they're in your list... I did them because I…"

He pauses again, uncharacteristically stuck for words.

"You're... I... feel that way..."

How to say it right?

"If anything, I have to try to hold it back, or I'd be doing it all the time and it might start sounding meaningless..." He takes comfort in the warmth of his twin, the feel of his hair, the softness of his breath. "You really did look like an angel, you know... so beautiful... so full of light... so welcoming, in the darkness... it's hard not to feel a little humbled... that you accept me."

**Saeran**

"Oh..."

Saeran pauses, taking that all in. It's difficult to reconcile the image Saeyoung has of him with how he conceives himself. Yet he thinks he can understand. To him, Saeyoung was the most beautiful person to exist.

"I meant what I said, too.” In an effort, he mumbles "... and thank you for seeing me like that." It leaves him bashful. More so than discussing the kinks did.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung’s feeling a little embarrassed himself. He distracts himself with the laptop, scanning the list of kink links...

(Hehe...kink link)

Oh.

There is _that_. He's clueless about that one.

"The whole... feeding you with kisses thing really just came to me on the spur of the moment. I have no idea what people normally do with food, but it seems pretty popular..."

**Saeran**

"Me neither." Saeran admits, just as sheepish as his twin, "But I like food, and... I like you, so..."

He finishes with a small nudge against Saeyoung's side, to make the point that nothing they’d tried so far has repelled him. Far from it. Saeran wants to try these things with Saeyoung just as much.

"I know it can be romantic," he continues to hint. There's a lot about food and intimacy in fiction, and not only in the sexy way.

Saeran wants to try it for those reasons too. He's never had a relationship even close to romantic before Saeyoung. Really, it’s only ever been…

(It really has always been him... even when we were kids, there were some romantic undercurrents.)

Funny how hindsight sheds light on these things.

**Saeyoung**

Well, then. Saeyoung clicks on the ‘food kink’ category and immediately video thumbnails load one by one onto the screen, pre-playing a few frames any time the mouse cursor hovers over them.

There's... a lot...

"I did know whipped cream was pretty popular, and... looks like that holds up..." he comments, noticing the number of videos with it in the title or the thumbnail... "Oh, and edible body paint..." He grins. "I've seen that in online stores before... I wonder if it tastes good... I think they have to put a lot of other ingredients into it, to make it have that texture…"

There seems to be a trend in general for food in porn to be sweet.

"You like sweet things a lot..." he thinks out loud, loading a video of a couple licking rainbow sprinkles off each other...

He wonders if sprinkles are as hard to wash off as sand...

**Saeran**

There's certainly no harm in watching. Though Saeran doesn't feel anything by seeing it. Possibly because he's too spent. Or possibly because… it's not Saeyoung.

...okay, maybe he feels something imagining Saeyoung licking a line of sprinkles off his stomach. But it's not strong enough for him to do anything about it.

The other issue is that, well, it gets repetitive. Like the whipped cream videos, which were clearly all different takes of the same topic.

"There's probably only so much you can do with food."

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah, I guess so... I bet we could come up with better things ours- wait wha-"

Something... colourful catches his eye.

"Ah....hahahahaha.... I..." The thumbnail is a cartoon of a woman eating a burger with extreme pleasure on her face. Behind her, a man covers her naked breasts with... two burger buns.

'Burger Heart' is the title underneath the thumbnail.

"B...B...urger... h-hahahahhha-" He's clicking on it before he's even finished laughing.

"Ahahahahahahahaha-oh my god."

The animation is bad. The setup is bad. The voice actors HATE BEING THERE.

He can't stop giggling.

A new waitress is being trained at the restaurant and there are SO MANY BUN PUNS. So many.

And male-self-insert character’s voice actor puts inflection in such weird places...

> **> Manager: Cynthia... you HAve to trY my lateST RECipe**
> 
> **> Cynthia, internally: oh god, I hope he's not talking about semen**
> 
> **> Manager: IT's..... SEmen**

"Oh... oh my god... it's so bad"

The manager fucks the new waitress in the restroom to "perfect the recipe". Then for no understandable reason the competing burger place sends in spies to... also fuck her... then somehow, they all wind up on the roof in some kind of showdown... then the two managers fuck each other while making their competitor eat their own burger recipe... as some kind of... duel...

Saeyoung is getting dizzy from how much he's giggling, skipping from scene to scene.

Sometimes hentai skimps on the non-sex animations to save money... but here, every expense has been spared.

**Saeran**

The hentai is a perfect distraction. Saeran finds himself transfixed out of morbid curiosity, each awful scene throwing him for a loop.

But unlike Saeyoung, he doesn't crack up at the ludicrousness. It's all a bit too random and weird.

(Trust that this suits Saeyoung's tastes.) If anything Saeyoung's giggle fits are the most entertainment he gets out of this.

"I'll admit it's creative." Saeran remarks with dry amusement, "But I hope it isn't giving you any ideas."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung pushes back the laptop, stopping the playback, literally wiping a tear of laughter from his eye.

"Pffffhaha... haha... aaaaaaahhhhh... oh my god... that awfulness... ahhhh..." He leans onto Saeran, resting his head on his shoulder, and giving the thigh under his hand a squeeze.

He's silent a few seconds, then...

...Saeran can feel his twin's body start to shake again.

"Pfffhaaaaa... ah... he... throwing down a spatula to start a duel... aaah..."

He raises his hand from Saeran's thigh to wrap around his waist instead.

"Sorry..." he says voice still tinged with laughter. "This was a pretty dumb idea after all... hah..."

**Saeran**

Seeing Saeyoung so amused is contagious and puts Saeran in a playful mood too. He just happens to have a different sense of humor.

"I'm glad you were entertained." Saeran says with mock seriousness, "Now I don't know if I can ever have sex again without thinking of that porno." Shaking his head at the tragedy of it all, Saeran puts on a deep sigh and pushes Saeyoung away ever so slightly.

"Actually, I don't know if I can even be aroused by you anymore. Seeing you naked will just remind me of it."

**Saeyoung**

"Nooooooooooooo...!!" Saeyoung clings to his brother in exaggerated distress. "What should I do?? Maybe flex? Ahhh, but your muscle kink was pretty low in the list..."

He swoons backwards across his brother's lap, pouting up at him with one hand against his forehead. "Read you a love poem?? Go on a journey to find the rarest gem in the world to present at your feet??"

**Saeran**

Saeran cringes and shoves Saeyoung off his lap. _Too soon_.

"Nope."

Instead, he'll use the chance to get up and put underwear on. Stretch a little.

Attempt to walk out of the room, only to find that difficult because...

"O... Ow."

Saeran sits back down on the bed.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung immediately drops the act at his twin's face.

"O-oh... you might want to sit a few minutes longer... I can make you some tea..."

(Idiot... you should have warned him it'd be like this... what kind of lover are you?)

(I should have thought about how he was doing...)

"...I'm sorry, I was thoughtless. I should be looking out for you."

**Saeran**

The worry makes Saeran blink, nonplussed.

"... weren't you looking after me already?"

All he had needed was comfort and rest, and Saeyoung had gone above and beyond that. He even put on something to watch.

There wasn't anything thoughtless about it in his opinion. Of course he was going to hurt a little when he moved. His body was unused to what they’d just done, after all. That was just common sense.

... Besides, he was thinking of getting something more than just tea when he stood up. Something to shock Saeyoung a little.

Saeran blushes. Here his twin was concerned over him, and he was thinking about...

Saeran clears his throat.

"It was making me hungry, so I was going to get the last of that porridge."

**Saeyoung**

"I can do that! You sit just a little longer, okay! Sorry!"

Saeyoung dashes out of the room without giving Saeran a chance to respond.

Once in the kitchen, he works way too fast, nearly dropping the cups, and splashing himself with porridge trying to balance the bowls.

"U...ugh..."

He heads back to Saeran, having added some dry fruit and a few other things to the porridge, like Saeran had done the day before, although not... quite as artistically or well.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung rushes back and Saeran feels bad to see him fretting so much. To the point of spilling porridge on himself?

(... That won't do.)

When Saeyoung passes him the bowl, Saeran takes it with a small murmur of thanks - then grabs his arm gently. Leaning forward, Saeran brushes his tongue along his twin's arm, swiping up the remaining porridge there, before leaning back and licking his lips.

He had planned on something like this anyway.

"Hmmm. No, I'm still thinking about that abysmal porn," he sighs in fake exasperation. "If only there was a way to wipe that memory... maybe something that could replace my most recent memory of stuff involving food kinks..."

(Hint, hint.)

That should cheer Saeyoung up.

**Saeyoung**

"O…oh.” So _that’s_ what Saeran had been getting it.

He takes a breath, exhaling slowly, trying release the tension built inside from his sudden guilt.

"I'll try to think of something nice to do for you, then..." he murmurs, before kissing the corner of Saeran's mouth and along his cheek, leaning back after to beam warmly at his twin.

**Saeran**

It's almost disappointing that Saeyoung rolls with it so easily. Almost. When Saeyoung smiles at him like that...

"Oh..." Saeran breathes faintly, starstruck.

All negative emotions float away.

It takes him a moment to play along. "Alright. I'll be counting on you to do that."

**Saeyoung**

(I wanna kiss him again...)

(I wanna kiss him again.)

(I wanna kiss him again!)

"Can I...?" he starts, eyes taking in every beautiful detail of his twin's face.

"Can I kiss you a bit more... before we eat? Just a little..."

It's way too soon to be starting an actual... second session of anything serious... and it's not his intention...

But he looks so...

so...

(...I love him so much...)

"...if it's okay..."

**Saeran**

The request makes Saeran smile, eyes still sparkling from all the stars Saeyoung gave him.

"You know... that's what I was going for, right?"

In a playful manner that required feigned seriousness, yes, but... "I'm starting to worry you thought I meant it... of course I want you to kiss me."

Reaching out, Saeran stokes his hands up his twin's arms intently, using the caress to soothe all of Saeyoung's concerns.

"I like to feel you here with me."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung closes his eyes at the feel of his brother's arms moving along his skin. He breathes in deeply, and he can smell the porridge, the tea... the leftover smell of sex... Saeran's sweat... Saeran...

Eyes still closed, he breathes out. "I thought maybe I'd been letting myself be too greedy for your touch and your attention... I should have done more for you rather than watching dumb things... you joke, but... it's true..."

He opens his eyes again, and... if an astronomical map had been painted in mixtures of gold and bronze... it'd look a little like the way they do right now.

Then he leans in to kiss his brother. In stark contrast to their earlier activities, there's nothing but gentleness in this kiss.

**Saeran**

It's mystifying how Saeyoung worries about not doing enough for Saeran, when Saeran had spent so long resenting him for that reason and was very vocal about it.

But Saeran also knows that isn't fair, that in all likelihood he's hurt Saeyoung enough to give him a complex. There's nothing he can do about that now... except try to reassure his love as best he can.

Saeran’s arms move to wrap around his twin's shoulders, kissing back tenderly. When they finally part, Saeran rests his forehead against Saeyoung's and speaks against his lips. Not willing to go far.

"You might be more romantic than me...  I thought something as pure as spending time together was perfect, no matter the content."

Saeran is a simple man. And he has pretty simple needs.

"I don't care if it's the right way or the wrong way. As long as I have you... haha, what I'm saying is, I'm pretty selfish as well, okay?"

He finishes with another kiss, because that's what he wants.

"But thank you for thinking of me."

**Saeyoung**

"Always..." Saeyoung responds, a little more intensely than he'd aimed to sound. "Always..."

A kiss says more than anything he can find words for right now, so he closes the tiny distance between them once more that way.

"Shall we eat?"

**Saeran**

There's an impish quirk to Saeran's mouth at the suggestion. Emotions running high from all the kisses and Saeyoung's intensity.

"Only if you feed me."

**Saeyoung**

"Well..." Saeyoung murmurs, "...you know how much I love putting things in your mouth..."

Saeran's touch and kisses were enough comfort to make Saeyoung feel his confidence and playfulness return... and this time, they can enjoy what they did before, with neither one of them having to be sick, this time.

So he climbs up onto the bed with Saeran, and reaches out his arms.

"Come cuddle me more, then, and I'll feed you..."

They can probably sit face to face if he moves around like this... puts his legs here...

**Saeran**

Obedient, Saeran crawls into Saeyoung's arms and allows him to rearrange their limbs as required. Very patient, but very expectant.

... there is one thing bugging him though.

"... don't feel like you have to spoil me too much."

Saeran's his brother. And lover. Not his kid.

**Saeyoung**

"Hahaha..." Saeyoung's laugh isn't dismissive, just... at himself.

"I'm... I think this is what I'm like in love. I mean... I haven't got a basis for comparison, but I... I just want to shower you in affection, and..." he lets his grip loosen – maybe he’s still being too clingy?

"I can't say part of me doesn't feel like I want to make up for lost time. I’m sorry... is it too intense?"

He runs a hand through his own hair, reminded of how much he's going to need to shower after this. He's... done a lot of sweating this morning.

"Would it make you more comfortable if I...?"

He pauses, searching, and then-

"...I just realised I have no idea how to show my affection other than what I've been doing, hahahaha..."

He releases Saeran entirely, steepling his fingers over his nose. "I may be a lost cause..."

**Saeran**

"That's not what I meant." Saeran says, dismayed and a little anxious. "Honestly, I envy that you can be so intense. I... I want to show you that same intensity... but I guess I come up a little short."

This time Saeran's the one laughing at himself. "Haaah... You mean the world to me... and you wouldn't be you without doing what you do."

At the corners of his heart, Saeran feels bitterness raise its head. Berating him for being such an airhead and a weakling, to fail at something his brother could do so easily.

Never mind that the thing in question was loving Saeran.

"So if there's something you're only doing for my sake, don't. I want to meet you halfway."

Pausing, Saeran lifts his eyes to meet Saeyoung's. Expression momentarily inscrutable. "I want to walk beside you rather than being picked up all the time."

(...)

"Metaphorically speaking, anyway."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung drops his hands to his lips, still steepling his fingers

"I'm glad that last part is metaphorical, because I uh. I like picking you up." Saeyoung admits... not that he's particularly hidden this fact in any way. “And, I want to meet you halfway, too. If you’d feel more comfortable kissing some food to me instead, I won’t complain, haha… I’m happy to be the one sitting in _your_ lap too…”

**Saeran**

Relieved that he was listened to, and that Saeyoung could accept his feelings, Saeran smiles back... before leaning forward to kiss the steeple of Saeyoung's fingers.

"That does sound fun. But you'll need to move your hands."

They're kind of in the way. Which is fine. It gives him another chance to bully Saeyoung a bit.

"And I noticed you like that. Carrying me. What are you thinking when you do it, anyway?"

Saeran is genuinely curious. Then again, lately he always wants to know what's going through his twin's head...

**Saeyoung**

"W-well... whenever I saw one half of the couple carry another, I just felt a little jealous... and..."

Honesty.

He promised.

"This is going to probably sound really weird." He takes his hands from his face.

"But uh. People often do it at weddings, too... and that's... cute... to me..."

He tries to gauge Saeran's reaction.

"It's not me being... um... I'm not hung up on that stuff... I just like the symbolism..."

**Saeran**

Ah.

That was...

It never would have occurred to Saeran that this was what his brother had been thinking, carrying him.

(Marriage...)

"Isn't our bond stronger than that?' He wonders aloud, before he catches himself. "Oh. Um... not to be awkward..."

(My face feels warm.)

"... what I mean is, our bond is more than something you can create with vows."

Saeran raises a hand up to cover his heart. If he concentrated enough, he could feel Saeyoung's echoing heartbeat.

There was no denying that the symbolism was incredibly attractive though.

Case in point: Saeyoung's earring. It glints in his ear, makes Saeran happy every time it catches his eye. Saeran can't help but reach out and trace it.

"... but when you put it like that, it makes me happy too."

They may not ever be able to get married, but it was enough to know they could discover other ways to show their love.

All of this reminds Saeran how much of a romantic Saeyoung could really be too. It's cute.

(Actually, hasn't he said something about marriage before? When we were still on opposite sides… Saeyoung with the RFA, me with Mint Eye…)

(When exactly was it...)

(...)

(Oh.)

That's right. He remembers. Re-reading the chatlog, he’d been furious with his twin. Angry at him for flirting so lightly with MC.

(Looking back, I was jealous.)

Saeran knew Saeyoung was just covering up his own loneliness when he said it. That he'd been acting out.

He _knows_ that.

It isn't stopping his sudden jealousy at the memory.

"...right. Didn't you want to get married at the space station...?"

**Saeyoung**

"I said that...?"

He remembers... it had been a fantasy of his... one of many fantasies he'd had, when he thought his life was going to be mission after mission, until his engine turned off forever, and there were no more missions.

No more RFA.

No more Saeyoung.

"I wanted to dream big... given I knew all I could ever ask for was the dream...”

He tilts his head, brow furrowed.

"Did I... did I say that to you...?"

He can't remember ever telling anyone about that unrealistic fantasy...

**Saeran**

"You said it to MC," Saeran replies bluntly. And he tugs Saeyoung's earlobe for good measure.

On one hand, it felt good that Saeyoung forgot about it. On the other, it only fuels his past irritation at Saeyoung for not taking it seriously. "On the third day of her... my infiltration into the RFA," he continues.

The words sounding stiff and formal, like reading a report.

Saeran had written up daily reports for the Savior, so... (guess that stuck.)

Dropping his hand from Saeyoung's ear, he moves to poke his twin's cheek. He wasn't really mad at Saeyoung. Truly. Saeran had selected MC based on her attractiveness, thinking it would help make the RFA open up. Little did he know he got more than he bargained for.

Plus... Saeran never expected her to end up with Saeyoung anyway. Partly for the reasons his brother mentioned. Dating simply hadn't been in the cards for Saeyoung at all.

... But also, Saeran inherently knew the only one who could complete his twin that way would be him.

Not that Saeyoung needs to know that.

"It stuck out to me."

**Saeyoung**

(Oh.)

(Oooooh.)

So many of those days... a couple years ago now... had blurred into one for Saeyoung.

For a start, his agency work had been endless, and he’d slept at such erratic hours sometimes it felt like the entire ordeal had taken place over just a single... very long.... day.

Then, after he’d dragged Zen to Mint Eye to investigate the hacker… he’d seen Saeran.

If Zen hadn’t stopped him from collapsing right then and there in despair, let his brother exact whatever revenge he’d desired at the time…

It had been a rough two days.

Then there was the RFA Party, held eleven days after MC’s first appearance. Saeyoung barely remembers it, only there because part of him had hoped he'd be able to pick up the trail for Saeran again...

...which he had.

Because Saeran couldn't stay away.

Saeyoung's guess had been right. His link with his brother not severed, only twisted.

And after that party...

...

But this had happened earlier. The third day, huh?

"Day three..." he says aloud, as if that alone would bring back the memory.

Everyone was calling each other a lot more than usual thanks to MC's arrival - and MC had called him many, many more times than he'd been able or willing to pick up. For a while it had almost felt like she was a little... interested in him...

He hadn't thought about that in a while.

She'd always reached out to him, shown interest in how he was doing, and played along with his jokes...

...he had to admit, he'd been a little charmed.

"I remember..." he says, rubbing his cheek where his twin had poked it, "that she was very kind to me even then..." Although, if he was honest with himself, she'd always been quick to support Jumin when Seven had attempted to mess with him.

"I think her interest in Jumin made me feel a little safer liking her... even, yeah... we did flirt, didn't we?"

Of course, dating had never been an option, but that didn't stop crushes... and... at times, seeing her log on in those early days... nights... times...

...his heart had skipped a little.

It would have taken one heck of a woman to have done more than that, though. And after he'd visited Mint Eye with Zen, and learned Saeran was suffering...

His twin would always have come first.

It would have taken a miracle for anyone to want to stick around with Saeyoung after that.

He realises he's been staring vacantly. "So I told her about that, huh...? Well, it was an impossible thing to say, which I guess is why it felt safe saying it..."

He focuses on his brother's face. (H-he poked me pretty hard... I feel like I got reprimanded... so why does it make me feel so happy, haha...)

His hand goes up again to touch where Saeran had poked, as the thoughts gather in his mind.

"And you remembered what I said...?"

His face breaks into one of his goofier smiles. "You kept that in your heart this whole time! My impossible thought!"

He steeples his fingers again, placing them under his chin this time.

"Even though you thought I was your enemy. My dream stayed with you. I'm kinda happy you remembered, even though I'm sure you thought it was pretty stupid at the time, right?"

**Saeran**

Called out, Saeran's cheeks turn as red as his hair and his lips jut out in a pout.

"Yeah." He says, a one word answer that implies so much more. Yes, it was stupid. Yes, he'd remembered. Yes, he kept Saeyoung in his heart. Yes, he'd been that obsessed.

Yes, he still was. So what?

They've established that they had feelings for each other even before that time. It should be no surprise Saeran was...

"...In hindsight, mostly it made me jealous."

Both for his brother, and against him.

Saeran looks to the side, shrugging. "MC was meant to be the perfect bait, so it's no surprise you liked her a little. I did too, in a… twisted way."

He'd wanted an assistant, just like Saeyoung. He'd wanted someone who'd do and believe everything he said. That she was pretty was a bonus.

It wasn't love.  To him, MC had been nothing but a perfect marionette. A tool for a tool.

A replacement for the empty space he felt beside him.

A guarantee he'd never be left alone again.

A mother to actually care for him...

He was pretty messed up. Hell, he was in a romantic and sexual relationship with his own brother.

But for all that was flawed, Saeran still felt like this was the best he was going to get. Sure, he still had hang ups... But he wasn't in a space where he needed to dominate and hurt others anymore. Nor was he controlled. Now he could make his own decisions.

Like choosing to date the love of his life and move past any negativity.

Ideally with kissing.

Saeran tilts his head and glances at Saeyoung sideways.

"This is getting off-topic. You said something about kisses?"

**Saeyoung**

"Hmmm," Saeyoung responds, enjoying his twin's blush. "You should come to a planetarium with me. For a date. I wanna kiss you when we're surrounded by stars."

It might not be a space station, but it’d feel good, all the same.

He drops his hands so that he can lean in to kiss each of Saeran's pink cheeks. Then leans back to lift a bowl from the bedside table.

"Let's outdo everyone else... our kisses the other day were much better than anything we saw at that group date... we're already in the kissing platinum league without even trying~"

And he takes up a spoon, scooping up some porridge and blowing on it. Then holds it up to Saeran's mouth.

"Wanna try kissing me until we get a lifetime membership?"

His metaphor could use some work, but... his smile is genuine and full of affection...

**Saeran**

A planetarium date sounds fun. Saeran can't help but mirror Saeyoung's smile at the idea, though the kisses to his cheeks are just as much to blame.

Leaning forward, Saeran takes the spoon into his mouth. It's every bit the sappy couple trope seem in fiction when he does.

Except of course, he's not swallowing, moving instead to kiss Saeyoung deeply.

**Saeyoung**

(Ah...)

It's a different feeling having the food returned to him like this, although just as pleasant... his brother's tongue...

He maybe extends the kiss longer than is necessary just to accept and swallow what his twin has given him... maybe...

Definitely...

(It's nice...)

As they finally separate, he pauses, looking at Saeran thoughtfully.

"It does feel a little different when you're the one receiving, huh?"

He hums lightly at the thought.

"Again... I want to taste you more..."

**Saeran**

Saeyoung doesn't need to ask him twice. Parting his lips, Saeran makes a sound known around the world.

"Aah~"

If Saeyoung wants another kiss he'll have to feed him.

**Saeyoung**

This time, when Saeyoung beings the spoon to his twin's lips, he brings himself along with it, pressing them against his brother's almost as soon as he's accepted it.

The resulting kiss is hungry, and again Saeyoung seems reluctant to pull away.

"Sorry," he grins. "I'm hungrier "than I realized. The porridge is a nice side benefit, too~"

He's still tired from earlier, but he can never get enough of his twin's affection.

"My turn~" he sings lightly, holding the spoon to Saeran.

**Saeran**

"Oh? But you just implied you weren't hungry for porridge."

Saeran's eyes glimmer mischievously, and he mock considers the spoon.

"It sounds like you just want the treat. But you'll have to ask nicely for that."

**Saeyoung**

"You saw right through me," Saeyoung replies, "but I feel like I'm gonna need to give you more than just a 'please', so..."

He shuffles closer, and slowly kisses a little trail across Saeran's neck, down his arm, ending on the fingers of his dominant hand. Each kiss is slow and deliberate, Saeyoung painstakingly examining each spot before he presses his lips to it.

Then, with Saeran's fingers still held up to his lips, he looks up at his twin with a tiny secretive smile.

"Please?"

**Saeran**

Saeran's fingers curl slightly, and it's so tempting to lean forward to give Saeyoung all he desires and more.

God...

That had to be cheating.

All the attention given to his fingers gives Saeran an idea though, and he tugs then back - much to Saeyoung's dismay. Now it's his turn to smile that small, secretive smile.

"Don't worry. I'll give you what you want. I promise." He says, voice light as he reaching back for the bowl of porridge...

And dips his fingers in, scooping up the food and bringing it to his mouth to test it. It's a bit of a show, one long unnecessary lick up his finger before sucking it off with a small hum.

Satisfied, Saeran then scoops up more and offers his fingers back to Saeyoung.

"How about this?"

**Saeyoung**

God.

If Saeran got any sexier than this, both of them were going to get stuck here a lot longer than anticipated.

...

...

...

He takes Saeran's hand lightly by the wrist, letting the excess slowly dribble onto his hand as well. "I couldn't resist you even if I wanted to... you know this..." He presses his lips into Saeran's palm, getting some of the porridge onto his nose and cheeks as he does so... and relishing in it.

"...right...?"

Then he starts one long, slow lick from Saeran's palm to the tip of his finger, but as he reaches the top, he takes the whole finger into his mouth, shivering with the pleasure of taking even a little of his twin and his taste into his own mouth.

He takes the entire finger, and lightly swipes his tongue over it before slowly letting it slip out, tonguing the tip just like he would... other things.

"You're so... unfairly... sexy... Saeran..." he whines, his eyes glimmering with renewed lust. "I feel like I'm losing my mind when you do things like that..."

Another lick, another finger.

"The more I taste you, the more I want to taste you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more smut chapter and then we'll be onto the next story arc! [steeples my fingers in anticipation]


	10. My brother, the furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins continue to escalate their flirting, and eventually it turns into Saeyoung re-telling the story of his first wet dream.
> 
>  
> 
> **BING BONG! SMUT CHAPTER AHEAD.**

**Saeran**

Saeyoung is compelling, except for…

"Stop, stop."

The little bit of porridge smeared on Saeyoung's nose was way too distracting.

There's only one thing that can be done for it. Closing the space between them, Saeran licks the porridge off his twin's nose with a little snicker.

"I couldn't take you seriously like that..." he tells his lover, before pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Try again...?"

It also provides a good excuse to cool things down for a minute. Saeran is tempted to suggest Saeyoung suck him off... his twin's expert tongue becoming an addiction. Particularly when his words are equally seductive.

But Saeran wants to deny Saeyoung for a bit.

Why?

It’s fun. That’s why.

**Saeyoung**

A wicked grin. Saeran finds porridge on his face distracting, huh?

"Sure"

*Swipe*

"Thing"

*Swipe*

"My"

*Swipe*

"One"

*Swipe*

"And"

*Swipe*

"Only"

*Swipe*

Saeyoung now has six whiskers, three on each side of his face, made from rice porridge.

It might be a mood killer... but Saeyoung at least takes pride in his work.

"How do you like me nyaow?” Saeyoung tilts his head, raising his hands like paws.  
“Oh, do you know the legend of the breakfast cat? Kiss off his whiskers, and you get a wish~"

**Saeran**

…of course that only spurred Saeyoung on. He should have known.

"Haha... I never heard of a legend like that."

It reminds Saeran a little of the made up stories they used to tell one another when they were little. While Saeyoung had been the one to lead them, Saeran had later picked up the habit for himself.

"Let me guess... it starts with something like, 'Once upon a time there was a cat sorely lacking in kisses...'"

Saeran pulls a pitiful face at the thought. So tragic. "What an unfortunate thing it must have been. And since it's a breakfast cat... to make people like it, it must've turned into something everyone enjoyed."

A beat. For dramatic effect.

"Breakfast food."

(Hmm... no, that doesn't sound entirely correct. It isn't cohesive.) "Or maybe it was stuck that way, and only true love's kiss could lift the curse and allow the cat to grant one wish?"

Better...

"In that case, it can't be helped."

Saeran presses a kiss to Saeyoung's cheek. Then another. And another. Carefully and methodically kissing and licking off all the porridge, having as much fun with it as Saeyoung is.

**Saeyoung**

For Saeyoung, having his twin not only play along but actually build on his silly fantasy is as much of a turn on as anything else that’s happened this morning.

"Oh my," he purrs, golden eyes somehow more catlike than before despite a lack of any real physical change. "Could it be?"

He nuzzles into Saeran's chest and neck, then pulls away in wide-eyed surprise.

"It is! My true love... you found me...! Thank you for freeing me from the spell, myuuu~"

He takes Saeran's hands, kissing each finger on the tip lightly, a little like he had earlier.

"There! The curse is broken! And now, my love... let me grant you a wish...I'll make it come true for you <3 ~!"

**Saeran**

(There's a word for this... what was it...)

(Oh. Right.)

Very seriously, Saeran states his wish:

"That my brother wasn't a furry."

**Saeyoung**

"Oh no~" Saeyoung wails softly, "what's happeningggg... I'm melting... melting... oh, what a world...~"

He leans back on the bed (thank you, abdominal strength) flailing slightly... but springs back almost straight away (thank you x2)

"Oho! You broke the secret curse!!" Now his voice sounds like a parody of a gallant hero in a historical drama. "For now you have released me, Prince Saeyoung! I was trapped in the form of a cat as punishment for pranking the mysterious old wizard who lives in the C&R! Ho ho ho!" He pauses.

In his normal voice: "Somehow, against all the odds this became a popular tale that swept a nation... soon to come to a screen near you!"

He grins. "As my co-author, I must thank you... but I'm afraid I'm flat broke, so please... accept this instead... a good luck charm..." And he scoops up porridge in his fingers, and draws lines across Saeran's chest with them. Of course, one line passes directly over his nipples...

"Now to makes it last..."

And he licks, line by line, leaving the one across the nipples for last, the reason for which becomes clear as he... lingers... and circles... and sucks... far more than is necessary to clean off his twin.

**Saeran**

Creative. Very, very creative. Saeran might applaud the ingenuity his twin used to not only wrap up that little story, but to get over the hurdles Saeran had set for him so smoothly.

But his hands are busy with something far more important. Namely, pressing into Saeyoung's mess of hair and squeezing his bicep while his twin practically devours his chest. The attack makes Saeran's nipples all the more sensitive by the time Saeyoung gets to one - pink and pert.

Soon to be dyed a rosy red once given attention. "Aah..."

(This... is new).

Another discovery. At times Saeran's nipples had reacted to standard caresses, but he had no idea it could feel _this_ good.

"Saeyoung..." He groans, all traces of joking gone.

**Saeyoung**

He loves his twin’s own brand of playfulness. Loves his sweet bullying. Loves his quiet warmth. Loves his _moans_ …

Wants more… of everything.

(Will I ever have enough?)

Unlikely. He’ll need it for the rest of his life. As soon as he’s satisfied, it’s only a matter of time before he’s yearning again. Thank god Saeran feels the same way…

He doesn’t want to be _too_ rough, given what they’d been doing earlier this morning. So his teasing is only enough to stimulate, arouse, and keep those moans coming…

“Mm, Saeran. I said I loved your flavour, right?” He murmurs this as he ceases to suck and graze and instead switches to light kisses, on and around each nipple. _Too_ light. Far, far too light when the stimulation had been so intoxicating just earlier...

Of course, it's by design, so that Saeran can only want to push back, craving that additional sensation, taunted by the lightness of his twin's touch.

**Saeran**

Compared to the earlier sex, what they were doing now was nothing. That wasn't stopping Saeran from arching his body up into Saeyoung's too talented mouth, now half hard from Saeyoung's efforts.

"Y...es," He pants, mind racing to recall Saeyoung's words. "You wanted to taste me..."

As far as Saeran was concerned Saeyoung was doing a pretty good job of that. And oh, did he want to be consumed by his twin. Every part of his body made to ache by even the littlest or silliest gestures.

And so soon!

Every time Saeyoung touches him, it ends so wonderfully… is it any wonder his response to his twin feels almost pavolvian at this point?

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung hums agreement, letting the sound send just a little more of a tickle through Saeran’s skin. “That’s right~”

He moves the bowl from between them so it doesn’t get tipped over onto the bed, though he dips his fingers in it again and holds them up, letting the porridge slowly trail down.

Then he shuffles back a little, and while keeping his eyes on Saeran’s, grasps his twin’s inner thigh. Instead of raising it again to lick off the mixture, he shuffles onto his stomach, leaving his hand in place. Then he licks around the fingers he has splayed across Saeran’s thigh, tracing the shape of his own hand on his twin.

**Saeran**

Saeran's breath stutters. The viscous fluid of the porridge combined with Saeyoung's tongue... Saeyoung's hand on his thigh...tracing the edges of it, so that the shape there remained...

It's so unreal to watch it happening, let alone experience it. Whenever they have sex Saeran tends to feel that way, at least once. Awkward and unsure, because it's so different from what he's been trained to expect over the years.

Even from Saeyoung.

"Haha... I don't... Know how to react to that."

It's overwhelming. Saeran huffs out a small breath, focusing on the touch. Finding assurance that this is not some pretty thing he dreamed up.

"... every time you surprise me like this... I have to wonder if this is real. It’s…"

He pauses, finding his own inspiration.

“I can't help but want more..." Saeran reaches for the bowl and coats his fingers again, proceeding to run them up his stomach, then up to his lips.

It's a clear invitation.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung accepts the invitation enthusiastically, apparently taking great pleasure at how he has to nudge his twin's growing erection with his cheek in order to reach the porridge drips at the lowest point of his stomach.

He takes his time working up Saeran's chest, letting nothing but his mouth touch his brother.

Then when he reaches his twin's lips...

He licks across them, mimicking the sweep of Saeran's fingers. But then he follows up with a kiss, just a light one, before another and another, each one a little deeper and longer than the last.

Finally he pulls back to look at Saeran. "Did that feel real?"

**Saeran**

Saeran can taste porridge in his mouth and on his lips and has a sinking suspicion he might never be able to eat it again without needing to kiss Saeyoung.

But Saeyoung's tongue was very much real. A hot slippery muscle that Saeran would gladly accept anywhere Saeyoung wanted to put it.

Still... There could be a certain fun in keeping up the farce that it was all a dream too.

"...I could use more convincing."

**Saeyoung**

"Oh? Maybe I should pinch you, that's what people normally do, right?"

But instead of the typical pinch on the arm, Saeyoung covers his twin's mouth in a kiss again, but his hand drifts down to a nipple which he tweaks... not unpleasantly at all. "Not convinced yet?" He doesn't wait for an answer, but instead slowly nibbles his way down Saeran's neck and chest, bumping into his erection at his belly once again.

"Part of you seems convinced," he adds, using his tongue to lick off a bead of pre-cum.

**Saeran**

"Haven't you ever heard of a wet dream?" Saeran replies, even as he arches up his back so that his cock presses firmly up against Saeyoung's mouth.

"It started ridiculous enough..."

No, Saeran has still not, and never will, forget about the burger porn.

"Maybe after we made love the first time, I just drifted off..."

He gently cards a hand through Saeyoung's hair in an attempt to silently assure him. Just in case his resistance came out wrong. "You know... in dreams, you often have more confidence and do things you wouldn't normally..." he adds, as a tasty little hint.

Saeran's open to suggestions, if Saeyoung plays along.

**Saeyoung**

"I’m not sure there’s anything I _wouldn't_ be game to try with the love of my life at least once," Saeyoung responds, raising his head a little against Saeran's hand with pleasure at his touch. “Dream not required.”

Then he bites at his lip, as if in deep thought. "Though… perhaps… I could use the dream to give him some subliminal messages about how wonderful he is..."

He smirks, tilting his head so he can nuzzle into Saeran's hand. "Hmmm... or maybe I should just use this dream to share with him one of my first wet dreams... I still remember it, you know? I was so surprised. It started a little like this..."

His voice changes subtly, a little higher, a little softer. "Oh, Saeran... I just woke up and... you were pushing against me down there... I should take a look... I know about this kind of thing... you have to touch it... then it'll get better..."

He reaches out and lightly rubs the pre-cum from Saeran's cock down the shaft, teasing lightly with his fingers. "But it can make a mess... if anyone finds out, we could get in trouble... so don't worry... I'll take care of it..."

And he laps at the head of Saeran's dick, feeling it stiffen further under his tongue.

**Saeran**

The disturbing thing is, Saeran knows he would've absolutely fallen for Saeyoung's logic when he was younger. That was how much trust he had in his brother.

More disturbing is how hot he finds it. It's not quite roleplay, since it's a story from their youth. But... there's elements of that there, and Saeyoung is able to perfectly communicate the dichotomy of genuine innocence and underhanded perversion his wet dream entailed.

"S-Saeyoung..." Saeran stutters, able to imagine it all too well. The hand in Saeyoung's hair tugs impatiently.

**Saeyoung**

"It's okay... I'll make it feel good... you don't have to worry..." Saeyoung promises, voice still just that little bit... younger.

"I'll kiss it... like I kissed your scraped knee."

And he does, kissing his brother's erect penis lightly, just like he would have a nick or scrape.  "Oh... I think I'll have to..." He licks up the shaft again, feeling his twin tremble at the sensation. "I'm going to put it in my mouth, okay? And if you want to, you can push it inside, too... if you do it enough times, it's really nice..."

He sinks his lips down over Saeran's cock, sucking at it gently, still not nearly enough, leaving Saeran wanting so much more.

He lifts his mouth off again. "Does it feel good? Do you want me to do it more?"

**Saeran**

(I remember... he used to be this tender...)

Not that Saeyoung wasn't anymore, but there was a certain gentleness he had when he was younger that time covered up. Saeran was as much to blame for it too, for all the occasions he used that gentleness against Saeyoung as an adult.

There was also the fact that Saeran had grown up, and was no longer the stupid and weak little brother that had to be doted on. Saeyoung had too, and could talk to Saeran like an adult. An equal.

Nor did it account for their current experience with sex. But have that old tenderness applied to this situation...  it tugs at Saeran's heartstrings as much as it does his loins.

Unknowingly, his voice matches Saeyoung's pitch - and becomes reminiscent of Saeran's younger, breathier voice.

"Please, Saeyoung..." Catching sound of his voice, Saeran swallows. He can practically feel his younger self's likely embarrassment, and shame, and... need...

"It's good... can... you do more?"

**Saeyoung**

For a moment, hearing his twin sound like that, Saeyoung's breath catches in his throat as the memory reaches out to catch hold of him.

He'd been so confused back then, as a teen, waking with dampness between his legs. Not sure for a minute if he'd dreamed it all, or experienced reality.

But… there was no taste of his brother’s… his mouth was like it always was. And his twin's side of the bed was fine. But his...

For one heart pounding moment, he wondered if his twin had done to him what he's dreamed of doing to Saeran himself. But his brother was still asleep, and there was no trace of him having done anything with his mouth.

To think his mind could do this to him when he was sleeping...

...dangerous. He knew he couldn't let their mother discover it had happened.

And... Saeran.

He could never know either.

Even though he wanted to tell him so, so badly.

He knew... boys weren’t supposed to want to do that with each other… right? No one had ever told him outright, but again and again, he only ever saw couples with a man and a woman…

The fact that they were brothers… at the time, he hadn’t known that part was wrong. No one had told him about that, either. And it wasn’t as clear-cut as the distinct absence of men in love in the stories and songs he’d heard outside their home.

"Saeran..." he responds weakly, a mixture of his child-like tenderness and adult wistfulness mixed into the sound of his twin's name.

He lets himself sink back into the memory.

"Saeran... just push back if you need me to kiss you even more... it's okay... it won't hurt me, either..."

The two of them had always taken such care with each other. So gentle and innately intertwined, always aware of the other...

He slides his lips down the length of Saeran's cock again, not hungrily, but with that same gentle care that had flowed between them both so easily when they were younger... that innocent trust and complete fascination with each other... without any adult knowing behind it, just a curiosity and a desire to delight their other half however they could. He lets Saeran reach the back of his throat, then he curls up his tongue to explore and stimulate every small shape, every curve.

His hands move to his twin's thighs, stroking them tenderly, reassuring, blessing.

**Saeran**

"Saeyoung..." Saeran moans his name, fingers curling into red curls as he presses his cock deeply into his twin's throat - then out, then back in. Not hurried, every movement cautious and careful... but nonetheless getting as much pleasure out of it as Saeyoung can give. "You're right... it's really nice!" He gasps, beyond playing along with Saeyoung's fantasy. This time it really is a matter of a dream melding into reality.

"I can't get enough of your kisses..."

For… a certain definition of kiss, as Saeran's thoroughly fucking his brother's mouth.

**Saeyoung**

The only thing Saeyoung doesn't like about sucking his brother's cock is that once he gets going, he can't respond to any of the things his brother tells him, much as he wants to encourage and stroke him with words like he does his tongue...

... but it's a small price to pay to feel his twin thrusting back into him, so stiff with arousal and so agonisingly sweet... and reliving the dream like this...

... he feels the giddy, naive, overwhelming love of his younger self pour through him, dominating his senses. He cuddles his twin's waist as he lets Saeran set the pace, lets him explore Saeyoung's mouth with that touch of wonder born out of the dream, encouraging him with every lick.

**Saeran**

Amazing to think that after all the rediscovery that they've done, there's still so much more to find. Saeran, too, is lost in his old naivety, the innocent him that simply loved his brother and was unaware how far that went... but would do anything, to feel even closer to the one he loved.

Compared to Saeyoung, even as a child Saeran had been far more negative. However... inwardly, he always held out hope and wished for the best. And having Saeyoung at his side made even his worst anxieties bearable. No matter how low he sunk, he was always sure to find wonder in the world...

It's that very same wonder that pushes him forward, rather than shy away from what they were doing. The same kindness leaving him open to Saeyoung's suggestion, rather than shut him down cruelly.

In short, Saeran feels truly in touch with his inner child precisely at the moment he is about to cum.

"I'm...!"

**Saeyoung**

(It was always, always you...)

He accepts everything his brother has to give lovingly, warmly... holding his twin gently in his mouth until Saeran's spent. The urge to protect Saeran like a dragon guarding treasure, like a knight protecting his princess strong in his chest.

It was a protectiveness his twin had grown to dislike as an adult, resenting the implication of weakness and childishness that comes from being protected...

...which Saeyoung understands, respects, even though sometimes it's a struggle because of course he wants to keep his brother from harm, even as equals... he wants to always have Saeran's back.

But in this moment his younger, more fiercely protective and tender self is fully embraced by Saeran's own memory of his twin, and for a moment it feels just like they had on cool nights, tangled together innocently taking comfort in the other's warmth... even though this time, the act itself was adult.

Saeyoung pulls away, then wraps his arms around Saeran, still feeling his younger self inside, wanting nothing more than to tangle and comfort and take solace in Saeran's touch.

**Saeran**

To think this all began because he got sick.

(Talk about appropriate.)

Saeran was the sickly one when they were kids after all. He doesn't even feel complicated over the fact, just vaguely acknowledging it as his brain decompresses after coming for the second time that day. Without thinking, Saeran's limbs find and tangle with Saeyoung's. A natural act, as they cuddle closer together - messy and boneless and in love.

Then Saeran glances down, and he's lips curve in a very unchildlike way.

"Do you need kisses too, hyung?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung smiles back at him gently, warmed by leftover romantic haze.

"I want your lips on mine..." Saeyoung requests, softly. "I want more of you... I want to look into your eyes...”

"...but if your hands aren't busy... I'd like... you to touch me... touch me more..."

**Saeran**

Caught by the warmth of Saeyoung's gaze and his persistent sweetness, Saeran's heart skips a beat, before he breathlessly replies with an "Okay" and his mouth seeks Saeyoung's - gently brushing his tongue across his lips.

As for his hands... Saeran is happy to touch Saeyoung as much as he desires, dragging them down his back and to his ass, groping the flesh of Saeyoung's thigh as their kiss drags out.

"Like that...?" He murmurs, back to playing ignorant briefly. Checking if they're still acting out a dream.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung arches against his twin's touch, hard and absolutely ready for more but also still half-bewitched by the dream... giddy and adoring.

"I wanna feel your hands on my cock..." he keens softly. "I want to kiss your lips and come while I'm doing it... I want you to touch me... more... your hands feel so good... your mouth feels so good..."

He moans. "I wanna see your face when I come... I want to see you... Saeran..."

**Saeran**

Aah... what a rush. Even spent, Saeyoung's words make him feel so excited.

Pressing another kiss to Saeyoung's mouth, he mutters a quick "whatever you want."

Twisting so he's partially leaning over Saeyoung, Saeran palms his hand around to Saeyoung's balls. The move is entirely out of consideration for his twin’s request. This way, Saeyoung can see and kiss him easily while getting jerked off. Saeran is keeping his touch light as well, stroking up Saeyoung's cock like a feather and lovingly rubbing its head. Each gesture reverent and adoring.

Much like how Saeyoung's mouth had been.

Saeran was always a quick learner. It was easy when the content was so enjoyable... which is apparent on his face, the way he looks down at Saeyoung in adoration, hair falling to frame heavy-lidded green eyes and pink lips.

"You're so beautiful, my love..." he murmurs, forgetting himself for a moment as he kisses Saeyoung. Bringing them back to the present, where they've been lovers for a while.

**Saeyoung**

"A-ah...!" Saeyoung shudders, his twin's words taking him close to the edge already.

Attention... compliments...

...he's weak to both.

"Tell me again..." he begs between kisses. "Tell me I'm beautiful..."

**Saeran**

"You're beautiful." Saeran obliges, but meaning it, "If you could see yourself like I do... You'd understand how stunning you are. Sometimes I look at you and really see stars..."

Speaking of which, that makes Saeran divert his kisses briefly to Saeyoung's ear. Where his earring shines. "And you're so kind... And positive... And devoted... You've saved me so many times just by being you."

Again, all true. It's always been that way with Saeyoung.

"Ever since we were born, I was so hopelessly... hung up... on everything about you." Saeran punctuates his words with kisses back down to Saeyoung's mouth, and squeezes his cock to emphasize the points. Taking clear pleasure in Saeyoung needing validation from him too.

**Saeyoung**

The words are sweet. So very, very sweet. The longing he's carried with him his whole life validated, accepted, reflected, in Saeran's own way. "S-Saeran... I..."

The last squeeze, the last words... his twin having as much fascination for him as he does for Saeran... Saeyoung's eyes widen, taking in the light of the room, his brother's face, practically glowing, at least, the way Saeyoung sees it.

He looks into his twin's eyes, and they're so beautiful.

"Aah-hhh!"

And he twitches, and presses against his brother, releasing several warm splatters of cum into his brother's hands.

"Mmn..." he says, once he's able to stop breathing in gasps. "You... feel free to say those things... whenever you like... haha..."

He nuzzles into Saeran, still buzzing with happiness over the warmth of his twin's words.

**Saeran**

Letting his hand rest on Saeyoung's stomach, Saeran presses his face back against Saeyoung's. Noses bumping.

He's so glad... Saeyoung liked that. Though they're brothers and lovers both, it's been ingrained into him to not express how he really feels and thinks. He’s improving, but…

It was no wonder Saeyoung was starved for his affection.

"It’s all true. I'll try to say it more often."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this plot arc! I'll be posting the first chapter of the next fic in this series in about five minutes time~ ([Update: here y'go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252786/chapters/35378457))
> 
> Thank you everyone for your support as I've slowly converted our RP into something fic-like. I've invested a lot of time into this, and while I've been doing it for myself, the fact that other people enjoy it too makes it so much more rewarding and motivating. We really have built up a whole world for these two to explore over the next plot arcs - with both dangers for them to conquer, and sweet moments for them to share together! (This fic series is many months behind our current RP - there's a lot of content left to post, haha.)
> 
> I hope this series has managed to make you smile with its dorkiness or cuteness or even, maybe, it's... sexiness?!?!?! N-no way...
> 
> Starting to wonder if we should join that Choicest Discord server you guys have been talking about in the comments... hmmmmmmm. M-maybe?!


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